Thanks, Tupp. That's a great observation about over-stimulation and it's making a lot of sense to me.
I was in a brief email round with one of the neuros I saw in the ED and he pointed out that there was some concern about TIA (or mini-stroke) although no damage showed up on the MRI. I know my mother's brother had multiple TIAs, and she herself wound up with a big stroke at the end of life (after my brother had dragged her all over town one afternoon which was way too much for her at 97).
So I'm thinking your observation is seriously spot on. It may be (I hope) that if I can concentrate on ways to calm my CNS and sort of build a lifestyle around that, I might reduce my chances of a Big One.
But I'm still feeling pretty unhappy about all this kicking in when I'm barely 70. Seventy just is not old in my book because of my parents and some of their friends, but I'm starting to wonder if the sustained stress I lived under for so long, combined with genetic vulnerability, may mean I don't really have as long an old age ahead as I'd hoped.
That's what is troubling me. I am supposed to make a followup appointment at the Stroke Clinic, and have asked if it's possible to do over Zoom. If not, I can go in.
So maybe life alone in my quiet little house is actually going to be healthier for me than ever trying to adapt to another personality, particularly an intense one like M's.
A girlfriend wants me to get one of these Life Alert pendants. Ugh. I will if I have to but hate the things. A couple of the 90's-ish people I worked for had them prescribed and it was like pulling teeth to get them to wear them. And they were in Assisted Living where somebody popped in a couple times a day anyway.
Uncertainty is part of life and I really need to make my peace in advance with whatever comes. It does make me feel that updating my Power of Atty and Living Will and paperwork and filing and all that is becoming even more important though.
I'd like to feel that I can approach it all in a positive way and inch my way ahead. Even if it's for scary reasons, leaving things in good order would feel like an accomplishment. Considering the struggle of that, I'd feel like I'd climbed Everest.
hugs
Hops
I think sustained stress can cause all sorts of problems, Hopsie, so it may well be that this situation has come upon you sooner than it may have done if you'd had a less stressful life (or fewer long term stressful events, depending on which way you look at it). And I think unhappiness (or anger, resentment, self pity, bitterness etc) are perfectly normal responses to realising that you might not be able to rely on something you had previously thought you could (like health, or an income, partner, family support - there are so many ways we can have the rug pulled out from under us).
But equally I think it is possible to minimise health problems and to readdress stress balances (or imbalances in general) and I do think most of us have things we can try to see if they help a little. One thing I did find helpful early on with my son was to keep a very detailed diary - how much sleep he had, what he ate, drank, where we went, which activity, indoors, outdoors, who was there, noise level, time of day/year, what was the weather like and so on. That may be too much fussing for the ADD to feel comfortable with but I found it very helpful in identifying the various threads that stressed him out, even when they were nice things we were doing. The other thing I found with my son (and this was a pattern that emerged over time) was that he often had delayed responses to things. He'd cope really well with a busy day out at the weekend (friend's wedding springs to mind as one example) and everyone commented on how well he'd coped, behaved, played with the other kids and so on. But two days later he could barely get out of bed, couldn't lift a fork to his mouth, toileting reverted to something similar to a two year old and so on. So you'd likely not need to write everything down as you're observing patterns and changes in yourself but you'll probably notice more now that you've become more aware that it might be relevant.
I do also find hands on complementary therapies so useful for resetting my system (and for son as well). I know some may be too woo woo for you but there is a fair amount of science supporting some of them now as well (osteopathy and acupuncture springing to mind as the two I use the most that are fairly widely regarded here as being of use for a whole range of health problems). It might be worth investigating a bit for a time when hands on contact is okay again - just suggestions as I find them helpful and of course feel free to skip past
I sometimes get more paperwork done when I'm in a furious mood
I sometimes find being angry gives me an energy to wizz through stuff I don't want to deal with, be decisive about it, get things sent off and put away. I once had to spend an entire afternoon renaming files on my computer because I'd saved so many things as the way I felt about that particular person at that particular time: "B**tard w*nk face doctor" and "t*t w*nk scum drops social worker" and things like that
It had been good to vent but wasn't conducive to finding paperwork again when I needed to. I only mention it as you mention approaching the paperwork in a positive frame of mind being helpful - just in case going at it in a pissed off frame of mind gets things moving as well
I hear you on the Life Pendants! It's hard to use those sort of things sometimes, it can feel like you've given in to it all. Maybe daily check ins with a couple of different people so at least if something does happen you won't be there for days before anyone realises (as we know Pooch has proved herself to be less than useful during emergencies!). Or an app? Do you have a smart phone? There is one someone told me about that I keep meaning to find for son; you just press the app and it immediately alerts whoever you've programmed it to contact and gives them your location. Might be a compromise in a rock and a hard place situation. It's not easy, especially when it's an unknown future. Could be nothing else ever happens. But there are a whole load of what ifs around well, what if it does? It's not easy to deal with. I know you're good at researching and checking things out but do shout if there's anything you want me to look into for you - extra pair of hands and all that xx
