Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
Twoapenny:
I'm practising taking time to respond - that's my reciprocal relationship with myself at the minute :) A friend got in touch about meeting up; I do want to see her but the last three times I've tried to meet up she's either not got back to me or she's got back to me after the thing I invited her to has happened :) So I do want to see her but my natural urge (on getting her text) is to say, "yes, of course, when are you free?" and arrange what I'm doing to suit. I don't really want to do that so much any more so I'm holding off replying and I actually think I want to spend some time resting up at the moment and getting a bit of work done on the house. So I might give myself a couple of weeks grace and tell her I'll give her a shout towards the end of the month or something.
sKePTiKal:
Having a "social life" requires (sometimes) being a master schedule juggler. At least, if you're participating in the decision-making. Sometimes, I find that to be just "one more thing I have to do"... and working on a future schedule, I'm unsure of committing myself - because something all-consuming for me might come up, I might be super-tired at that time and just need to veg, etc.
I only have one friend at the moment that we even try to schedule things; and it usually involves her coming out here to get away for a weekend. I'm not enjoying any of my time going "over the mountain" and the city I used to live in, at all. I'm even on "will call" for my hair appt now.
I kinda like the arrangement Hol has with her friends. They pick a standard day, time & place for a group of them to get together over coffee at a cafe. People show up as they can - or don't - as the case may be. Even former house guest is part of that group now. It doesn't replace the one on one interactions, but is just always there, for people looking to connect.
I self-validate in the process that happens when I'm looking at things I want done - go do them - and then enjoy the improvement. There are only a few people that I actively reach out to these days, when I just need someone to lean on and moan to over the normal life-stuff. And I appreciate that everyone I know is mostly really busy with their own family, busy lives, work on themselves or physical training... so I may just "check in" from time to time, as I think about them and that seems to be quite enough "socializing" for me.
With Holly here, and Steve here a lot too... and their busy schedules, I'm always having to coordinate what's going on with dog sitting, holding down the fort here, etc. Sometimes they're not here at all for days... and I have some solitude back. But we just go with the flow and it's all pretty casual and easy.
Meh:
A big part of meeting up is how close or how easy it is to get together. I think this is why people sometimes become friends with neighbors is because they are right there nearby. When people are young and in school together they are there nearby. One of the smaller towns I lived in had such a strong community vibe because it was a college town but also because it's easier to get to know people in certain areas.
I dread getting on the bus and venturing out into the chaos if I don't have to. I mean once I do it I'm glad I got out.
Sometimes staying home is productive!! We just can't do it all the time I guess.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Garbanzo on May 21, 2019, 04:44:08 PM ---A big part of meeting up is how close or how easy it is to get together. I think this is why people sometimes become friends with neighbors is because they are right there nearby. When people are young and in school together they are there nearby. One of the smaller towns I lived in had such a strong community vibe because it was a college town but also because it's easier to get to know people in certain areas.
I dread getting on the bus and venturing out into the chaos if I don't have to. I mean once I do it I'm glad I got out.
Sometimes staying home is productive!! We just can't do it all the time I guess.
--- End quote ---
Yes practicalities of getting together can always make things difficult, although equally keeping in touch can be by phone or email if the physical distance makes things difficult. Neighbours can be great or you might want to hide from them lol. We've had some lovely ones and some awful ones. The current lot are not too bad :)
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on May 21, 2019, 09:01:13 AM ---Having a "social life" requires (sometimes) being a master schedule juggler. At least, if you're participating in the decision-making. Sometimes, I find that to be just "one more thing I have to do"... and working on a future schedule, I'm unsure of committing myself - because something all-consuming for me might come up, I might be super-tired at that time and just need to veg, etc.
I only have one friend at the moment that we even try to schedule things; and it usually involves her coming out here to get away for a weekend. I'm not enjoying any of my time going "over the mountain" and the city I used to live in, at all. I'm even on "will call" for my hair appt now.
I kinda like the arrangement Hol has with her friends. They pick a standard day, time & place for a group of them to get together over coffee at a cafe. People show up as they can - or don't - as the case may be. Even former house guest is part of that group now. It doesn't replace the one on one interactions, but is just always there, for people looking to connect.
I self-validate in the process that happens when I'm looking at things I want done - go do them - and then enjoy the improvement. There are only a few people that I actively reach out to these days, when I just need someone to lean on and moan to over the normal life-stuff. And I appreciate that everyone I know is mostly really busy with their own family, busy lives, work on themselves or physical training... so I may just "check in" from time to time, as I think about them and that seems to be quite enough "socializing" for me.
With Holly here, and Steve here a lot too... and their busy schedules, I'm always having to coordinate what's going on with dog sitting, holding down the fort here, etc. Sometimes they're not here at all for days... and I have some solitude back. But we just go with the flow and it's all pretty casual and easy.
--- End quote ---
Lol, that's almost the complete opposite of what I have to do, Skep! Son's situation means I have to plan a month at a time to find a way of fitting everything in without him becoming too tired or overwhelmed. So I book out college days first, then regular activities, then health care related appointments (which can really tire him out or really pep him up depending on what it is!), then days out or get togethers that he wants to get along to. Then I have to try and organise the day to day stuff around that, like grocery shopping, bank, post office and anything else like that and my health related appointments. Then there's the never ending paperwork; I have to look at when deadlines are and work back from that so I know what I need to get done by which day and I'm still trying to gather information to see if I can prove he suffered a brain injury during the birth and sue (we've tried twice and failed, I'm hoping third time lucky!). We've still got a few years before the deadline for that but soomer rather than later would be good. And then there's the bits like organising birthday cards and presents for people and the odds and ends that come along. Then the daily stuff with him at home, like physio, working on his skills like telling the time and money, working on his speech and getting him doing the household stuff. It's such a colossal amount of work and fitting it all in is like a military operation! Lol
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