Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
sKePTiKal:
Hops, something Hol & I are actively working on... (re: criticism HEARD but not intended)...
is that we each OWN those attached "implied ulterior meanings" to things within our own minds/emotions and WE are the ones attaching those meanings a lot of times. Yeah, sure, sometimes there really IS a little dig or an unconscious/subconscious implied message involved. But it's not as often as I, or she, thinks... and that defensive reflex needs to get dialed back a little to facilitate actual conversation on the topic/issue.
Might not something similar be happening re: the "meaning" of those old world manners? At least sometimes?
Hopalong:
Absolutely, Amber. No question about it!
M is just fairly unconscious how desperate his attempts to Obey Grandmother's Dictates Even if You Knock Someone Over Doing It can be.
Fortunately, with a little talk and some hilarity, we've found our own clunky ballet about it. Where it used to terrify my inner feminist it more often amuses me, now.
And what I needed to bring to the interactions is understanding (you should SEE the huge intimidating Central-American-aristocrat grandmother portrait) and humor. I've mostly gotten there.
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
That sounds workable Hops - for both of you.
Can you make a post-it mustache to put on Gramma's portrait? LOLOLOL.
Hopalong:
Amber, that is a BRILLIANT idea! I just may try it.
Except I fear for his mental health when he walks past and sees it unawares...
He really does VENERATE the ancestors. Sheesh. Maybe I need to come up with some hippie pagan ceremony to release their hold on his spirit.
But man, that portrait is tempting. It's the kind of thing one would normally encounter in a museum. I'm sure she loved him and he her, yet it's also a reminder that M grew up in Another World. Old school to the max.
And then he ran off to Berkeley, became a wild rebellious creature, and an obsessively successful historian! He really is brilliant, no exaggeration, and that is SO much fun to be around, most of the time. (Maybe his Grandma-reflexes are a way of holding on to parts of himself that otherwise got scattered to the winds when he left CR and plunged into 60's California culture.)
I love him. He makes me smile. I feel much happier and safer in life because of him. There's no understating what a difference he's made. I am LUCCCCCKKKKKYYYY.
Gratitude is my favorite emotion, and this is my favorite holiday. I need to remind myself to tune into it every single day.
Hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
I'm really glad things are going so well and you're happy, Hops. You deserve to be happy so very much. I'm reminded a little of when you first got Pooch - I seem to remember it was difficult at first and you were wondering if you should keep her or not? But then it all settled down and became a full on love situation. M is now Pooch :) Lol. I'm really pleased it's all going so well, even with Granny on the wall :) xx
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