My husband has cancer that has spread

[Bettyanne]

Hi Friends....Sorry I have not been on here......my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer that has spread to him stomach, bladder and pelvic bones.  So we were able to find an Oncologist who is wonderful man Dr. Ben Chue.  He is treating Bill and is the kindest doctor I have ever met.  You can call him day or night and actually speak with him.  Bill has two more weeks of chemo to go and then starts a hormone therapy for 3 to 12 months.  He has given us a lot of hope. 
If anyone would says a few prayers we would be most appreciative of that....I know we are not alone and hope all here are doing well as possible.  Life sure changes when something likes this happens.
I will just add here when I was 20 and my dad was dying of melanoma cancer and my NM dumped his capsules for pain and filled them with sugar because she didn't want him to be addicted to pain medicine and yet he would be dying with in a few short months.....what a lesson for me to have kindness and do what ever makes my husband feel better. Thank you Mom for that life lesson.....you sure taught me well
Love....Bettyanne

[Hopalong]

I am so very sorry, Bettyanne.

This is an ordeal for him and for you too.

I am just terribly sorry.

Hope you will be able to take care of yourself well despite all this sorrow.

Gently,
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Bettyanne, you will both be in my thoughts.  I'm glad you have a good doctor - having someone caring and compassionate on board helps a lot, I think.  I'm staggered that your mum dumped your dad's meds!  Completely shocked.  You are right to do whatever makes your hubby (and you!) feel better.  Just acknowledging someone is unwell helps a lot, in my experience, and I think people accepting you are managing your situation however is right for you is useful.  We all do things in different ways and coping with sudden and unexpected news is no different.  Please post when you get the chance to so we know how you are all doing xx

[sKePTiKal]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this! But it does sound like hubby is getting the best care possible. People DO beat cancer, so I'll hope he's one of that number of survivors.

Yes, your lives have changed rapidly and radically. BTDT. But good on you for stepping up to the challenge! It's pretty exhausting to care for someone - the emotional rollercoaster is only the half of it. But it sounds like he's still mobile, and with it mentally. How is he doing tolerating the chemo?

It's real important to take care of you, Bettyanne. Getting some "normal life" breaks is just as essential as eating/sleeping well. It could be that soon this will all be past you and he'll join the ranks of survivors. If, on the other hand, you're in for a long haul, well... don't be afraid to ask for help! He's depending on you - so that's why you must take care of yourself.

There is simply way too much cancer going around.

[lighter]

I'm sorry to read that, Bettyanne.  I'll be praying for you and your husband.

Lighter

[JustKathy]

I'm so sorry to hear this, Bettyanne. It sounds like your husband has a wonderful doctor. Having a physician who is truly caring and compassionate is just so comforting when faced with such a frightening ordeal. My husband also had prostate cancer, and after several rounds of treatment has beaten it. The radiation left him with a disability, but the cancer is GONE. I'll be thinking of you and hoping your husband gets through this as well. Please do keep us posted.

And I must add that your NM was downright despicable to dump your father's pain meds like that. What monsters these women are! So sorry ... ugh.

Kathy

[Bettyanne]

Hi all you dear friends.....here who replied to me.....it means a lot to me......

Bill just completed twelve weeks of chemo......pretty tough on him...losing lots of weight, his hair and going through times of just complete exhaustion.
He will now go onto 3 to 12 months of hormone therapy.  It stops the production testosterone  which the caner feeds off of.  In three months another CT scan ...will tell us how the cancer is or is not doing. 
The beautiful part of all of this has been meeting other people with cancer who have such a good outlook,  good or bad in how the cancer is doing and their outlook.  A young mom with two small kids.....and only six months to live because of brain cancer.  Another mom age 46 with 3 kids and always a smile on her face.....we also realized in conversations her mother another NM.....so she calls me I am her sister with another mister.
These beautiful souls.....have made me see others in a different light....I love seeing them....I love being with them.....what a blessing in my life.
So yes this is a hard journey but one I feel their is hope along the way for my husband and these wonderful people.
Dr. Ben Chue.....research Oncologist Seattle, WA you are a wonderful doctor and one who has so much compassion for your patients.
Thank you friends...for you kind replies.... it means so much to me.......Love, Bettyanne

[sKePTiKal]

Hugs hon. This is a long rough road you're on. I hope hubby starts to put some weight back on and get his strength back.

You are taking care of you too, aren't you?

[Twoapenny]

I like the sister with another mister   I hope your hubby is as comfy as he can be, BettyAnne, it's such an aggressive treatment and I know when a friend of mine had cancer she said how weird it was to feel perfectly healthy but then to be made really unwell in order to get better!  It's a back to front situation for the mind to bend itself around.  I hope you're both in the best place you can be at the mo with regards to looking after yourselves.  Keep us posted on how you're both doing and lots of hugs to you both xx xx

[debkor]

Hi BettyAnne and All,

I haven’t been here for a long time either. I think of you all often though.

