Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
This and That
Hopalong:
((((Lighter))))
Gently, the approach of talking to him about your father, in a physical comparison...really is kind of an intimate psychological space, though you CLEARLY didn't intend it to be taken that way.
In fact, it made perfect internal sense when you said it. YOU meant Back Off, Bud. His disturbed, boundary-bashing brain saw something different -- an opening.
Just in case in hindsight, it might help you see a vulnerability to males that isn't physical. But might open you to more of that kind of risk?
I'm so glad you've contained the situation.
Hops
lighter:
Hops:
Contractor was around when my father died.....very angry funeral took me away.
The fact is....he does look like my father, so was easy excuse to shut down his irrational romantic advances. Everything made him angry, bc I never let him in...never gave him what he was fixated on....ever. He admitted he knew my response to his confessed.... whatever it is. Feels like fixated abusive stalker love.
Telling him I could never be attracted to him bc of who and what he is seemed....less safe. He was clearly herding me with trauma bonding behavior.... I wasn't going there, though I found it possible to control my face and posture while we were working and accomplishing tasks.
Once he admitted love, he was crazy all over the board emotionally....more than normal bc escalated and more frequent....not working....trying to force discussions with close contact. He also threw fits when I worked, and especially when I made efforts to enlist other workers. He'd say he just wanted privacy over the weekend...to not be bothered by other workers.... he'd pout and act crushed if I ignored him and esp after brandished the knife, asked my huge bouncer renter to work at the property. There was stomping and huffing and pointed questions...."How do you think that makes me feel?". As always, I told him I wasn't responsible for his feelings, and had limited time to finish this mission. That lead to a discussion with him following me about while I worked..... I moved away from him on to the beach, and then he wanted another conversation indoors...in private where I told him I would never agree to any demands where terrorist threats were employed.... I wasn't cool with his threatening me with knife, held over his head, while screaming "put you hand down, put your hand down!" He wanted me to feel his pain, bc I constantly failed to show him I cared, which was exactly the point.
He agreed it wasn't cool to do that, but professed it wasn't meant to be threatening. Ummmm....it was threatening, and then he came up with the hourly exchange if compliments, which was about the time I knew he had to go. I'd hidden the machete, bc threatening to harm people with a butchers knife means all sharps in the house go away.
I went to do laundry ALONE, and I believe he felt it would hurt my feelings back if he went to the casino to "look at things up asses",
::Shiver::.
Truly.....an unaware pig, but I held my tongue, except when he sat staring at the bathroom door, saying things like...."You're sure taking a long time in there.". I thought he should know that hovering, sitting, staring at bathroom doors while ladies were in the bathroom was something he should cease and desist immediately, all ladies, esp those he might find to date in the future.
Again.... he's taking up my head space. I'm gaggy....again. Lots if his rage was at my refusing to give him information, get personal, or "trust him", which he talked about endlessly....tooting his trustworthy horn while crashing over stated boundaries, whining for sympathy, creating chaos and seeking comfort for the things he did to others....an unstable bully wishing to dominate and control. No wiff of that behavior around my bouncer renter, however, who's puzzled over the entire situation.
Renter did see unstable crazy cackling, throwing tools, and threats to find me back home, so I don't know how he can say.....
Ack. Down the rabbit hole again. I was in a double bind, and the situation had to end. I hate being threatened by a bully, but I hate being controlled more, so here we are.
One of his latest threats ends with his saying I can't do anything to him but "kill him.". He's fixated on violence....asked me to stab him to death to end his pain, asked to go outside and fight after I rejected him as gently as could be managed, and texted "we could work this out... I could stab or punch him.... let's just talk".
Crazy much? I'm not the reason he's crazy. He's fixated on me, and that's a him thing. I don't wear a stitch of makeup, dress like a wilderness guide, and long quit sucking it in to save my back. I used my mommy voice on him, and maybe that's the attraction? Some screwed up mommy fixation, and for that I might be guilty....reminding him of an overwhelmed mother, with little time for him and his needs seems to be his thing.
He's the 4 yo acting out to get mommy's attention, and I am not exaggerating a bit.
Amber, I have 4 or 5 people calling and checking on me. I have my renter working with me, or supposed to, and two other workers coming and going. I feel like renter will hear if contractor comes back. I'm hyper alert, to say the least.
Also ridding place of his energy every way I can. I painted over his blood stains on my hat, burned the few remaining dirty clothes, and have hung my girl's baby shies, and sarongs around the house to promote good juju. I felt underwater when he was here. I feel free now he's gone.
Tupp...
I very instructed crazy that he's to go through the Trustees to get final payment....stop contacting me. I'm hoping he wants to get paid more than he wants to mess with me. Now he's threatening to sue for his hernia surgery and finger injury....good luck filing in Nassau. I'm going to call my mortgage gal at the bank, she's the one who referred him, and see if she has some way to shut him down.
I'd say she has a rather large obligation to at least help.
Lighter
PS. Sorry fir the rant, Hops
Hopalong:
Yuuuggggghhh.
NO apology needed and that was an RRR (Really Righteous Rant).
I cannot imagine what this felt like, except it makes my skin crawl vicariously, and I'm so sorry.
You might be right that various tone-experiments from a female triggered his entitled creepy aggression.
Or not being fully able to shut down your facial reactions or body language....
Who the hell could?
I am so so so glad he's out of there and that you soon will be.
It's just unacceptable for you to not be able to be in peace on your own property.
It will return. You're as smart as you are courageous, and you won't take risks like that again
with anyone whose vibes are unsound. No matter who recommends them.
You have good spidey sense and it's saving you.
love,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
There's no way you could've known that someone who was recommended to you, would be like this Lighter. You set boundaries and enforced them - and he continued to break them; escalating his own entitlement to do so. Yeah, the person who recommended him needs to hear the story.
Hopefully, this is the END of it now... except for getting it out of your head. Ranting expedites that sometimes, so rant away.
You couldn't possibly see this coming and know he would flip out like this.
Hopalong:
I agree with Amber, and am sorry I implied otherwise.
It's NEVER a woman's fault when a man behaves threateningly.
Nothing, ever, justifies that.
Creeps me out that there's a family connection but I'm glad
he's two towns away.
May he stay there and may all the support you need IRL
manifest in every way.
I hate the thought of you feeling ... that.
But I have confidence in you, Light.
xo
Hops
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