Health Updates

[Hopalong]

So, I'm thinking my GP's latest Rx is a good idea. It's isosorbide (related to but not the same as nitroglycerin), which relaxes blood vessels. Took the first one today. I was worried about whether there'd be an issue between cardiologist and GP but GP just looked at me and said, "I'm asking you to take this...." and I said yes. I know him for decades and I know he cares to get it right and knows his stuff. He also asked me to cut the statin dose in half because my liver tests were a bit out of whack. That can be temporary so we'll just test again in 4-6 months.

This article's the best general explanation I've read yet.
https://health.usnews.com/health-care/for-better/articles/2016-12-30/microvascular-angina-a-puzzling-form-of-chest-pain-and-unrecognized-danger

I asked my GP to re-refer me to that indoor cardio program I once tried out, but not for long enough. He did so I should hear from them soon to schedule that. I'll just have to learn to breathe while walking in a mask and stop being so scared of being indoors with others. Ugh. Also have one friend willing to take short-short neighborhood walks now and then, which is actually hugely helpful.

The metropolol hasn't bothered me further; I think my body just needed a week to accept something new in the system. Too soon to tell for sure but I think the isosorbide may help me breathe better.

Overall I'm starting to feel a bit better and am mostly working on the mental adjustment to the diagnosis and situation.

It may seem weird to write out all this medical stuff here but in fact, it's like I would be explaining it to a partner or family member if I had one. Thanks for listening.

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

So, I'm thinking my GP's latest Rx is a good idea. It's isosorbide (related to but not the same as nitroglycerin), which relaxes blood vessels. Took the first one today. I was worried about whether there'd be an issue between cardiologist and GP but GP just looked at me and said, "I'm asking you to take this...." and I said yes. I know him for decades and I know he cares to get it right and knows his stuff. He also asked me to cut the statin dose in half because my liver tests were a bit out of whack. That can be temporary so we'll just test again in 4-6 months.

This article's the best general explanation I've read yet.
https://health.usnews.com/health-care/for-better/articles/2016-12-30/microvascular-angina-a-puzzling-form-of-chest-pain-and-unrecognized-danger

I asked my GP to re-refer me to that indoor cardio program I once tried out, but not for long enough. He did so I should hear from them soon to schedule that. I'll just have to learn to breathe while walking in a mask and stop being so scared of being indoors with others. Ugh. Also have one friend willing to take short-short neighborhood walks now and then, which is actually hugely helpful.

The metropolol hasn't bothered me further; I think my body just needed a week to accept something new in the system. Too soon to tell for sure but I think the isosorbide may help me breathe better.

Overall I'm starting to feel a bit better and am mostly working on the mental adjustment to the diagnosis and situation.

It may seem weird to write out all this medical stuff here but in fact, it's like I would be explaining it to a partner or family member if I had one. Thanks for listening.

hugs
Hops

I'm glad the GP's been able to tweak things a bit and make some suggestions, Hopsie.  I find all that sort of thing stressful to manage but once it's in place and kind of doing what it needs to hopefully it will ease the situation a bit.  The cardio programme sounds like a really good idea.  Mask breathing is difficult, I find I struggle more now with masks as we don't use them often (mostly outdoors so no need to).  People I know who are still wearing one all the time at work don't notice they've even got it on, it just depends how much time you spend in them (and what it is you're doing, I guess).  But hopefully just getting back into that routine will help.  The being scared of being indoors is tricky, it feels at the moment it's a bit like a range of things to be scared of and having to pick which one is the least scary at the time.  It doesn't feel like a range of good options.  The summer months have been really good for us; I don't mind bad weather but son struggles with it so I'm guessing there will be times when our outdoor stuff just won't happen and we'll have to do indoor instead.  They're not easy choices to make.  I'm glad the doc had some useful thoughts, though, and hope the new med will start to help quickly xx

[Hopalong]

I'm doing a bit better. Still have SOB and some pain, but both are lessened. The isosorbide (anti-angina Rx) seems to me to be the one helping most. It's easy to confuse because I have to take it on a different schedule from the others (which basically morning and bedtime -- this one has a weird take one, then another 8 hours later thing). But it's worth the adjustment.

