Thanks, Tupp!
Yes, there are walking groups. The "big A" does mean anxiety. Stupidly, groups of strangers hiking at different paces are A triggers...I can never tell when asthma will happen and because of the big A, if it's surging (happens to be now) I rarely go to those. I do walk with close friends with whom I feel no embarrassment.
The reason I'd like a medically supervised ex program like something you mention is because it is medically supervised, which will help me feel safe, as I feel like an infant when the A is aggravated. Once that genie is back in its bottle, I won't need the coddling, I hope.
The nice geezer wrote and seems very intelligent and I look forward to meeting him. He did use various phrases that made it sound as though he's into a lot of space, having "outgrown" the need for daily interaction, etc etc. But then mentioned that if the right bells ring, nothing would get in the way. So if one can tell from writing, maybe he's commitment-phobic, but I may be over-interpreting. It's much better for me to ask direct questions. Or to be perverse, I could jolly him along to our first lunch meeting (somewhere soon to enjoy the fall colors) and sit down with a bright smile and go, "Hi! I'm husband hunting!" and see how long it takes him to fall under the table. Heh heh.
Anyway, we'll see. I enjoy the process even when it doesn't take, usually. And I'm a little commitment-phobic myself. He also said he's looking for someone to "hang out with" which doesn't sound like commitment either. I don't know if that's pre-emptive, if he's so appealing he's swamped with contenders, or what. But I usually find my guts will give me some good hints off the bat. I hope I can trust them.
I liked the fact that at my age he still works FT, sounds quite vital, and even has an 11 year-old son who's with him summers, etc. He's divorced. Who knows. I'm curious and open but not gonna go too far with fantasies, I hope.
With boyfriend B, I was attracted at first, but wish I had acted on my realizations faster when his controlling, entitlement personality stuff surfaced. I do spend a lot of time understanding men, and think it might serve me better just to react to them in a quicker way. B. wasn't evil but I sure felt strongly confirmed in my decision to end it the last time I saw him, when he both grabbed and kissed me unexpectedly...felt uncomfortable and again, his felt like a "taking touch" rather than a giving of affection. My whole being went whew, dodged that bullet, as I left. It wasn't fear of touch, it was dislike of that kind of touch. No real connection because he was always taking charge. No space for me to move toward him because he was always pressing.
Anyhow, new fella may be different. Or elusive. We'll see, and it's good to remain open to good possibilities.
You know I'll diary it here. Meanwhile, the quotidian beckons and I'm just wanting to keep things gentle, simpler, calmer. Way way way too much emotional stress recently and I'm scaling back on all I can. Health stuff and writing stuff and even work stuff. I need balance.
Ate well this weekend, that was something. Not what Lighter would call cooking but I was pleased. Brown rice and vegs in a few different formats. Siracha mayo makes everything better, even an egg!
Hugs
Hops
