Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
This and That
Hopalong:
Lighter, it almost sounds as though dealing with the cottage on that island feels like forced exile for you. I'm sorry it's so daunting. You are gutsy.
And I totally believe that you'll endure what you have to take care of, and soon be back with the moss and the springtime and find all the order and beauty you can create. You're good at this!
Be sure to tell us when you take off so we won't worry...
love,
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on March 14, 2018, 04:44:08 PM ---
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on March 14, 2018, 12:41:00 PM ---Here's to more refusing to spin, Lighter! You sound very focused and aware of what might be happening, what you want to happen, what the old responses are, how new ones might be better. I do think that just having in your mind that you want to notice more, observe, be curious helps us to see things differently. React less, respond more, perhaps?When I experience an adrenaline dump... an emotional jolt.... anything upsetting.... that's when I keep my mouth shut, and get very curious. First I figure out WHAT just happened, and that seems to be calming all on it's own. Reorienting myself to reach my goals comes next, THEN I respond, and that's so very much better: ) Then I respond with something helpful, rather than emotional negative looping taking over, and coloring my entire day. I am learning that I don't have to deal with things immediately. It's okay to put it to one side for an hour, a day, a week - and then deal with it (although I'm sure that won't apply to your practical situations which sound like they need to be dealt with pronto!). I think pausing for just a moment IS very helpful, Tupp. Maybe HAVING to figure this out with so much pressure is the only way I can learn it? Not sure, but it's a very necessary thing I can't put off. The pressure is the catalyst, otherwise maybe I wouldn't focus so keenly. But it all sounds good. I think it is good. It feels as though the universe is smiling on me right now, in fact: )
I'm astonished at what wheat does to you!! Well, a sandwich from Wendy's once made my throat throw up a bunch of mucus... it just wouldn't stop coming! Not from my stomach, so much, but maybe something my body produced bc I ate it? It was the last fast food anything with bread I ate.... probably 2013..... I was a believer at that point, if my screaming toes and shoulder didn't send a painful enough message. /color] That's such a big reaction, although helpful as a reminder to avoid it where possible. But I hope the unpleasantness of it has worn off quickly. Little steps - physical, emotional, mental health, along with practical work. A big shift coming, it seems, Lighter, I am looking forward to reading the next installment :) xx I'm trying to stretch daily.... not always managing. I try to eat right..... I have to or I'll have big regrets, esp going into this situation.
As the days go by I'm noticing I'm pretty calm. I can do this. I will do this; )
Thanks for the support, Tupp.
Lighter
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I think being able to stop and say nothing when 'things' are going on is such a good skill to have! Yes, I agree, if it's possible to stop, think, work out the whys and wherefores (were they out of line? Am I over reacting? If they are out of line, does it matter? Will it affect things going forward? And so on) it can be so much easier then to deal with the situation or just leave it as it is if that feels better (and sometimes I think we have to concede the battle in order to win the war). And yes, maybe the pressure at the moment will be what forces the change through, as it kind of seems like there's no other option at the moment? A lot of practical work to do and it will only happen if you are able to observe and detach slightly, and change reactions/old pathways etc?
Calm is good. Sometimes I think something inside us knows this is it and it calms us from the inside out. But defo keep away from the wheat! Awful that it makes you feel so poorly so I hope you are able to avoid and I look forward to reading more :) xx
lighter:
Ahhh... I'm moving through this weekend like I have emotional training wheels on. A little jerky, but rolling right along.
Everything is about identifying what's going on inside... as things come up. I don't dismiss anything. I honor everything. I remain curious, and attentive.... sometimes I don't have to think about it. It just happens. That's feels great.
One thing that comes up is I sometimes feel I SHOULD soldier through, move faster, accomplish more... as was my habit to dismiss my needs/fears, etc. To be stoic and keep moving, no matter what, is dropping away.
I just did some paperwork today, that usually brings up huge anxiety, and you know what? I picked it up when I was in a good frame of mind, and it was sort of a pleasure to get through it. If there was anxiety I focused on it, and it dropped back and away just as quickly as it came up. I have one more paperworky thing to do, outside the whole renovation stack (that's fairly well organized) and I just did the research and sent e mails to handle that on Monday. No negative feelings about putting it off, which I did. I simply didn't have to deal with it before this, and I chose my mental health over forcing myself. Doing it now is, again, sort of a pleasure, bc I have touchstones for banishing the typical anxiety, shame, guilt spiral I'd usually struggle with. Not this time. I felt OK about putting it off. I felt OK about picking it up. I felt OK about working on it. I'll feel OK about dealing with it tomorrow as well, bc I'll have the documents I need, and honestly...... it's not that big'a deal. It used to feel overwhelming, to say the least, and I understand why that was.... it's just.... I don't want to live that way any longer. I choose not to.
Shifting focus to what's going right is helpful. Stopping and acknowledging anxiety and fear, as they come up, is super helpful. It's like freeing up internal storage space for something new, and I'm going out into the yard to work and celebrate now: )
The next big project is necessary financial planning and perhaps one or two more large projects. My contractor indicated he's willing to consider heading these projects up, and I'm feeling very positive about it.
Lighter
Hopalong:
This was inspiring to me, Lighter.
Hearing how you approach a task when you're just flowing, not judging whether you shoulda coulda woulda.
Thanks for this. You're being so very present in your life.
I'm a million miles from this but recall moments. Want them again.
Hugs
Hops
lighter:
Thanks, Hops.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda still presses in, don't get me wrong.
Playing with it, noticing it is interesting.
Catching it, by the scruff of it's neck, before it gets inside my rib cage, is even more interesting.
Lighter
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