Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2019 Farm Life
Hopalong:
You okay, Amber?
Just checking in.
I imagine loads of activity, and hope
that's happy preoccupation. Mostly happy?
Then again, could be something's not going
quite right.
No pressure, just know I'm thinking of you.
Hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Thanks Hops; LOTS going on. Barely time to sort it for myself... but I'll get some downtime to update soon.
lighter:
I hope everyone's OK, Amber.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
The forces of the maelstrom have been unleashed here in the past week or so. Everything that was on an even keel went haywire; there's been all the human drama around it too... and then the wind simply died down; blew itself out. Individually and together large amounts of energy have been expended. I mighta had something to do with that. LOL.
Holly is not the only force of nature around here. I just very seldom unleash mine.
So, since Hol is pregnant again, Steve hasn't been working as much as he'd planned. They've spent a lot of time together consequently. (Hut construction has been delayed twice now, due to weather.) Hol & I met with lawyer last week and he came up with some practical ideas, solutions, workarounds, which all told add up to some major RELIEF for her & I. I won't go into it, 'coz the court date is tomorrow morning - show up & wait to be called - and we are so over, thinking and talking about it; feeling it...
meanwhile her friend John from the west coast drove across country with white shining knight armor to rescue her from what he imagined her distress was, and help her get through it. (The reasons for that might be obvious to any smitten teenaged romance writer.) Bless his heart; it's in the right place... he means well. But the fact she doesn't need his help and is so capable on her own - before you get to her current support system... well, that didn't register until I finally painted a highly detailed picture for him. THAT blew a giant hole in the projected fantasy in his head... so then I spent some time on ego damage control (that's not one of Hol's strong areas)...
AND with John in the studio, Hol & Steve in the house... I had nowhere to go that was "my space" anymore, except my bedroom. But with things to do, get done, sewing projects, etc... and this motley band of genX personalities to keep from conflicting with each other (and my own rising discomfort levels about EVERYthing)... I've had one of my (in)famous meltdowns and have pushed things back to decent levels of boundaries... safer emotional spaces...
and in the middle of this, Buck informs me he might be able to move up his plans to be here.
So I have been speechless due to overwhelming gratitude and awe, excitement & anticipation... and even the need to have him backing me up here in this 3 ring circus... I just haven't been able to verbalize anything. I am "the mistress of change" - and have learned how to surf that beast - but I'm getting too old for this shit!!!!!!! And tired; nay - exhausted.
Details at 11. One thing at a time. But this is the gist of what's been going on around here. It's not that I don't assert myself; and that I have no authority.... it's that I expect people to manage their own issues and crap in an adult fashion, so I DON'T have to put that hat on.
lighter:
Hi, Amber! So very very happy to read B is maybe moving up dates! YAY! I know that's super important to you, and I have such hope for the life you'll start together. I'm assuming the medical front is OK since you didn't mention it. No news is good news, yup yup yup.
About what you wrote, below:
"But this is the gist of what's been going on around here. It's not that I don't assert myself; and that I have no authority.... it's that I expect people to manage their own issues and crap in an adult fashion, so I DON'T have to put that hat on."
It strikes me.... you don't have to put that hat on, even if the adults around you are struggling.... sometimes everyone struggles, and solving our problems is where a big chunk of growth happens, IME.
You aren't the designated problem solver... or are you? And if you are, who's belief is that... really? Food for thought.
You're perfectly within your rights to set boundaries and expect the adults around you respect them. No drama.... just calmly following through with consequences... no emotional upheaval. No surprises. Cool and consistent. Model self-care and taking care of your own stuff...... you have a lot on your plate and I think you do really well with it. I think any confusion around boundaries can be resolved without drama, and if there's drama, you can choose to stay out of it, IMO.
Maybe I'm way off, but just saying..... nothing wrong with setting up the house the way you want it to run when B is there. Nothing wrong with being the mistress of your own home, and allowing Hol to be the mistress of hers when she has one.
I'm praying Hol receives the best outcome possible in court.
I'm praying B heals, and joins you soon!
Let us know how court goes.
::crossing fingers and toes::.
Lighter
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