Like millions of other fans, I find myself mourning the passing of two great actresses and women---Carrie Fisher and her mother Debbie Reynolds. They are just two of the many legends we lost this year---musicians, actors, performers, artists. Recently, Carrie's brother Todd Fisher gave an in-depth interview regarding the passing of his sister and mother. He very specifically and rightfully characterized the relationships between Carrie and Debbie as a "love story". Apparently, the love Debbie had for her daughter was so deep that when Carrie passed she expressed a desire to "be with her". A short time later, Debbie was given her wish and joined her daughter.
However, I couldn't help but wonder how such a close, loving, almost dependent relationship between mother and daughter impacted Todd---the only son and odd man out in this dependent relationship. He never alluded to how their relationship impacted him. I can't help but wonder what it was like to be in the shadow of this "love story" all his life and now be left to pick up the pieces, handle all the business left behind and look after Carrie's only daughter Billie. What was it like for him to watch these two strong women devote themselves to each other? Todd, like his sister, did not have the benefit of a father who was present in his life but he often looked after his mother and sister, both of whom had their own issues and demons to overcome.
Watching the 20/20 interview Todd gave recently, I felt envious of a mother-daughter relationship like that since my Nmom is not capable of anything even close to the love and care Debbie showed her daughter. I also identified with Todd who, no doubt, was ignored or disregarded many times because his mother clearly favored her only daughter who followed closely in her footsteps of fame and celebrity. In past interviews and books, Carrie clearly and honestly admitted that living in her mother's shadow was no easy feat, that her own celebrity and fame was difficult and that she struggled mightily not only with drug addiction but also with serious bipolar disorder.
As Todd noted, the relationship between mother and daughter, the way each passed within a day of each other, was both horrible and beautiful. It's clear, though, that the dependent relationship these two had resulted in some significant consequences.
Ultimately, though, I envied their loving relationship, their love story and the fact that Carrie not only loved her mother but was so loved in return. It is something I will never have in this life and I think is pretty rare.
It has been a heartbreaking year. We have lost many in the artistic community who brought moments of joy to our lives through their talent, unique individuality and strength. I always admired Carrie for her strength in talking openly about mental illness and bipolar disorder. Her fame and celebrity allowed her to do that with few ramifications. As a result, she helped a lot of people. I envy her strength and courage and creativity and hope that not only will these two strong women rest together in peace but that also Todd can heal.
May the force be with all of us to emulate the best of those we lost this year.
