Back to the to-do list today.
I took some days off to just slug around and tackle watching the Ken Burns' Vietnam War series. Only up to episode 4. It's a mental exercise I'm putting myself through - to see if I can detect any patterns from then, that haven't changed yet, in how decisions are getting made. It's highly depressing and even tedious in places. A number of emotional hooks are used, that are unnecessary, IMO for normal people to understand the impact of events on the US, Vietnam, and geo-politics. It was also the continuous background to that traumatic time in my life, too. No nightmares, yet. Burns is doing a decent job of reframing things... but I'm hoping that the raw truth isn't getting filtered. My opinion is still changing as the episodes continue.
I'm at the point in the to-do's, where I'm finishing up the big house re-do. The outbuildings should get delivered and assembled next weekend. That will shift things to another phase of sorting & purging - a good winter project. I'm also starting another project - it was the first one on my list - the kitchen upgrade. Sink, counters and a new range. I've lost the igniter on one burner... and that kind of decided the issue if the project could wait or I just wanted to get all that stuff over with, since I'm kind of still in that mode anyway.
Lots of shifting gears around here and another level of settling in. Tai Chi's section 1 won't start till January. She's altered her schedule; used to be end of September. But it does make sense, especially for me, since the expected snow days won't fall during the more difficult complex sections. The days will start getting longer too - so not as much night driving. That sounds like agreement from the universe to head down that path to me.
There's a new level of grieving going on. Or maybe it's self-pity and acknowledgement of how much I depended on an intimate relationship. Acceptance of lonliness, which to be honest, is a feeling I never much had an opportunity to feel - except within one relationship. I worry a tad, about how all this solitude encourages me to revert to more feral ways of relating to other people - loss of the social graces, I guess you'd say. The contractors were a good diversion from noticing that and Allan was right - I do miss having them around. They'd help out with moving heavy things, if needed, and they were here.
There's still a lot of dust settling from the construction - and the annual invasion of stinkbugs, which was unavoidable while windows and doors were out of the walls. I'm sealing up all the holes, cracks and possible entry points as I find them but it's clear that replacing the windows and doors was a wise decision. No drafts in here; and it's QUIET - to the point that I no longer hear people on the driveway. I have a remedy for that to put up, as soon as it stops raining. I'm cleaning up the little piles of left-over wood, etc... as I go along and have a half-day's sort down stairs too. Until I get to the movies and music library. That's going to get pared down too.