I have alarms on my cell phone to remind me. Not perfect, but helping for sure.

I start the cardio exercise program on Nov. 14th. Gonna hate every minute but gonna do it regardless. Loooooooong way to go to get as close to fit as I'm able, but I'm in.

One step at a time. Mental health's a bit better too, but I'll talk about that over there.

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

I know the idea of the cardio programme isn't filling you with joy, Hopsie, but I think it will do you the power of good over the winter months to have those fixed times and dates to attend to.  I hope you start to feel some positive benefits from it relatively quickly and I'm glad the meds seem to be helping as well (albeit with a need to take things at funny times!).  Lol xx

[Hopalong]

Thanks, ((((Tupp)))).

I actually got the cardio rehab start date wrong...it's on Halloween, a week earlier.

BOO! SHRIEK! SHIVVVVERRRRRR!!!

Hops

[Hopalong]

I am so proud of myself my head is the size of a jack-o-lantern.

I made a MASSIVE kettle of this charming recipe (and very simmmmmple one) and froze about three weeks' worth! I neeeeeeeed these veg-nutrients and this soup is potent. I added some things, including tumeric and green beans though you can throw in practically anything, and left out the hot sauce. It is so yummmmmy. I swear I can feel hair sprouting on my chest after one bowl.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBYWT6O7Wuc

My plan is to have a big bowl of it every day, with add-ins like brown rice if I want it, or tofu or beans, or fish or whatev. I love the idea of one-dish super-healthy meals and this is the closest I've come in a long time.

Now I'm ready to face the 1st rehab run-through tomorrow!

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

Another self-delivered pat on back.

It's embarrassing so I'm happy I have this shame-free space to confess it.

I had a MASSIVE internal battle today because I
did
not
want
to
go
to
cardio

Didn't feel great. Anyway, lay in bed making up excuses, imagining the call to them, reminding myself ... it is serious and it matters ... and at the last minute forced myself to get moving and get there (only a few minutes late). I really didn't feel good (I trend low BP) but pushed through. No pushing the envelope but I accomplished the whole session as my baby-steps card demands.

And now I am so so so so so so glad I did that. Ridiculous to confess such a silly-sounding struggle but on the psychological side, it put a crack in my usual barrier.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Whoo hoo,Hops is getting stronger, faster and more resilient.

That's good cause to celebrate and pat yourself on the back, yup yup yup.

You did good.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Well, had the same interior battle with myself about going to
PT and lost it. Very strange but it's given me something to talk to T
about.

I think there's a weird pattern I'd like to get to the bottom of. If I
could understand it, maybe I could improve it. Here it goes:

I'll have days or episodes when I get myself optimistically re-aligned,
so that I actually DO good things. Exs: making that soup (twice now).
GOING faithfully to cardio. I being to feel hopeful and positive about
maintaining myself with more discipline and know it will change my life.

THEN, I go into a trough of self-sabotage. (It's like finding out happily
that you've lost a few pounds when you need to, and the next day you
eat a pizza. All of it.) Such as this week, when I ate poorly again all of
a sudden and also boycotted cardio.

It is obvious self sabotage I haven't identified by name this clearly before. So
my question to myself (and my T) is: Why? What is the meaning of this behavior?

Anybody here who's wrestled their way to that sort of insight? Any epiphany
about it? If you had one, what sort of moment were you in when the light went
on? Did understanding WHY you're vulnerable to it help you to find strength
NOT to?

I am positive there are good answers and I believe I can do better. I know it's
associated with the idea of tapping into motivation and will. I know the fear of
negative consequences is a big motivator (such as trying to live longer and be
healthier) but I think maaaaybe...part of the trouble is having trouble tapping
into more consistency about anticipating positive consequences.

I think where I fail often is in tapping into strength in the present moment, not
just in planning, no matter how cleverly I can describe/talk about/write about
what the positive could be (in an imaginary sense). I want to make that present
and real.

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

So, one good thing about winter is that the sun streams into my BR window in a particular way. Pooch is back in winter morning position -- foot of the bed in a really strong pool of sunlight. It outlines her in light and she looks golden. My favorite winter morning sight. Looks to be a lovely Sunday.

