Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
lighter:
Hi Tupp:
I think we're better off if we figure out how to stop worrying about what's coming, and deal with what's in front of us. Maybe you're at the point where that's all you need to do.... is all you can do now. I think that might not have been true, for many years, but that it will save your sanity.
About the new friend group.... YES. It's liberating, and validating to be around people who understand your situation. It's demoralizing to speak to people who don't get it, and has always been a waste of time.... regretful, IME if I forget.
People who aren't able to give back..... well..... if they understand you,... maybe they're still around, but not in your front row. Not in your second or third. Maybe your fourth row. We refile people, and that's not a bad thing. It's a necessary thing. You can't be everything to everyone, even though you've tried. Planning to pull back. Save energy for yourself, your care, for you as priority is wise, IMO.
I love that you feel the difference in energy of this new friend group. People showing you how they've walked your path. Sharing resources, working together. Not losing their sense of humor. That's community. That's walking with people who know your path. People who can shine a light up ahead.
About your crush.... just be you. Don't assume. Be curious, and see how the thing goes, as you've planned. You'll get time out of the house with adults, and there may be someone interesting in that group, besides the crush.
You're an amazon, Tupp. Have some fun, breath stretch. It's time.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on June 16, 2019, 09:26:06 AM ---Hi Tupp:
I think we're better off if we figure out how to stop worrying about what's coming, and deal with what's in front of us. Maybe you're at the point where that's all you need to do.... is all you can do now. I think that might not have been true, for many years, but that it will save your sanity.
Lighter, I think that's it, I've been trying to cover all the bases for a long time, it's like constantly running round the house trying to cover every door and window so no-one can get in. I don't need to - I can focus on one particular thing for a day or two and get it out of the way, then move on to the next thing.
About the new friend group.... YES. It's liberating, and validating to be around people who understand your situation. It's demoralizing to speak to people who don't get it, and has always been a waste of time.... regretful, IME if I forget.
People who aren't able to give back..... well..... if they understand you,... maybe they're still around, but not in your front row. Not in your second or third. Maybe your fourth row. We refile people, and that's not a bad thing. It's a necessary thing. You can't be everything to everyone, even though you've tried. Planning to pull back. Save energy for yourself, your care, for you as priority is wise, IMO.
Yes, they are a good group of people and I'm really enjoying seeing them a couple of times a week. I've not fallen out with older friends, I just feel like they're more people I'll have coffee with from time to time. I do need support, and fun! And these parents do both. I was quite struck with one at the weekend - she asked me how my week was, we chatted a bit, I asked her how her week had been and she told me a little bit about something that had happened that was very upsetting for her. I was just struck by how different she is to people I've known in the past - although what had happened had been very difficult for her to deal with, she was still able to enquire about my week and she didn't monopolise the conversation, plus she'd dealt with it and was taking steps to try to prevent it happening again. It's very different to friendships I've had before when someone has talked for an hour without pausing, hasn't shown any interest in what I've been doing and then continues to carry on in the same situation without trying to do anything about it. I really admire her and enjoy her company.
I love that you feel the difference in energy of this new friend group. People showing you how they've walked your path. Sharing resources, working together. Not losing their sense of humor. That's community. That's walking with people who know your path. People who can shine a light up ahead.
About your crush.... just be you. Don't assume. Be curious, and see how the thing goes, as you've planned. You'll get time out of the house with adults, and there may be someone interesting in that group, besides the crush.
Yes, I've reined myself in! I'm getting to know him through the appointments son and I have so we chat during them and he's just a really nice guy. I've had to pull my brain back in because I do read too much into things so yes, chat, focus on sorting son and getting a life again and then see what happens.
You're an amazon, Tupp. Have some fun, breath stretch. It's time.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
How is DD after having her teeth out? xx
Hopalong:
((((((((((Tupp))))))))))) I hear you.
I can imagine how frustrating it is to deal with the system. I need to stuff the extra advice or imaginary "scripts" on that, as you've battled your way through it admirably and, considering the obstacles, hugely successfully.
A small thing -- from working in a whole lot of health promotion and marketing related things and events over the years, my guess would be it's an invite the therapist is issuing to all clients, rather than a date. Hope you enjoy the event!
Sounds nice to be treated nicely and boy do you deserve it!
Big hugs
Hops
lighter:
Hi Tupp:
DD is doing great. SO much better than I did when I had mine out, for sure. She actually went roller skating today, and wants to go work out. There's a tad bit of bruising on the left side, but the swelling is going down.
I had a wonderful session with new T today. I really liked her. I'll share more about that on a new thread.
Glad you had a nice conversation with the other mom. Taking turns, give and take.... that's the way it's supposed to be.
:: nodding::.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on June 16, 2019, 11:11:26 AM ---((((((((((Tupp))))))))))) I hear you.
I can imagine how frustrating it is to deal with the system. I need to stuff the extra advice or imaginary "scripts" on that, as you've battled your way through it admirably and, considering the obstacles, hugely successfully.
A small thing -- from working in a whole lot of health promotion and marketing related things and events over the years, my guess would be it's an invite the therapist is issuing to all clients, rather than a date. Hope you enjoy the event!
Sounds nice to be treated nicely and boy do you deserve it!
Big hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
I am always happy to hear your advice and ideas, Hops, so don't stop it coming - it gives me something else to think about and look at. I do feel fatigued with the whole system thing; it's like a hamster wheel that you just can't get off of. The thing I find bizarre is that the whole reason there's so much state interference with children here is because it's supposed to enhance their outcomes - but it actually makes them worse. I suspect it will actually be easier once he turns 18 because then it's just a question of 'care' and I should be able to get them to pay carers of my choosing for that, so it will probably all be a lot smoother and easier. The constant scrutiny and need to meet outcomes melts away so I can get on with my own sweet thing and just do an online review of the situation each year. Hopefully this time next year things will be a bit easier :)
And yes, I expect you are right about everyone being invited :) I am seeing him tomorrow as son has an appointment so I will gaze from afar :) Lol, can't go to the event as haven't got anyone to have son but it sounds nice so maybe if there's another one I'll be able to get along to that (and probably meet Mr Lovely's wife and kids :) lol) xx
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