Walked in the door last night, and....

[lighter]

OK, so there was a letter to my oldest dd from the In Laws in the mail pile last night. 

They know our address.  Of course they do, but they're actually reaching out, and touching us here.

It's not that they've left us completely alone, for they surely have not.  They kept it to harassment out of State, using people in positions of authority.  Standard MO.

So, I'm processing through the familiar stages one experiences when realizing another round of crazy is about to begin bc of them.   

What i think, now, is that I'm curious to see how it feels to have access to my frontal lobe, reliably, while doing it.

Lighter

 

[Hopalong]

Oh, aaaccckkk.

What are your choices?

--Return to Sender unopened?
--Ask DD what she intends to do? (Unless she's already read it?)

I figure they will be after that connection forever.
How much agency will DD have about this?
Do you know what she wants? Any/no relationship?
As she gets older, curiosity will likely drive her into some connection,
or some process by which she can conclude that narrative herself.

But Jeez. I can imagine how you felt.

A very minor example it reminded me of was when my SocioBro tried to force me to read some bypassing-the-lawyers thing he'd sent Registered, to trap me into taking in his opinions, etc. -- and how empowering it was to send it back Refused and unread. But I wasn't a kid.

I'm sorry.

Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Lighter - I hope this is just a one-off; non-event for you & the girls. Not a harbinger of re-engaging. I mean, what's the point? For anyone involved?

[lighter]

Hops, and Amber:

I'm just not doing anything for a bit.  The girls read the letter, put it down, and went back to bringing in luggage.  They haven't touched the letters again.  There were two copies of the letter, folded differently, btw. 

I will share this too, though I'm not expressing feelings either way about it...

all the lights on the lower level of the house were on when we walked in.  Both girls said
 "Every light is on, someone's been in the house."

I didn't say anything.  I absolutely can't say that one of us didn't come back in, as we were leaving, and after all the lights were absolutely off, and turn them all back.  I recall youngest dd did go back into house, I think to brush her hair, but I don't know that she had enough time to hit all those light switches.  Not sure.

I wasn't last out, so there's a chance.

I'm resisting the urge to question food safety, and search the house for hardwired cameras, etc.  I know I'll get to it, but I'm not giving it attention till I've sat with it a bit. 

The half and half was very bitter, so I froze it, and threw out my coffee.  Not bitter in a GONE OFF sort of way, but in a chemical way. 

I don't want to repeat past struggles, Amber.  I want to leave them far behind, and the girls will contact them if they want or not. 

I honestly think the girls understand enough, at this point, to get the situation.  it's just that they so deserve love, and they enjoyed time with that side of the family at times.  They want connection, but part of them understands it's not possible. 

I'll sit with it, and see.  If that doesn't help me find peace, I'll find a T, and see how that goes.  I refuse to continue reacting, which I did yesterday after the girls went to school.  It was the terrible spinning, and crying, and feeling completely hopeless for a minute, then different solutions began popping up, as they always do.  I've done this so many times.  I know how it goes.  I'd like to learn how to skip the initial reactions, and just go to solutions, and making choices, then acting.  Less emotion, and crisis.  More, Oh ya, this always happens, it's what it is, lets get through it as quickly as we can, and keep moving.

It definitely impacts my life.  I wish that wasn't true, but it is.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Lord, Lighter.
Deep breath.

Signs of a home invasion, suspecting spy cameras were installed, and believing your Half&Half was POISONED?

Honey. Is it possible those thoughts are not rational? But a burst of paranoia?
Trust me, this is not a judgement. Just concern. But the truth is when I read it, I thought "symptoms." Not "facts."

Yikes, you. Yes, you DO need professional support and an objective eye you can explain EVERYTHING to. And imn-ho, that's need pronto. For a letter in the mail to trigger All This, you are more vulnerable than you need to be. Please get someone good, and wise, and professional, and highly educated (not alterna-T) in your corner, okay?

Concerned not criticizing,
Hops