Well, we do tend to trade a chunk of ourselves, for love and marriage (stability) and the ability to raise a family. I don't think there's really much choice in the process - for men or women. We have to give up something for we what get in that relationship. Sometimes, it seems to us women that we give up more than the men do. But I'm not sure that's really an accurate perception.
So, once kids have grown and can be more independent (the kayak description is a great metaphor here) there is now TIME and SPACE to wonder about the "path not taken". To reclaim parts of ourselves that we set aside in the mutual coming together of the relationship and family.
There have got to be ways to do this, without seeing the "husband" as the opposition; to make those kinds of changes without sacrificing what you've already lived through and honored. You don't HAVE to give up that... to set out on the path of resuming the exploration for wholeness of self. I'm not entirely sure I know how to do that; what those ways are. But I believe it comes from mutual trust in each other, the deeper love that just wants the other to be happy and fulfilled. And the ability to honestly communicate what you want & need... and the willingness to change, according to how life is changing for you.
I see no reason you couldn't go to school now, Erin. Yeah, you're older; your resources have changed; the requirements have changed. Ask yourself: do you STILL want this? If not, time to explore what else you're interested in that could evolve into a new pattern of how Erin's life is constructed. And there's no reason to give up a marriage to do so - necessarily.
