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Relationship/s

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Hopalong:
I think you and B did GREAT, Amber. It was gradual, began in friendship, and included all those small moments/info bits that one day added up to a new realization. Nothing whatsoever wrong with your online roots, either.

In my case, my goal is to avoid making any sort of project out of finding someone. Other than a desultory and relaxed approach to the coffee-date kind of intro the site facilitates, I'm not drilling deeper or trying to read more into anything much. I'm pretty good at written red flag detection, so that weeds out a lot of people. And it's fine with me.

I'm almost at a place where "never" might become as good an outcome as "finding him." Almost. Still have The Dream but I've turned the heat down to such a slow simmer that it might just turn out to be a pleasant fantasy that led to a couple new friendships and nothing more. Either way, I want to radically release the outcome, as much as I can. I do know it won't be because I master anything other than myself.

No group chat on that site and I just do not want to bond online before meeting. Full stop. (I do totally Google unashamed for whatever public info might turn up. But that's it.) So those patient enough to accept that quirk and arrange an actual meet, great. Those not that patient aren't for me. And Mr. Rogers is transparent and pretty darn guileless. Reiner makes me laugh and is in love with humanity. I'm liking those depictions of what will help me drop my guard and, if I'm lucky, find somebody to love AND live with. If it doesn't happen, I want to pre-emptively make my peace with that too.

Feel like I'm making big progress, and wanting more to focus on myself than somebody theoretical.

hugs
Hops

Twoapenny:
"wanting more to focus on myself than somebody theoretical"


Hopsie, I think that's the bit, in a nutshell.  Exactly that. xx

Hopalong:
Thanks, (((((Tupp))))).

I actually learned a lot from the struggles and disillusionments with M. He's still human as am I, and so far, I'm okay with just-friends.

Now, I'm looking for new just-friends. No pre-written agenda. No room for it.

hugs
Hops

Twoapenny:
I think the learning's always good, Hopsie, it's just difficult when the lessons are so painful.  And yes, we're all human, with our hang ups and habits and not so good bits alongside the bits that make us lovely :)  Just not always easy to find someone that matches and I think it is natural to guard your heart more closely when you've been hurt in the past, and that tends to make us a bit more cautious (which I think sometimes is a good thing; it does mean your spidey senses prick up at small things and I think it's good that we take notice of those.  And I should say that when I say 'your' I don't mean you specifically, just anyone who's already had to nurse a broken heart :) ).  I am looking forward to hearing more about new just friends when they come along :) xx

sKePTiKal:
Focusing on one's self - and making necessary updates in one's perspective, maybe habits, and general well-being is my new advice to anyone between relationships for whatever reason.

It's the best investment of time & energy anyone can make, IMO. I'm still practicing that, even with the promise from B that the time till arrival & staying is getting very short. Keeping myself grounded in what works for me makes it easier, I think, to make the transition in a clear & honest way.

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