Storming

[lighter]

I accomplished a lot today, though we're waiting for the grinder to appear in morning.  Too close for comfort.....just too close. 

Tonight I bag up all meds, fabrics and kitchen stuff so bug man can spray tomorrow.  It was overcast but dry, so I sturdied up stairs, got hinge screws completed, painted chipped parts if stuffed fish, painted screw heads white fir shutter job tomorrow, and color coded all four locks so I know which keys go to each.

The housekeeper comes tomorrow.  Will tackle worst of construction dust with her while renter handles shutters.... there's so little to do....almost there to have them done!

Drapes down and bagged already.  I have leftover chicken curry....wicked hot....so good.

Will organize tools in shipping container.  Not sure I want renter taking out his sliding door, and replacing it without me.  He and I work well together....we need each other's brains to figure stuff out far as I can tell.

That also calls for me leaving tools with him..... I can't come back to having large expensive items stolen again.  It's just been too difficult.

I will tell him we'll tackle it this summer together.....when the mosquitoes arrive.😣

Lighter

[lighter]

Update on cottage.... shutters completed the afternoon I left.  Yay.

I headed to airport early, in case I encountered some kind of sabotage.... like contractor falsely accusing me of smuggling drugs, or whatever his little mind came up with.  So many threats. 

Nothing happened, except my preferred cab driver spent time talking about C....it was weird, and I was having none of that talk.....any relationship involving violence is over for me.  Done.  Fini.  Didn't want to talk about it, but he just kept up.  I know that cabbie feels deep sympathy for C, bc C seeks sympathy out on his best day.....then laughs about it later.

Bug guy never showed, so I set off two bombs and left keys with my renter.... I trust him.  I hope I'm choosing wisely.  He did a great job overseeing C's removal, and went North to watch C board plane, and take off.  This was good, bc C sending texts he got off plane and coming my way.  Meant to scare me.

Nonsensical, but there it is. 

Court hearing for year long restraining order at 9am.  I went through all remaining texts today... Getting clear on what I want to share.  Not much.  Attorney friend said Judge is older Southern gentleman who hates liars and nonsense.   One more reason to be super brief.

I know this is only paper.  The thing is, I have to document properly, and hope it deters stupid lashing out.  Doing less is, I'm, asking for more chais, and crazy.

Zero tolerance is my new norm....at least that's my hope.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

I'm not sure of the time difference, Lighter, but I hope the hearing goes/has gone well.  I'm hoping an older Southern gentleman will have little time for violent men who threaten and harass recently bereaved women.

Glad that you got your shutters up at last.  Is that all the work on the island done now or will you be going back again?

Three cheers for zero tolerance.  It's just too tiring trying to accommodate other people's unpleasantness - or maybe more specifically their refusal (or inability) to see that what they do is unpleasant.  Nice people grounded in reality welcome - everyone else can move along.  Well done to you, Lighter, you've really pulled out all the stops this last few weeks.  A lot of life in a short space of time and you've come through it admirably, as always xx

[lighter]

Thanks, Tupp:

The hearing turned into an all day wait and see.  I was early, then learned the court never received verification of service on the C.  I finally made the call myself, and 5 minutes later, had it.

Then it was time for lunch.

After lunch the Judge was late, cranky and eager to clear his calendar.  I swear he wanted to continue my case.  I d been there all day, the service took place on the 21st ..he needed to hear my case.

Earlier in the day the Judge was lovely, and gave out year long restraining orders like candy.

After lunch he said NO more often than not, and was kinda' mean.  I was relegated to dead last, and the case before me was 3 feisty Southerners....there was yelling, cussing, recirded ravings directed at children, lying, finger pointing.... I was shaking halfway through, and upset badly at the end.

Then the Judge gruffly ordered me on the stand, and I struggled, then got the Order.  Whew....a really bad day, with a better ending.  Picked up kids a tad late, but with Order in hand.

I'm at a W Virginia vet office now waiting to get Pug girl's anal glands drained, but that's another story for another thread.

