Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
Hopalong:
Thanks Lighter, a lot.
I feel fine about the mistake; really do.
Sometimes there's a self-testing curtain call, I think.
Did I learn my lesson?
Do I remember what happened and why?
Do I still believe I did the right thing?
This short exchange with him, although difficult, was validating.
My answer is Yes to all three.
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Was there just a teeny bit of hope that M had also learned to hear/respond to you Hops? Maybe the test was for HIM, ya know.
lighter:
From where I'm standing, I think the shock of so many lovely things being cancelled out by a single character flaw.....is difficult to hold in focus. Sometimes it seems impossible.
Experiencing the dysfunction again, the tightness in my gut, the sick feeling and memory of familiar despair pop back into focus.......and if I bought into hope....if I carry any hope it wasn't as bad as I remember....there's bound to be a bit of energy around it.
Once I have it firmly internalized....once it's living in my conscious and unconscious belief system,without doubt, all the energy surrounding the thing/belief/person/reality, ime..... goes with.
That's why buying into anyone else's opinions is so powerful. The power comes from within ourselves, not from outside us.
Hops, I suspect you were checking your perceptions for changes and not M.
That's how I read your response.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Perceptive questions as ever, y'all! Lighter, exactly what triggering or reliving stuff like that feels like, somatically. Mine is easing but I really understood that description.
I think it was probably a combo of both, but mainly a not-very-conscious test of myself. I didn't FLUNK, but did compose a kind of "what-part-of-this-emotional-common-sense do you not understand" reply before I quickly junked it. I noticed my residual anger, which bothered me for two days. Didn't hurt me to notice it.
M repeating his invitation was standard MO: repeat repeat repeat repeat until he gets his way. I actually loved his last word, that I'm "stubborn" (so similar to "resistant" -- remember that gem?), because all it meant was: "You said NO to me! This does not compute!"
My last word felt just fine. Sufficient. Off he goes to CA, I do wish him well, and my growth continues here. Might still find a geezer; one never knows.
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
I guess M is a good case study of the difference between people who can/want to become an equal partner in a relationship - and those who have mastered the APPEARANCE of same, in order to function in society at a less intimate level; for whatever reason, they don't have the ability to actually cooperate with another person at the emotional level. Society tends to provide alternate rewards which is a validation of sorts.
The main thing to take away from that experience, I guess, is that contact with others is needed - connection; and that you're able to be confident in your abilities to protect yourself now, Hops. I think, that's the little bit of anger you noticed - a natural response to not just, not HEARING you - but the understanding that he's not able to see things from other people's shoes. A melancholy sort of empathy, that he'll probably never "get" those kinds of rewards of being open & receptive to other people's feelings.
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