Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
Had a great next day and night of work at lake house after the rough day and night. Contractor gets moody when his wife travels and she travels quite a bit, apparently. I now ignore every mood twinge he has and stop it from spiraling my Nervous System into it's own nightmare of what ifs.
And that was a very good reminder of how familiar waters reminds my little reptilian brain it's in DANGEROUS waters if I don't catch it and kill it.
My brother sent a nearby farmer over to help move tractors out of the way of the kitchen cabinets and trailer I need to move them back to the house. Got about 1/3 moved yesterday. Farmer coming to help move the rest after he cuts down a tree.
Contractor still sitting on his phone whenever I'm not working next to him, which is more puzzling than anything, bc there have been 2 times where he just peeled off and DID big projects while I stayed busy on my own. He can do it. He just doesn't most of the time.
Hops: I have a new firepit on the backporch... one of those smokes less jobbies and it's fantastik..... put a grill over it and cooked out too. Burned charcoal and some non treated wood contractor cut up, along with twigs from the yard. Was a happy thing.
I'll end this post with another happy thing. I found an electric smoker, an old cowboy belt buckle of my grandfather's a light up beer clock with a buffalo on it and assorted familar things like the old orange tape dispenser I remember from my Grandmother's desk on the sleeping porch which says "We grow too soon old und too late shmart" with little German looking blue flowers.
The weather is GLORIOUS so the windows are all open and the sun is holding court in a completely blue sky!
Owls, bats and hawks are abundant around here, btw. And deer.
Lighter
lighter:
I've learned so much from reading board members' posts and experiences.... particularly the ones where we're saying similar or same things in different ways. It gives me helpful perspective and I appreciate it a lot today.
I'm moving through activities while wishing I had solutions for something creating anxiety..... trying to find a way to remember what's important BEFORE there's regret, kwim?
What's really important.... what matters? What will I feel truly matters in 10 years... after all the choices have been made and all is done?
If I make decisions based on what I want to accomplish.....
f I base my decisions on the outcome I desire.....
decisions get easier, sometimes become very obvious.
Today I found clarity and it's never been this easy to find before....
around the thing I'm wrestling with, which is FOO based, of course.
I've tried to sit in gentle awareness..... or get back to it..... while navigating what usually comes back to struggle accepting something I can't change.
It's difficult to drop ego..... I mean.... really really difficult. There's so much dopamine involved, IME. It's a pattern.... an unconsious way of being.... to default to ego, IME.
It's an instant reality check, IME.
And I can't control what others are going to feel, say or do. That should be easy enough to accept, but keeps throwing me into future upset and I'll focus on putting that down and not picking it back up. What will it feel like to just not experience future fear ever again?
Life, clarity and consistently gratifying choices
OR
fearing into the future and regret.
Yup.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Nice thinking going on there, Ms. L!
--- Quote ---What's really important.... what matters? What will I feel truly matters in 10 years... after all the choices have been made and all is done?
--- End quote ---
This reminded me of the saw: On their deathbed, nobody ever, ever says, "I wish I'd spent more time at the office." (In your case...what would the "office" be?)
I can't control what others are going to feel, say or do. That should be easy enough to accept, but keeps throwing me into future upset
Never mind the "should" -- lots of people have control issues and it's wonderful that you know this about yourself. You may work on it for a long time, but it'll bear fruit.
hugs and kudos,
Hops
lighter:
It's weird.... I don't know what my office is, Hops.
Maybe I have an idea, but will have to give it some thought.
It's really lovely here today. Cool and breezy for the start of Halloween decorating! And it's clowns and dolls again this year.
My Cousin's coming with her dh from out of State.... mainly to visit one of the biggest tourist attractions around here.... 10 minutes from the house.
They're getting a two'fer with it being Halloween. Cousin is terrified of Clowns, btw.
Lighter
lighter:
Last night youngest DD attended a masquerade ball and wore a dress I purchased when she was maybe a year old. It still had the tags on it..... picture a gold silk slinky gown with 4 feet of silk dragging the ground. Very 1940's..... German night club. It draped so beautifully..... was cut for a woman's body by someone who knew what they were doing.
She had over the elbow white gloves, Grandma J's rhinestones everywhere and a cool updo. The event was packed and the ticket was a little bag of bobbles, beads and gems for votes, drinks and assorted other things she hasn't told me about yet..... red contact lenses..... good fangs. She made her mask, formed to her face and tied with gold ribbon. Youth and oppulence walking. It felt very strange to see her in that dress.
The Covid drought is officially over in this house, not gonna lie.
Lighter
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