This and That

[lighter]

(Tupp)). I always feel better when remembering to use you guses filters. 

Remembering to channel curiosity helps a ton lot.

:: Nodding fiercely::..

And acceptance.....
Yup yup yup.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

I ditto what Tupp said about perfection, Lighter.

If your goal is to ready the place to sell, maybe it can have compromises that you could live with.
I would bet a month's wages that whatever you've come up with is going to be charming, beautiful, comfortable and extremely appealing to the right buyer.

If I understood that right.
I might've gotten confused about the purpose, but I think of your work right now as repairs and then staging?

Peace with the people, Light. It'll help.
You'll make it in one piece. Them too.

love
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Lighter, one thing I've learned is that a "perfect" project can be put down on paper, scheduled, and envisioned in my head... and when we get to the actual "doing"... things just come up.

Things that mean a compromise to the plan.
Things that make what sounded simple, difficult - and take twice as long as expected.
Things that are wonderously BETTER than I could envision.
Things that are unexpectedly emotional; or delight me so much my feet don't touch the ground.

That is the nature of ADVENTURE, versus undertaking a "project". Allow space in any plan for all kinds of unexpected things, always. These can't be foreseen ahead of time; have to be "surfed".

Once the adventure actually begins - no one is in "control", although ironically you'll be expected to pronounce tiny, important, and huge decisions along the way. Even though it tends to be foreign to our ways of interacting with people... the contractors ARE working for you and expect you to tell them what to do. They want to make sure you're happy, with the choices they see in front of them... and so they make us responsible for picking.

After going through that (again) last summer, one learns that "being in control" isn't all it's cracked up to be. LOL. But I have to say - with another inch of snow on the ground this morning - and almost constant wind all winter long - that my vision for the living room, the work done on the house/functional changes, were all good choices. So far, everything I've completed has helped keep it warmer in here... looks cozy... and works for me.

But remember that I lived with the whole top 8 -10 ft of my west wall open to the sky for a week, while they removed the old windows and sided, inside & out, & insulated. And I still have the ugly old polyurethaned slate floors... but by some miracle, the rugs I moved with a) fit the space OK, and subtly blend in and camoflauge the slate some. Those shades of gray one sees nowaday in the home furnishing/design magazines is the perfect "transition" between the earth colors in the floor and the wood walls... providing a "smoothing out" effect of the previous contrast; a unifying and quieting stillness.

[Twoapenny]

(Tupp)). I always feel better when remembering to use you guses filters. 

Remembering to channel curiosity helps a ton lot.

:: Nodding fiercely::..

And acceptance.....
Yup yup yup.

Lighter

(((((((((((((Lighter)))))))))))))))

Something I'm finding I can do more now - whether to myself or others - is notice what's going on and not feel I need to be the one to sort it or fix it.  It's a tricky one; some people are more inclined to fix than others and there are times when other people's inability to speak up or act drives me nuts.  But yes, I am finding that this technique that you mention of noticing, observing and accepting "Oh!  Mr W is getting very angry over very little.  There must be something else going on with him.  Oh, look at that flower, how pretty".  Wouldn't it be great to be able to do that every time Sending you observing rays, insulation from drama and getting the work done thoughts in abundance xx xx

[lighter]

Lordy, I was a little shocky when I wrote that post, guys.  I'm calmer, but worried my freight and container won't go tomorrow, bc of some missing invoices..... I think Amazon puts them inside the boxes?  I feel my heart will actually explode if it doesn't go this week.  Hard to breathe thinking about it.

About perfection.....
I'm just hoping for movement forward.

Anything forward at this point will do.

Anything.

And yes, Tupp....being curious is a shift in perspective that helps a lot.  It's helped me make it through this day. 

Nite, guys.

Light

[Twoapenny]

Lordy, I was a little shocky when I wrote that post, guys.  I'm calmer, but worried my freight and container won't go tomorrow, bc of some missing invoices..... I think Amazon puts them inside the boxes?  I feel my heart will actually explode if it doesn't go this week.  Hard to breathe thinking about it.

