Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2019 Farm Life
lighter:
Oh, the anticipation! My Lord, in this age of immediate self-gratification, I'm impressed with the willpower it takes to slow down, look at time tables, and honor his dd, bc she's important to him.
I'm thinking you're a very lucky woman, Amber. I think he'll care for all the people he loves with as much care.
Lighter
Hopalong:
I think the year is a wise and caring interval, for all of you.
Sometimes one of the most loving things is to slow it all down a step, so the pace doesn't take over and sweep us into logs and stuff.
Hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Well, yes, I'm finding out a LOT about Buck as we share in life's logs and other obstacles that make that decision very wise.
Holly made a stupid decision Saturday night and got caught. Around midnight, I get a terse text: "I need help". A few minutes later: "Pontiac's stuck in ditch". And despite my repeated responses of "where are you?" even after I'd gotten dressed... I heard nothing for awhile, then the last thing was: "cops are here". So I still had no idea where she was. And I heard nothing from her after that.
Needless to say I was wide awake and in panic mode. Fortunately Buck is a night owl. He got me settled down and thinking again, and to my dismay, I found her when I finally called the VA county sheriff around 4 am. I knew she'd gone into the town over the mountain, to visit friends. This is HER problem; not mine - especially when she'd explicitly promised she wouldn't do this right before she left but I'm a mom, I have my own feelings about when my kids do something stupid, dangerous, and at her age - rediculous. Especially with her persona about being so capable and so "there" for the people she cares about. I picked up the next morning. The "fallout" is all on her.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I realized - I hadn't gotten a tirade about what she'd done, from Buck. No fix it advice, no "you shoulda, coulda", none of that. I didn't even know I was bracing myself for it. Every single one of my ex's tirades are engraved on my memory, though. But he was there for ME, 100%. We even giggled along about 5 am, about all the awful things parents fantasize about punishments for their kids. We were definitely punchy about then.
And that has continued. He has offered some ideas/suggestions about handling things from here on out. When I mentioned how AMAZING that is to me, he said it's not his way to add to the misery; he treats people, particularly ones he's close to, the way he wants to be treated. (People in general often disappoint him as a result.) He's even given me space - which I needed for sleep and just wrapping my head around how this one action of hers is going to impact everything/everyone else around here.
Likewise, he has things like that going on. He has a 17 yr old daughter. And he's let me help him, too. No male ego "I got this" crap. Even when I explained dealing with Holly's reaction - beating herself up in the worst way and also blaming me, while bargaining with the universe for a get out jail free card - in the aftermath of the hurricane, his own situation with his D, and just general uphill life struggles...
he didn't somehow make it my responsibility or fault. When I said I would understand if he didn't want to step into my life crap... he came back immediately, with "I'm not going anywhere. This isn't anything big, compared to what I've been through." Which I know for a fact, from being at least close friend to him for years.
I am absolutely gobsmacked. Floored. He's not just really there for me; has my back - he's not in the habit of making things harder with the usual stuff people do to others, especially those they're closest to - this is a level of intimacy that's brand-spankin' new for me.
SOLD.
Twoapenny:
Aw, Skep, this is so lovely to read! And isn't it amazing how something relatively small can be the thing that makes you realise how amazing someone is? He's confident you're got this and is happy to just be there and let everything unfold as it needs to. He sounds perfect! No drama, no crisis management, no hidden messages to decipher. Just simple, straightforward respect, trust and companionship. How amazing. xx
Hopalong:
Aww, Amber. This is wonderful.
SO good to hear you being treated lovingly and supportively and respectfully...exactly what you deserve, dear.
Bravo Buck and bravo, YOU.
I'm really sorry about Hol's stupid choice. Not that you need to say, but I'm guessing DUI. When I think about the times when, young, I risked that and lucked out....
What a shame. And what a learning opportunity. I'm sorry she took it out on you. If anything doesn't belong to you, there's a fine example. Hang strong.
Hugs
Hops
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