All in all, we're doing fine.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Aw, Lighter, I wish I could have been there with you to chat and take your mind off things a bit and keep fetching you water and cups of tea   I'm glad tired and cranky Judge still got the job done despite being tired and cranky, and glad that crazy workman needs to keep his distance now.  What a mad rollercoaster you've been on this last few weeks.  I'm looking forward to a time when you can get back to your meal planning and your moss

Glad all okay.  Hope there's some time for rest, now, and fun xx

[Hopalong]

Glad the restraining order is in hand, Lighter,
and I hope the crazy contractor is out of your town
for good.

Hops

[lighter]

I'm ending this thread on a good note.  My father's ashes went into the ground Saturday, and we had a touching service we all felt was right... at least the sibs felt it was good and right.

It began storming as we finished, and the moss and hosta we planted enjoyed a good drink. 

There were many storms over the weekend, but they were all lightening and thunder... nothing between people.  We enjoyed Aunts and Uncles, and cousins.... such nice people.  SO many lovely people. My girls got to be around nice men, and they saw flaws, and strengths alike.  Honestly, it was an amazing experience, and so that ends this threat.

Lighter

[lighter]

OK.  I wanted to just stop thinking about the contractor.  I DID try.  Very hard.

And then I received registered mail claiming the contractor received the wrong court date, had no chance to defend himself at the victorious hearing (that cost me an entire nerve wracking day) and he'll have a chance to explain to the Judge WHY he deserves to have that Order set aside.

The idea he'll testify I DID ALL THE THINGS HE DID is throwing me for an entire loop.  I'm glad it's a very short loop, but... it's a definite loop.  I don't want to SEE him.  I don't want to look into his eyes, and I don't want to be questioned by him. 

Honestly, I don't want to see him come unglued in the courtroom, which is likely, IME. 

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

OK.  I wanted to just stop thinking about the contractor.  I DID try.  Very hard.

And then I received registered mail claiming the contractor received the wrong court date, had no chance to defend himself at the victorious hearing (that cost me an entire nerve wracking day) and he'll have a chance to explain to the Judge WHY he deserves to have that Order set aside.

The idea he'll testify I DID ALL THE THINGS HE DID is throwing me for an entire loop.  I'm glad it's a very short loop, but... it's a definite loop.  I don't want to SEE him.  I don't want to look into his eyes, and I don't want to be questioned by him. 

Honestly, I don't want to see him come unglued in the courtroom, which is likely, IME. 

Lighter

(((((((((((((((((((Lighter)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Is this a legal doc, from his solicitor, or a letter from him?  I can't see a judge entertaining this in the UK, but I don't know if the system is similar in the States.  The Judge wouldn't have served the order if he'd had any doubt that this was just a row between two people.  You had evidence, clear evidence.  Have you taken legal advice on this?  And if not, can you? xx xx xx

[sKePTiKal]

If he comes unglued in front of the judge - methinks the judge will properly assess him.

If he plays victim, sobs about how much he loves you and that this is all a big misunderstanding - methinks the judge will ask him about the knife thing.

If he brings a lawyer to have the order set aside - on the basis of a contract dispute - then he/she (the judge) will be asking about all the personal crap.

Yes, it's normal to jump to the conclusion that he'll be able to fool the judge. All of us here, struggle with that reflex fear. Sadly the proliferation of just his kind of "crazy" has taught a lot of the judges some hard, hard lessons about how the contractor's type works. But that's good in the long run, because they aren't so easily suckered into believing them.

I'm so sorry he couldn't just let it go Lighter. Mantra: just leave me alone, remember. The order only applies to you and him; and in no way restricts his ability to go on about his life or business. HE HAS NO RIGHT TO CONTACT YOU in any way shape or form; the Trustee will handle the business dealings. And IMO, his motion only proves your need for the court order.

Best of luck, kiddo. This kind of thing - and Holly's current situation - have me not checking anymore to see if the Viking has replied to me yet. I have bigger fish to fry than to get bogged down with something that comes out of the blue like this. Just not worth taking that chance right now.

[lighter]

Thanks, tupp, and Amber.

I am stricken, once again, by the level of exposure having ANYTHING to do with another human being brings, or can bring.

