X-mas gift Chaos

[Lovely1978*]

I need help. I was out x-mas shopping this weekend and was going to get my N friend some cologne. I sent him two messages asking him what that specific thing was. No response at all. I sent him a message trying to communicate to him that I was upset...and well...didn't go well. I was "jumping to conclusions" And well, this was my email to him.

Hey,

I was dissappointed this weekend with your non-communication. I tried to contact you twice to try to figure out what to get your for x-mas. I guess it's not important to you. Im afraid I have to take a couple of steps back in our friendship.

L

Anyway, he said that I was reprimanding him like a mother to a child. He said that he didn't have any way of communicating back to me. I think his choice of words were interesting. "Reprimanding?"

He said that we are now no longer friends. Help!

Lovely1978

[DJ]

Hmm, in your first sentence you mention

I was out x-mas shopping this weekend and was going to get my N friend some cologne

If you know he's an 'N'  then you must be aware of what kind of people they are.    My advice is run, run and don't look back.  Please don't punish yourself by continuing a relationship with someone who will only abuse you.

You deserve better!

[Anonymous]

Lovely-- I think maybe things escalated too quickly, and needlessly to the point that they did, on both parts.

I would have stopped the e-mail after ..

I was dissappointed this weekend with your non-communication. I tried to contact you twice to try to figure out what to get you for x-mas.

And completely left out...  

 I guess it's not important to you. Im afraid I have to take a couple of steps back in our friendship.

But you said it for a personal reason, and there are obviously other strong issues going on in your friendship with him, or you would not have jumped from buying the gift to stepping back from the friendship because you could not reach him over the weekend.

He also reacted strongly in saying the friendship is completely over.

If he isn't a narcissist/you are not sure, looks like you both need to sit down & have a good, honest talk about the underlying issues that are bothering you both in the friendship.    

If he is really a narcissist, then that talk would probably make things worse.  

Not knowing much about your relationship, I'd say try for the open, honest talk about things that may be upsetting you in the friendship, in a
calm and non accusing way, and see how it goes.

That right there will tell you a lot about what the future of your frienship is.

Good luck.

[bunny]

I need help. I was out x-mas shopping this weekend and was going to get my N friend some cologne. I sent him two messages asking him what that specific thing was. No response at all. I sent him a message trying to communicate to him that I was upset...and well...didn't go well. I was "jumping to conclusions" And well, this was my email to him.

Hey,

I was dissappointed this weekend with your non-communication. I tried to contact you twice to try to figure out what to get your for x-mas. I guess it's not important to you. Im afraid I have to take a couple of steps back in our friendship.

This seems like kind of an extreme reaction to his not returning messages. I'd just go ahead and buy some gift or other.

Anyway, he said that I was reprimanding him like a mother to a child. He said that he didn't have any way of communicating back to me. I think his choice of words were interesting. "Reprimanding?"

He said that we are now no longer friends. Help!

Well, now he's overreacting. And yes, you were reprimanding him. Maybe you'd want to apologize for that and say you didn't intend to do that.

Do you want to keep arguing with him or do you want to de-escalate this mutual overreaction? You can, if you want to.

bunny

[Lovely1978]

I really appreciate your feedback. Thank you so very much!

Lovely1978