Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2019 Farm Life
sKePTiKal:
We had a very adult and calm discussion about roles and how we'll be swapping roles at various times during the Hut construction process and farm development. It's reassuring to her that she gets to be the general on the Hut - and I'm just facilitator, right hand man. She got to say her piece - and be heard - without me reacting instantly. (shakes head; she's right I was jumping right into defensive reaction without hearing her out...)
So for now, we're all good. SOME of the Buck stuff does need sharing since she IS concerned about my welfare and I do have solid boundaries on things that are simply none of her business. She doesn't push, any more than she volunteers overmuch about her and Steve. All the estate stuff is explained to her satisfaction - including some fail-safes for helping her with her sister and if I decide to add anything extra for Buck, it will also be limited and basically under her control... up until she released it from the trust.
I like hearing your take on things Hops! Even if it is a little more of what you know personally, versus what's going on around here. It shines light on things I might not have thought of. Believe it or not I MISS a lot of things. LOL.
sKePTiKal:
Well yesterday wasn't such a good day.
Mike's & my anniversary; I tried to avoid it then got an email from his medical records - which I had tried to disable 3 times in the last 4 years. Apparently death doesn't affect databases. That crap's forever.
Hol hasn't stopped her barrage. Just changed tactics. Back to boundaries and what I call shields/force fields.
Everything I wanted to get accomplished yesterday took a back seat to what other people wanted.
And poor Buck stepped on the landmine which was my internal pressure building up and he took the full force of it. I think I'm going to just crawl back into a hole somewhere and re-think everything. Now, if you'll excuse me...
lighter:
Remember to keep breathing, Amber.
Deeply, with intention.
All will be well.
Lighter
Hopalong:
((((((((Amber))))))))).
I'm so sorry.
You are truly feeling beleagured, and justifiably so.
I think Hol needs to learn to stop her own runaway train. She may not recognize how destructive this is, but that doesn't excuse aggressive or disrespectful behavior.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this pressure.
I'm resonating with this a lot because of my own experience, of course...which tilts me. Not objective.
Time for some respect and tenderness for her mother, I say. Whatever boundaries there are she seems to feel comfortable trampling. She's lost perspective about who's who, and where, and with whose resources.
Not demonizing her, she's doing what she feels it's okay to do. And I have no doubt she's a vital and interesting and valuable and wonderful person. But. SO ARE YOU.
You deserve respectful treatment, not to mention loving behavior. That's not kow-towing, it's just...right.
Big hugs,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
The easiest way to describe what I see as my only way through, is to call it "pulling rank". No point in trying to map that out specifically. Just have to surf it. She's tough; she won't like me much for awhile, but hey - it needs to happen.
I *think* Buck is OK. We each got some space; I apologized and explained. Probably too much, but he's OK; we're OK.
The whole pulling rank thing is awkward for me. I don't see myself being leader material. But I can't really escape, finesse or delegate that role around here without doing a dis-service to myself and everyone else too. That time will come; it ain't now.
Hello, big girl panties. LOL. Or as I like to call them, my stainless steel armor.
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