I'm very frustrated, and I mean frustrated over things that happened 15 years ago, 10 years ago, and last night.  It's culminating, and boiling to the surface.  It FEEEEEEELS so unfair that I have to get dragged back into court with disordered nut jobs (I know, remember compassion), and this has all my attention right now. 

I had other things to do.  Now I'm organizing evidence, AGAIN, and trying to think 3 steps ahead of a.......
::Thinking "nit job" but working to find a kinder word::

a.....

lying liar willing to do or say anything to make this last longer, and do maximum harm. 

It gives them such an edge, IME.  It really does, and the truth is.... I haven't made peace with that reality from the last 10 year go'round.  I haven't.

::sigh::.
Once I figure out if this wrong courtdate stuff is a lie, I'll know if I have to pull evidence together again. 

I'll feel better.

Will contact the victim's advocacy guy in the Courthouse, and see what I need to do IF contractor lying about the courtdate.

::Blowing huge raspberries all over THIS stuff::..

And Amber.....

THIS is the stuff that makes it difficult to consider inviting another human being INTO our worlds again, you're right about that.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

This would be "triggering" in contrails.

I'm so sorry, Lighter.

Breeeeaaaaaathe, and do you best to keep them separate.

I'm so sorry, I can imagine.

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Thanks, tupp, and Amber.

I am stricken, once again, by the level of exposure having ANYTHING to do with another human being brings, or can bring.

I'm very frustrated, and I mean frustrated over things that happened 15 years ago, 10 years ago, and last night.  It's culminating, and boiling to the surface.  It FEEEEEEELS so unfair that I have to get dragged back into court with disordered nut jobs (I know, remember compassion), and this has all my attention right now. 

I had other things to do.  Now I'm organizing evidence, AGAIN, and trying to think 3 steps ahead of a.......
::Thinking "nit job" but working to find a kinder word::

a.....

lying liar willing to do or say anything to make this last longer, and do maximum harm. 

It gives them such an edge, IME.  It really does, and the truth is.... I haven't made peace with that reality from the last 10 year go'round.  I haven't.

::sigh::.
Once I figure out if this wrong courtdate stuff is a lie, I'll know if I have to pull evidence together again. 

I'll feel better.

Will contact the victim's advocacy guy in the Courthouse, and see what I need to do IF contractor lying about the courtdate.

::Blowing huge raspberries all over THIS stuff::..

And Amber.....

THIS is the stuff that makes it difficult to consider inviting another human being INTO our worlds again, you're right about that.

Lighter

Lighter, it is unfair.  I hope it doesn't happen, that this is all sorted out without you having to do anything.  But it is unfair, and you don't need to feel compassion for people who are deluded, aggressive, demanding, angry, violent, dishonest or any other kind of thing you can think of.  You save your compassion for yourself.

It's alright to give this your attention, right now, Lighter, you're in survival mode and rightly so.  You don't need to sail through this without experiencing emotion or feeling dreadful.  This guy threatened you in your own home.  He's harassed and harangued you.  He's quite clearly unstable and this isn't a situation where you've been triggered by a perfume or some other quite minor thing, this guy is a dangerous nutter.  You've got every right to be angry about what's going on.  And you don't need to make peace with the last ten years; you survived it, you got through it and it will bite you on the arse from time to time.

For now, focus on facts.  Is this letter from him or from his solicitor?  I don't know how different the laws are there, here the police would contact the subject of a restraining order if a further court date was needed.  What's your solicitor saying?  Don't deal with this on your own.  If it's from a sol, are you sure it's a genuine letter?  The whole thing sounds like hooeey to me and I wouldn't trust this bloke not to have found some bizarre way to contact you again.  Fact check, every step, with the right professionals.  Log the contact with the police.  Are there groups that help with this sort of thing?  In the UK we've got Women's Aid, do you have something similar.  Circle your wagons, Lighter, and don't deal with this on your own.  Get the police and other professionals involved and let them handle it.  If you need to take a little holiday away from all of this for a few days then you go.