My hubby was diagnosed with stage 4 small cell lung cancer that spread to his brain over 2 years ago. Initially he had brain surgery to remove the tumor followed with full cranial radiation and 6 months.
There was no cure. That was a Hard new normal to accept.

There were complications also from surgery and his left vocal cord was paralyzed. They stopped food and drink because he could aspirate. They did therapy but it wasn’t working so he wound up with a feed tube. Has it to date. Another new normal and I am amazed with him cause I don’t think I could do it. Because of chemo and throwing up he did have many hospital stays due to aspiration pneumonia. 

And BettyAnne my normal was feeding through tube, medication, stats and beyond, calling an ambulance when he aspirated. Door open for Emt’s, dogs crated, I even had furniture rearranged. I even had my 6 month old grandson with me one time. Phone calls were made and family and friends were here before ambulance.
That didn’t happen all the time but it happened often (with chemo). 
Even my neighbor friends had a new normal. They see an ambulance or were notified ( friends son is a fire fighter) ambulance was dispatched to my house. They would see family coming into my driveway so they would lay back. If they didn’t they would come.

It wasn’t like that in the beginning though. I was learning skills that I never wanted to do and for a family member

[lighter]

((((Deb)))) I'm sorry you and your family are going through this.

I miss seeing you here.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Me too, Deb.

Unimaginably hard, what you're going through.
Caregiving on steroids and you must be EXHAUSTED.

I hope you can find, carve out, scream for, seek out or demand when you can...some respite. And then again. It's not wrong or selfish it's as necessary as breathing.

Caregivers just get jackhammered into the ground and you have to be your own advocate in this.

love to you,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Hi Deb, my friend. I've missed seeing you too and wondered what happened. Thanks for the update.

Hops' word "jackhammered" is spot-on. I only did what you're doing for about 3 months - and I had to have night nurses for half that time. If I didn't get him changed when he needed it, he would take off the oxygen and try to get to the hall bathroom. If he fell, there was no way I could get him back in bed. He was that weak.

And my brain was working overtime, learning new skills like you mentioned - processing tons of medical information and looking up words, asking my doc friend things - and sleep was my friend. I needed sleep - even if I was giving up almost all of my time for me to a regular care schedule. I lost 20 lbs in the process and the aftermath - mostly because I wasn't eating well. There wasn't any time to cook - so microwave meals helped. Now, I can't stand the taste of them.

But it IS a blessing to these hubbys, that we do undertake to do this to the best of our ability. That said, you have to have some help... to have a little time to yourself, feel like yourself a little bit, crank up the music in the car and soak in the sunshine and fresh air... even the rain. Otherwise, your "self" gets worn to a nubbin.

Take care you two - Deb & BettyAnne.

[debkor]

Hops, light, Skep, BettyAnne,

I ended the post (the one I couldn’t shut up) lol because I’m not good with typing on my cell. And hit something *poof* gone.

Yes you are right. I was exhausted. I was trying to have my house like a hospital unit while still being grandma, doing all the normal things, wife, mom, And Be Me. Yeah NO, that didn’t work because I didn’t have a 24 hour staff.

It would make me crazy when things went haywire in my home. Meaning I couldn’t keep up with the normal things I use to do.
 
I don’t think there was away around that (for me).  It was something I had to do before I accepted the fact I’m no Superman. After that I did what I could and left what I couldn’t alone. I would get to it when I could.

It’s 2 later now. Everyone is shocked and they call him miracle man. He has no pain he is independent for the most part.  He still drives local and to get his treatments, stores, ect. Only medication he takes is for acid reflux.
 
I sleep, go out, garden (well hopefully) soon. I have a new friend. Someone I really enjoy working with. I was introduced to him by my son. He don’t say much. Mostly gives you a grumble. He’s tall, dark and handsome, stands 6ft tall, comes shopping with me in stores and the only male I have ever known to sit down and not complain. I have to do all the driving though. We eventually want to volunteer at hospitals together. Meet my new 1 year old Great Dane Grand Pup. 

BettyAnne, Prayers for you and hubby. Take care of yourself too. Thinking of you both. ❤️ And rest!
 
 

[sea storm]

I am so sorry for all the pain you and your husband have gone through. I am praying for you both. Caretaking your husband sounds rewarding, painful, exhausting and an act of great love and devotion. For both of you.

I hope and pray that you take care of yourself through this.  Good news that the cancer is at a 2 now.

It is so ok if you come here when you can and find support. Kind wishes to you. Lots of hugs

Sea