About perfection.....
I'm just hoping for movement forward.

Anything forward at this point will do.

Anything.

And yes, Tupp....being curious is a shift in perspective that helps a lot.  It's helped me make it through this day. 

Nite, guys.

Light

Did things go, Lighter?  Hope it went through okay.  I find that inability to control others and other components very difficult to manage when it's something that's essential and when you have many things that kind of link together and have a domino effect, whether for good or for bad.  I hope something moved in the right direction at least.  Let us know.  I've been thinking of you xx

[lighter]

Things are going.... shipping today...arriving tomorrow.  Will be a marathon day dealing with customs on one island then receiving freight and container on another, unlaoding and moving a quarter mile down the road with 4 other pallets on a flat bed trailer with a forklift following behind?  And two short hours to move and place the very full, has to be unloaded container.  Yesterday was about finding wifi, then sending e mails, then walking 1/4 mile to get phone service and discuss same.  I thought my heart would explode.

I'm sure I LL be surprised at every turn, bobbing and weaving, solving problems on the fly this entire safari.

My sister and youngest dd arrived yesterday afternoon.  I'm so happy they're here! 

My brother just called, and my father had a stroke thus morning.  I was in California when he broke his leg.  Why am I always so far away at these times?  I'm always two hours or less away.....but when disaster strikes..... And my sister this time.  I need her so much now.  My father needs us. 

It's funny how my mind goes to what the adult s in my life did in times like this.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

I'm so very sorry about your father, Lighter....
so shocking and difficult to be at a distance.

There's no why to it, no something you coulda, shoulda, woulda...

I hope when you can you'll update us,
without adding to your stress. I assume you're
on your way home. Will be thinking of you today.

It is so hard to get that kind of news. Nobody can
hold back Nature...we just distract her for a while.

Be kind to yourself, and little girl Lighter, especially.

(((((Lighter))))))

love
Hops

[lighter]

Thanks, Hops.

I can't go home yet.... I'm the consignee and no one can collect the freight but me.....it arrives tomorrow, and gets released on Friday.  I'm half wishing I'd never started this project. 

Now that father's attached to a ventilator, I'm particularly prickly about being extorted by the little people in positions of authority..... yesterday the marina manager used emotional terrorism as his way of collecting a landing fee.

He pretended he didn't know the freight company was scheduled to land at his marina, said they certainly could not and instructed me to plan for a Landing on the other island... blathering on about insurance and potential damage to other boats....

I called the freight company and she said the marina manager was happy about my delivery and jumped on the wagon with their own shipment of cargo landing at their marina too.

She said he said he told me about the landing fee,....he did not.  He mentioned one was not in his hand by way of explaining no freight delivery was or could be scheduled.  I'm so not in the mood to be terrorized and threatened right now. 

I'm wondering if it would be cheaper financially and emotionally to go to the other island with the freight.... I'm so angry at this horrible man!  The locals hate him.... he's operating like a criminal, and my father lays dying.
 
The idea we'll have to have to unhook him from the ventilator is horrifying.  He never wanted that....wrote a living will to ensure it didn't happen to him.

I can't go until this delivery is done and every day there's a new link to overcome.  Mr. Marina also said his forklift is down....another lie....and that insurance wouldn't let him loan it out anyway.....all the other marina staff said it could and have planned on it, btw.  That's the next hurdle....getting the container off the chassis in a two hour span of time on Friday.  The whole of Thursday will be paying up to 45% duty on the freight.... I missed the March cut off for hurricane relief programs....and this heavy equipment dilemma. 

The good news is....once the freight is here I have competent folks here to deal with it.  I can go home, and be with my father.  The doctor said he has a large bleed in the left side if his brain.....gives him 1% chance.  I'm not sure for what.  Life?  Recovery?  He's already partially paralyzed....it can't be recovery.  He's unresponsive.  He coughs and grimaces....it must be terrible.  His paralysis makes it difficult for him to cough on a good day.  I'm so sad I'm not there, even if he can't hear me. 