It is stuff like this that makes us scared to let people in and do you know what, sometimes you need to be scared, because some people are bloody crackpots.  There's nothing wrong with being aware that some people shouldn't be in our lives; they won't bring anything good to our door and they're best to be avoided.  And make sure you tell this mortgage woman that she's recommending a dangerous nutter to people; she needs to be stopped as well.

Keep us updated but get others involved, Lighter, police and solicitors, make sure everyone knows what's going on xx

[lighter]

So I went to the courthouse this morning, perfectly prepared to file contempt with the magistrate IF the date wasn't hinky or wrong on the copy served on the contractor.... and the 4 in the 24 had a rounded OPEN loop that could be interpreted as a 9 by some.... one of the clerks in the courtroom saw a 9.  One saw a 4.

The bottom line is we're going to court again, and the contractor will be there, with an attorney, and no one knows for what.  WILL the court determine the 4 looks like a 9 and reset another hearing date?  WILL the court go ahead and listen to evidence, and rule from the bench that day?

No one knows.  All I know is the date, and name of my Judge.  My attorney will fill me in later about this Judge, though she says all the Judges are smart, conscientious, and care very deeply about doing the very best job possible.  I think they're miles ahead of the Atlanta courts, just from what I've seen with my own eyes.... well... outside this silly keeping up with an elusive summons thing that they didn't know was served, or when, or what exactly the penned in court date was.

Honestly, it's like this summons has a life all it's own, and it's name is chaos.  I've chased it down TWICE now. 

This morning I've been contemplating what exactly C will do in court.  Will he come unglued, will he hear something that clicks in his head, and sends him over the edge?  That's his thing.... to do terrible things, and say it's my fault, bc something about me makes him crazy.  Mind you, I mostly ignore him, and get on with juggling the business at hand, and children.  I'm stoic, that's my thing.  I cringe at drama... he's uber dramatic.  I understate, he wails like a child for attention.... overstating... hyperbole is his communication style.

So, I'm centered, and calm after SEEING what the problem with the summons is.  I couldn't look at it and figure it out, bc I SAW a 4.  I showed up to court on the right day.  I got my Order. 

I got my Order.

There were 2 calls from a blocked number yesterday..... I missed them.  Not sure I would have answered them anyway if I'd seen them.  One right after the other.  It could have been C, and I don't care if it was.  I'm not sure if I should write a final payment and put it in the mail today, or just hand it to him with all his stuff I shlepped back at the courthouse. 

The girls sniff for cigarette smoke when they go outside the house.... C chain smokes.  He's nervous now, he'll be chain smoking wherever he is.  I look for cig butts around my yard.  None, but I remember picking them up BEFORE this safari started.

So, Tupp... sorry for not answering your questions... I wasn't sure what was going on myself.  I filed for a protection order.  The C actually went to the sheriff's office and picked up his summons, which is to say he received service, then was obligated to show up on the chosen courdate to defend himself against the Order.  He failed to show, and I received the Order for a one year period of time.   C showed up on the wrong date, with a lawyer, to defend himself.  The Judge agreed there was a problem with the penned in date, and gave him another day in court.  I have to show up ready to prove my case, again.

I'll write out the truth... distill it down, over and over until it's clear and easy to speak about in minimal terms.... only the meat, no bun, or condiments please.  Just the stuff I can prove, and no PD details that make me appear insane.

This is a cycle I recogni9ze, and it helps to know it runs it's course.... I spin, gather information, figure out what has to be done, then busy myself doing it..... calm is restored. 

There's a reason this paperwork hiccup happened?  IS there?  Am I supposed to be spending this much time in a courthouse again?  IF so, why, and to what purpose?  I'm attempting to view this without judgment, and just see what happens. 

That's a much better place to live in, IME.  I guess, with enough practice, we get better and better at coming back to center.  We KNOW what's going on, and how it works. 

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

YOU, LIGHTER...

are not responsible for his feelings or behavior. You also don't have to let him "get in your head" either, knocking you off center. Don't give him the satisfaction, Mz. Amazon.

You'll be OK; it's all going to be all right. By law, the judge will have to hear this again - including all Mr. Wack-jobs delusions and denials. From the judge's point of view, this is probably just a formality, and it's not going to change his/her opinion on the original order.