Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
sKePTiKal:
Wise choice, to stick with the present - and just experience it as it is - instead of giving in to the temptation of fantasy, Hops.
Looking back over how things transpired, it seems to me you finally got M to take you seriously about how interacting with him, when he's in certain modes, affected you - and that it REALLY affected you. This was accomplished by breaking up. It's unfortunate that sometimes that's the only way for some people to put themselves in your shoes; to see things from your point of view. (If that's what's happened.) And when it only happens occasionally and to a lesser degree... most of the time, people can absorb it and rock on. Some people do wait for a later time, to bring it up and discuss it in detail rather than address it in the now.
Whether or not this is a permanent awareness change, or better managing one's personal impact of the other, or some of everything, only time and experience will tell. But, I do suspect that you'll both learn things about yourselves and each other, and how you guys work together from all this. I get the sense that neither of you feel the previous form of relationship nor the current one was/is a waste of time.
I know I said, you shouldn't have to work so hard to feel heard & emotionally safe in a relationship. Emotional safety and being able to be taken seriously are critical (for me) in any relationship. IMO, without those two things love isn't possible. But we all understand, define and perceive things differently. And even the same person can perceive things in more than one way - some of that's dependent on that ability stand in the other's shoes and look at things from their perspective (and their way of interacting with the world, background, insecurities, education, experience ad infinitum).
But neither should it be such hard work for the other person to wish me safe & heard - and assume their part in that process. The two pieces need to be balanced for stability and resilience in the relationship. IMO.
I'm just glad you're in such a comfortable space with things right now and know how to keep them that way for yourself.
Twoapenny:
Well I think you should be scared of being controlled, Hopsie, it's a horrible way to live your life and a nasty form of abuse that's often difficult to spot so I think being frightened of it is very sensible.
I like the plan for the day; one or two things to accomplish and power charging Pooch with sunshine :) Winter sun is lovely, I bet she looks like a fuzzy gold bear :) Lol xx
lighter:
Hi, Hops:
I'm not against happy partnering and relationship. I'm allergic to negative/unhealthy/ toxic people.
New connection would be welcome if the right doors open....I'd likely step through.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Good attitude, Lighter.
Hope that door opens if and when you're ready and he's right.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
I've read The Gift of Fear many times, Hops. What are you referring to in chapter 2?
Lighter
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