Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
Hopalong:
((((Tupp))))
It's a defense against disappointment to zero in on all the group's mistakes and inadequate leaders. I understand it completely.
I wonder if it'd help you to not be so concerned about the logic, legalistic consistency, or proper organization of their behavior? (Sounds like an echo of how you feel about The System which makes it so hard to trust any bureaucrat, though I know these are just regular people.)
What if, instead, you could not focus on performance, but just on feeling good about being a part of something. Not with grand or perfectionistic goals, but just to be there (NO, not as constant dishwasher!) with other benign human beings, pottering toward some kind of good goal, however imperfectly.
I think you just need to be in rooms with other benign human beings. As often as you can.
Hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Garbanzo on August 21, 2019, 02:26:10 PM ---Two I read your last few posts here about intentional community. I don't know what I think about it and don't feel I'm the best to give advice.
I guess we have to explore all options we know about as part of our due diligence in life. Even if a lot of the options end up being no-goes. If we don't at least ponder it we can't even rule them out.
There are so many pros and cons to consider in that scenario.
What is this most recent group that you are doing tea duty for?
--- End quote ---
I think that's it, G, it's about exploring options isn't it, and seeing if something may or may not work. It's just an idea to look into at the moment. Our current situation isn't sustainable and the prospect of putting him into a care home doesn't appeal to me just yet, partly because of dealing with officialdom, partly because standards are low, partly because I don't think it will change my life much - I'll still be on my own and worn out from working long hours, so too tired to get out there and meet people. So I'm wondering whether sharing house space would be an option. It is nice to be in the position of having time to check something out, rather than being in a crisis and having to make a decision quickly (which is what I usually find myself doing) so I'm just going to look on it as a project and see what it turns up :)
The group is a very nice group of local parents who all have children with educational or health problems. I've been going for a couple of months now and it's been great - yesterday just felt a bit less great and my antennae popped up a bit. It's no biggie, I'm just noticing things and filing things into 'keep an eye on that'. It's more to do with my own problems/patterns and not wanting to get myself into another rut where I'm doing too much and feeling resentful. Just need to keep a balance there :) How are you doing with your decision making situation? xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on August 21, 2019, 11:19:46 PM ---((((Tupp))))
It's a defense against disappointment to zero in on all the group's mistakes and inadequate leaders. I understand it completely.
I wonder if it'd help you to not be so concerned about the logic, legalistic consistency, or proper organization of their behavior? (Sounds like an echo of how you feel about The System which makes it so hard to trust any bureaucrat, though I know these are just regular people.)
What if, instead, you could not focus on performance, but just on feeling good about being a part of something. Not with grand or perfectionistic goals, but just to be there (NO, not as constant dishwasher!) with other benign human beings, pottering toward some kind of good goal, however imperfectly.
I think you just need to be in rooms with other benign human beings. As often as you can.
Hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
Thanks Hops, all is okay, it was just my antennae popping up. The only reason I mention the emails and other bits is because that's what they've asked me to help out with. I don't mind helping but don't want to end up repeating things because people keep changing their minds and getting caught in power struggles because people aren't speaking to each other. Similarly don't want to fall into the role of 'passive listener' (which is what yesterday felt like a bit) or tea lady! So it was just noticing things as they come up and giving myself a bit of a reminder not to fall into those old patterns and go down old paths again. I'm sure it will be okay, I've messaged the lady in charge and asked her if she can speak to the chap she's kept a bit in the dark before she goes on her holidays so hopefully if she does that things will settle down a bit again xx
Twoapenny:
Just pondering as I feel sooooo ill today. We haven't had a major change in our routine - we did go out to meet some friends on Tuesday and I was tired afterwards but it was a nice day and not terribly busy, just a bit more driving than usual. I'm not in my mad phase of my cycle so I doubt it's hormones and I haven't eaten or taken anything different to normal. So either Tuesday was too much for me (despite the fact it wasn't a huge amount of activity) and I'm feeling it now, or the triggering yesterday has had an effect. I think I just need to try to keep track of when I have these random 'ill' days to see if I can spot a link between physical activity or emotional triggers being the factor that's causing the problem.
Meh:
Same was a crap week. Tired after stress effect I guess. Nah no decisions right now
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