Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
Hopalong:
Thanks, Tupp. It really was a lightbulb moment and I'm grateful for it. Maybe more like a lightning bolt moment. I'm very glad those layers peeled away and I suddenly saw the underneath story. I honestly hadn't seen it and it's been lifelong. I'm sorry I didn't see the pattern with clarity sooner, but it got through when it did and I feel lucky about it.
I'll take insight as one of the greatest gifts in life. Smooth tidy insight that fits in the dresser would be nice, but in my life/nature more often it kind of explodes.
I think that's good, though. Maybe it's some form of essence or personal lessons being concentrated or more intense during this chapter of life.
I've been very tired over the last few days. Must've been all that emotional exercise. But awake-tired. Thinking-tired. Etc. All very much worth it.
Thanks for the encouragement, dear Tupp. I don't expect anything particular to happen any time soon but I'm doing a dutiful check-in on the website and am connecting with new writing groups locally. ALL of that is good for me.
And since poetry is connected directly to my heart, if I am writing more and connecting finally with the local poet community, I will be finding connections in a way, regardless. Important ones for me.
big hugs to you,
Hops
Twoapenny:
Aw, Hopsie, I'm glad it was a constructive lightbulb moment, sometimes those realisations can be like tsunamis of so much unexpressed stuff coming out but it's great when they give you clarity and things just make more sense. Quite nice it's come now, I think, with the possibility of a difficult winter ahead, and it's so lovely that you're connecting with writing groups. I think that way of being around people that you can have those connections with (even if it's online rather than face to face) is so nice. I'm really pleased that it's all kind of made sense and lined up like this xx
Hopalong:
Thanks, Tupp!
I just got invited by a local Serious Poet (teaches at the university also) to join a poetry workshop group. My goal is to present (for many, revise) all the poems I've written since my first collection in the late '70s.
It all happened because poet friend introduced me to those two poets I already meet with, and one of them forwarded an invite to give a live reading, and the best poet there offered to plug me into the loop with good quality poetry events/workshops etc. Happened in a week. He also sent me his own manuscript, which is lovely.
It does feel good. In other respects I'm not feeling very well, can't sleep and had some chest pangs and SOB during the night. I think if I conk out for a few more hours I'll feel better. (Two days ago I slept right through the most important meeting about the refugees. Woke up from a nap not knowing whether it was AM or PM. Was upset but got caught up with the group and back on track.)
Thanks for noticing and caring, Tupp. The downs get balanced out by the UPS, and all this poetry stuff is a huge UP.
BTW, I got a very sincere and sweet email from The Nun and I accepted her apology completely, as she did mine. We'll get together sometime in the next couple weeks. I'm glad it wasn't a friendship-ending conflict and that we each handled it well.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
I'm trying to stay rooted in the moment, Hops. My first reaction to your finding the poets is.... I wish you found the poets and poet events a year ago, 2..... more, many years ago.
Then I remember...... you found them/they found you at the right time and this is happening now.
I missed a little of the joy around that.... wasted it on rumination. Even if it was just a little. I noticed and noted it.
I'm happy for you and the other poets. You'll all benefit through this connection. Golly.... seems such a positive connection for all of you. Like lightening in manuscripts and pens.
As for the Nun....I've just gone through a bit of the same dance with my friend..... the one who lost her husband recently was here for Halloween and there was no husband buffering or me tiptoeing around his demise in their shared space to buffer the rough spots. Well....I'll write about it on another thread, but I'm happy the Nun reached out. My friend and I are Ok too.
Lighter
Hopalong:
I hear you on the rumination, Lighter.
It truly is sad that I didn't have the insight-tsunami about my men-choices decades ago. I really regret it. I think I often got nearly drowned by deep and unconscious drives to "fix" childhood wounds; particularly the brother ones. Especially now, when I long for a life partner more than I ever have before and candidates are harder to come by, I'm regretful it didn't come sooner. But things happen when they do (I don't think there's "always a reason" but accept that they just happen). And I don't give up.
I think it's okay to accept that it's a sad revelation at the very same time that it's positive and a great relief to have been swomped on the head with it. Both things exist together; we're just currents of learning all the way through life. 'Tis what 'tis.
I'd rather die in the middle of a meaningful learning experience than decide I'm done.
"Sad" and "die" aren't negative words for me, just words. If I weren't balancing them inside with "happy" and "change" maybe they'd be "bad" -- but I'm feeling overall good about it. A little melancholy, but that's the season it is -- life, pandemic, physical changes. Gratitude, even in spurts, really helps me keep going.
Glad things are sorting out with your friend as well!
hugs
Hops
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