When I saw the cardiologist he confirmed the diagnosis (seemed to have left some wiggle room on that before). So, shoot. I read a bunch more about it and it left me somewhat depressed, which I'll work my way out of. Basically, the reason for all these drugs is that there really is no cure. It tends to get worse and the medications are just to reduce the pain or other symptoms, and can become ineffective in time.
Unlike coronary artery disease, which can be ameliorated with surgery (my Dad lived many years after a triple bypass), there's nothing they can do for microscopic vessel disease except slight changes through Rx, diet and exercise. I'll stick with the program (after a week where I slipped) but generally have a mental battle that I'm fully in at the moment. My heart is anatomically not okay. And though the pain is less severe with the Rx, it's still there -- pressure and discomfort in my chest -- just reminding me all the time.

Anxiety won't help. Freaking out about being alone won't help. Self-pity won't help. So all I can do is help what I can and release the outcome. Get my house decluttered and my paperwork organized and purged. Update my will, even.

This is asking for spiritual maturity from me that I'm not sure I have. But I will keep on keeping on until I can't. I have to talk positively to myself nonstop and that's not my nature either.

Just need encouragement if there's any floating around.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

 (((Hops))) you're going to adjust and find a new normal.  Hopefully, the fear decreases, strength and physical competence increase then you're in a new routine.

If you can't be super kind to yourself right now.....I'll be that for you.

You're doing your best.  When you're ready, you'll do what needs doing.  You always have. 

It's going to be ok, Dear Hops, so
drop the judgement and turn towards the crows, sunshine and pooch.

If you get to the declutter and paperwork, you get to it. If not, eh....its not time yet.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Thank you, Lighter...from my heart.

I really did get through this moment, and your kindness is part of the reason.

After more self-sabotaging battle, I WON it today.
Dragged myself to rehab, started out very short of breath, thinking really miserable thoughts (iow, when Pooch dies -- she's 12 -- I'm ready to go....etc. etc. and Come ON, Hops!) and by the time I was struggling away gamely on the treadmill, EMILY pops up.

She's one of the staff, hyper and hilarious (also a fellow ADHD-er) and she goes, how are you doing? So I tell her: I'm feeling some shame because I blew it last week and didn't make it here.

Well that young hyper woman rounded on me and said 12 inches from my face: Don't you go there! You meet yourself exactly where you are and you just do what is working and don't shame yourself. For any slip back you're still forward and you're doing great.

Wow. And it worked. I ended my workout with a full and grateful and happy heart and it's lasted all evening.

It's just AMAZING how just a little moment of human-to-human empathy and "seeing" and "being seen" can change literally everything.

You did the same, Lighter. Thank you.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

And keep breathing, ((Hops.)) Nice, deep breaths. Pay attention to your peripheral vision and keep'a go.

I'm so glad you have Emily's wise voice.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

New week, new resolve.
Made it to rehab yesterday (late, though) and pushed on through.

A nurse told me something...the more I exercise, the more tiny new blood vessels will form which take some of the load off the ones that aren't working well. Not a cure but definitely an improvement. That was motivating!

Today I found energy to do a load of laundry and load the rack. That's it for physical activity so far but the day ain't over. Glad I get to talk to T in an hour (on Zoom, which works well for us).

Yesterday got so Worried About the Future I was practically manic. When I made another huge vat of soup this weekend I got angina during the last half-hour of the 2-hour process. Just chopping, stirring and standing...damn. However. That good nurse heard it all, and said, You know if you don't often cook and make a huge thing, that can be actually very stressful. And I realized that my body was very tense the whole time.

Still doesn't mean I'm happy with angina happening, but she was comforting.

Onward and ahead to whatever. Decided not to go to an in-person Covenant Group (my 2nd) today because it's chilly and wet and gray out and my back is still complaining that I overdid it on the NuStep yesterday. I do need to connect but I allowed myself to go for hygge, instead.

Hygge is worth googling, y'all.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

I'd say you did good, Hops.

You went to your appointment AND found out doing is helpful.  That;s a baner day, IMO.

We have windy rain here too.  Branches falling.  Cold and as you say... perfect for Hygge.

Such a great word!