I'm so tired, and there's so much to do. 

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Oh my gosh. You're being extorted. "Money's not in my hand..." What a jerk. I hope there's someone ABOVE the marina manager you can talk to. Somebody owns the place, and a customer spelling out exactly what their manager is doing might be eyeopening.

If you are your father's Healthcare Power of Attorney, can you direct doctors to unplug your dad? I Taking out the tube isn't horrifying, it's peaceful. It gives him peace. You can, if it feels right to you, ask for his. Then they can give him "comfort measures only." Release.

SO hard on you to not be able to be there, but this is what is happening. It will be okay. You will be okay.

Can you take a few minutes to stand on the beach and telegraph your love and farewell to your father?

love
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Lighter that man doesn't just sound like a criminal; he is one. Pirate variety. In your situation, you have two feasible choices - pay the extortion, if you can - to free yourself to travel. Or fight him... and then, I'd advise you to step out onto that beach FIRST by yourself, accept what you can't change... feel all those feelings... including the calm that will come with knowing what you "must do" after all that... and then, give him hell.

Don't waste time trying to figure out a way around him. Pick one of two choices. If you choose to pay him, understand that this is a "tried & true" way of the world and has always been this way. You by yourself aren't going to change that.

This level of stroke is rarely survivable. That's blunt; and I'm sorry for that. But you're in a time-critical situation and need to know that. Blessings my dear... and whatever you choose... us Amazons will keep the bonfire going for the moment when you can stop "doing" and just be.

[lighter]

Ok.... I found an ally at the marina yesterday.  I remembered him, and went straight to him yesterday morning.  He solved several critical issues, and is dealing with the criminal accountant terrorist.....person.

The extortion is happening, just buffered and delivered by different people which brings up less fear.....and hate.

My father's breathing on his own now......comfort levels in place.  I'm a bit of a mess, on and off.  Certain conversations with certain people bring on tears, and my poor DD 15 gets carried along, at points, in my sadness....weeping.  This is me mourning, and she's trying to be stoic, for my sake.  I'm stoic, just bc there's so much to do, then I'm rocking.  Sometimes in public. 

Again...... The introvert in me flails, then goes to sleep early.  Wakes too early.  Sleeps again. 

I'm badly in need of a hot shower, which I'll take at the marina first thing in the morning.  The freight arrives sometime around 9 at the ramp.  I plan to take a high protein breakfast, strong coffee, and a tiny green nerve pill at the far end of the marina.....then I'll walk to the ship.

What's going right in my life.....my sister and DD15 are amazing, and steady me.

The weather is perfectly calm, and mean I move forward with this huge, ungainly project.

There's another freight company opening up next month on this island.....the owner is my ally, and took me on his borrowed golf cart around the other island yesterday, helping me navigate problems, and presenting as excellent property manager.  Such relief, I can't tell you.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Oh whew, Lighter.
I'm so glad you found some more supportive people there.

Is the second island just where the property manager guy lives?

I get very confused about where. But it doesn't matter.

I'm glad things are going better and good for you for seeing it all through.

Glad your dad is off the ventilator.

xxoo
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Is this a good sign that they've taken off the ventilator, Lighter? I mean, why did they think it was necessary in the first place? As a "just in case" until they had a more complete picture of the stroke?

Guess I'm confused a little.

[lighter]

Dad put on ventilator bc they didn't know extent of stroke at the time.  Once they knew the decisions were made for removal, but wanted to get his children's input first.

Dad receiving morphine....breathing slowing down.  All monitors in room turned off, but nurses can see vitals in their control room.  Very clean, we'll run hospital sibling says.....last night shined light into Dad's eye, and there was zero pupil response.  He's already gone....been gone since night of the 3rd I think.

Customs agents at house so I have to run and see where we are in that process. 

DD15 sleeping through this freight moving.... experience.

The journey continues.

Lighter