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2019 Farm Life

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Hopalong:
Checkout time....

Need a bellhop? Hopsette?

Hope the coast is soon clear and calm.

love
Hops

lighter:
Sounds like it's time, Amber.

sKePTiKal:
Minor crisis here:

Holly went to investigate the difficulty of hooking up the plow to the ranger - I have a delivery coming next week and this weekend looks to be a repeat of last weekend's 9.5 inches of snow - so it would be good to have the ability to plow the driveway. So far, only her redneck jeep and the ranger have made it up the hill, to where our road is plowed. Cleaned off my jeep yesterday and the plan is to get out and get over the mountain for my monthy errands over there.

So, I can't find the remote cable that operates the winch, which operates the blade. Dammit. My brain is so tired from trying to absorb and contain and endure house guest's manic, anxiety-driven activity - and self-absorption - that I haven't sleep well this whole month. He's not unpleasant; unlikeable; just not able to regulate himself - thoughts, emotions or behaviors. And Hol is enabling the continuation of that state, although SHE has an escape hatch, spending time with her new sweetie.

We have been making plain that we are not equipped to teach him how to do that. And the resulting eggshell-walking required to not trigger his depressive phase is mind-blowingly IMPOSSIBLE. Anything and everything can set him off... and what he wants to describe about himself or talk about triggers US. He finally made contact with a place here that has both in/out patient care. They've told him to go to the ER first, for evaluation. Makes sense; is easy... and they have some temporary space for mentally ill people. I think he's simply dealing with a mountain-load of stress that he can't handle intellectually or emotionally all in one big swallow at once. But, to repeat myself - neither Holly or I are capable of helping him with that.

So, the plan is - I'm going over the mountain today for my errands. Holly will take her other guest, who is getting a bit of cabin fever and is a long-time close friend... and attempt to drop off the resident house guest with the issues, at the hospital. It's right on the way into town.

I'm going to be happy to see him go. I'm not adopting grown children this year; or next year either. Don't hate him, but he's making me damn crazy... and I'm tired of not being able to say, do, think or feel those things in my OWN HOUSE. And Holly is going to hear that loud & clear once he's cleared out. I'm not running a ward for people who can't cope with life, here.

Has to be today; last weekend we got snowed in. And snow is coming again tomorrow.

lighter:
Yikes, Amber.

 I got chills thinking about you getting snowed in AGAIN with the troubled young man.

Hurry... but keep safe.

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Yeah, now he's changed his mind and decided instead of waiting in the ER, he'll make an appt with someone private. Sight unseen, of course. Hol says she's trying to be compassionate, but when his anxiety makes it impossible for me to relax in my own home... I'm out of compassion. It ain't limitless, and starts to very much look like taking advantage - given he's taken liberties in my studio, even AFTER I've suggested a good workspace, and why.

He's working with dirt, ashes & old cigarette butts and making one hell of a mess on our socializing table. I said: at least put wax paper under your work... but NOoooo. This is apparently "rude" as well.

If you see an explosion in the near future... you'd be right. I'll drive him myself. JUST to get my house & space back from this kind of "feel sorry for me, but don't try to help me, because I don't know what I want to do... oh, and feel sorry for me because I'm trying not to be a problem even though I pace back & forth in the studio in mania, and between the buildings at all hours of the night - never turning off lights; turning off heaters that are supposed to be left on; and never locking a door.

I'm officially angry now; Hol is aware without me saying it - she's at the end of HER ROPE, as well, and it's now work for her to feel compassion. She didn't comment about my opinion that she's enabling his indecision with "compassion".

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