Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2019 Farm Life
lighter:
Amber:
It's human to seek pleasure, and avoid pain.
It's unfortunate when we don't have any choice about it, and lack balance, IME.
What's the saying? What we resist, persists.
Ya, that's it.
Hol will have to decide when she's ready to deal with whatever this is. Until then, you know there's no escaping what we fear. It always finds us.
When Hol's ready, you'll be a tremendous resource for her.
In the meantime, there's a site DailyOM, with different classes you can take. I signed up for the Codependent becoming Independent Class, and it's good. Also, I decided how much to pay for it, which is lovely. Whoever came up with that really wants to get the information into everyone's hands who needs it.
Short lessons you can open at your own pace.
I hope Hol figures out the scary stuff won't kill her to look at it. It's the way to get it off her back, and out of her life, IME.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
I'm of the same opinion Lighter. It's only going to continue to fester until she gets it out where she can see it for what it is. Then, knowing her ability & strength, it won't take long for her to make short work of it.
Facing fear, is the only way I know to deal with it. See it, feel it, and go do what needs doing in the face of it anyway. That's acquired myself some pretty strange labels, but I don't care what those people think about me. I stopped caring about that kind of thing a long time ago.
The busy, busy season is about upon us. Well drillers will be here Monday; contractor reviews the site clearing that's done for room for him to work. Fence guy is bringing materials over today; I moved the rest of that pile of topsoil on the pond dam, so it wouldn't be in his way and put it where I need to plant what survives of the ground cover I bought this spring.
Things I had planned to do - got bumped out of the way to accommodate other people's needs for my time/energy as they integrate into life here. So, I'm a tad irritated about that right now. But the important stuff has gotten done; is getting done. The hermit wants her space back. And the slower pace of activity. And not having to deal with OPPs. I'm coping by making my bedroom suite the "lounge area" and spending a lot more time there right now. It's cozy and comforting and I can daydream about how I'll make it work for two people.
lighter:
LOL... I've made my bedroom a lounge area as well..... the girls are older, and need their space without mom looking over their shoulders, or appearing to be THERE all the time. So, that means no PUG in my room shedding, or on my bed with her backside, and dirty little paws. Bedding white, and feels very nice and clean.... I want some space that's just mine too! Since I've been spending more time on my own, oldest dd18 has been spending a few nights with me, putting her head on my chest, and talking freely, which is different. Working on myself really is impacting the girls in a positive way.
We're waiting to hear back from the County about a communal septic system, and community dock at Dad's lake property. I think we're good on the well water situation, but that's not clear yet either, IMO.
I imagine that Hol having her own place, and Buck BEING there will make a huge difference in the amount of work you get done. Don't judge yourself or beat yourself up. Just go back to your boundaries, and take care of yourself. Maybe that, alone, will help Hol too.
Ligther
sKePTiKal:
The big thing right now for Hol is dealing with her boss & friend's passing and supporting her girlfriend - who was his girlfriend. That put her DUI right into perspective and she's accepting whatever happens, even if she knows she's not going to like it. Think she's headed to Baltimore in the next day or so to be there. She's been knocking things off the to-do list here as fast as possible.
Steve will be in/out for work and John, Hol's HS friend drove across country from Portland and is here while he puts together a van to go exploring up/down the east coast for new places to potentially land. So I won't exactly have my privacy back; but it should be OK.
I'm not so confident I really want a guy in my space, oddly enough. That sounds strange to me, but it's true. And I'm not really sure why. Maybe because he's a night owl and I'm jealous of my 7-8 hrs of sleep. The room isn't overly large for one thing; but not cramped either. It's cozy. My cave... I realize this will probably pass. And we'll make time to be together again before any permanent type decisions are made.
Right now, I'm waiting on contractors. Fence and the general contractor for the Holly Hut. Everyone's off doing their things and I've got a new business project to deal with... and trying to sort out some new naval gazing crap about Buck that also isn't making any sense to me right now. Think I'm tired from so much going on and just need to let some dust settle again. Not do a single thing I don't have to till the picture of what's going on snaps into focus. There is just too much going on all at once around here, all the time.
The sunlight today is crystalline clear; not a speck of humidity. Temps are bearable without the a/c - which died during the heatwave.
lighter:
Amber:
Are you thinking you'll share your private bedroom space with B, or keep your own space yours, give him a space of his own? I guess you'll figure that out when you get to it, but many have definitive thoughts on the topic. I've always shared, but secretly craved my own space, sans men. I'm pretty sure I'd want my own space at this point.
I can't believe your ac is down. That's unbelievable, considering the heat, and humidity we've been having. You're a tough cookie. Do you plan to replace, fix, or just live without?
About the company, you don't have to host or entertain. You can do your own thing, and not feel obligated.... see how that feels. Time on projects, in your room, or working in the house might shift into getting some help for your projects if you stay focused?
Not sure, but good luck on the hol hut.
Lighter
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