Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
Meh:
A Sikh as a therapist, that's pretty cool maybe.
Out of what you wrote this is the one thing that jumps out at me: "if I feel vulnerable, I imagine contacting friends for comfort, not him".
Hopalong:
Yep. He'll say or do anything, in terms of taking action: bring food when I'm sick, fix something if it's broken, help me in all sorts of practical ways. What he doesn't demonstrate is emotional empathy in the moment of vulnerability. The day after, when maintenance of a crisis kicks in, he's unbeatably helpful.
Described it just that way today and the T told him, all your life you've been in a powerful reward system that's rewarded you for taking charge, producing, doing and acting. What Hops is asking you for is being: with her pain or her feelings, in the present.
T also said that even in their seventies, people can learn empathy. He doesn't believe M has none, but that his life taught him it was just the other things that had value. But that teaching M this is going to take tiiiiiiiime.
Listening, we talked about too. I described his frantic talk and he and the T talked about how M finds it very difficult to wind himself down. It felt helpful and practical.
I'm encouraged. If therapy continues to be this valuable, things could turn out well.
Hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
I'm always amazed at how well you can pick up and talk about very specific points, Hops, and how dedicated you are to talking through them, and I am also glad and impressed that M is sticking with it, engaging in the process and listening to things that must prickle him a bit, even though they are true. The T sounds like such a good fit for you both and it is quite amazing that there is the tech now to have that group meeting without being in the same room.
I know that you have a research background so this may be something you've researched before and were not impressed by or may have even found out unpleasant stuff about, but I didn't know so I thought I would mention it - I was introduced to Bach Flower Remedies by a therapist I was seeing twenty years ago and I've used them ever since. I've never done any research into them because I just felt they helped from the outset and I never bothered, to be honest :) But anyway, I was dosing myself up this morning and reading the description of a person who may benefit from 'Heather' and M popped into my head as I read it:
'.....there is an almost compulsive need to talk about themselves. They always need an audience and have an irresistible urge to off-load everything that happens to them. If there is no-one at home they'll talk on the phone for hours, most of the sentences starting with 'I'........'
I'm paraphrasing a bit but it just chimed with what you've mentioned previously and I thought I would mention it just in case M would like to buy himself a bottle and have a little go with it, but of course feel free to ignore completely if it doesn't suit :) I'm glad the T sessions are going well and hope you can get to a point with him where he feels like the port in the storm more than he feels like the storm :) xx
Meh:
Aww that's awesome Hops. Glad you both are getting something out of it. "T also said that even in their seventies".
Life long learning it sounds like.
Hopalong:
That Heather remedy description is amazingly spot on, Tupp. Thanks for that!
I would love for M to try something but unless it's evidence-based, he won't go there. I have to admit I'm pretty similar, about homeopathy and such. I believe it's all placebo, not that there's anything wrong with that!
Thanks, G. Learning is ongoing, definitely. I remember some of the folks in their 90s I worked with sharing realizations they'd had in very recent years. It was inspiring.
Hugs
Hops
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