Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
Hopalong:
I hear you, Lighter.
For me the issues (getting surprisingly easier) are more about my privileged choices than supply. But I entirely agree with you that quality is VERY problematic in America and I grieve most for folks in food deserts.
I searched for AGES for the purest food I can find, and even pay (on SS) Whole Foods prices for better-quality stuff. I remember my hunt for jam w/o sugar (Bionaturale is a good compromise) and PB the same. Finally found those. Once I actually GO to our busy farmers' market, my choices will expand.
My neighbor three doors up is selling backyard eggs now. "Out of Stock" sign on her little front-yeard kiosk goes up often -- her little flock is young and not very busy yet. But I also love hearing her goofy rooster at 3pm.
The smoothies when I remember (make 5 at a time and freeze 4) are powerful. Protein is a challenge but since I still eat fish, I get by. Pea protein is better than whey. What amazes me about what one eats is how instantly one feels it. Powerful.
hugs
Hops
Here's the "anxiety interview" with Adam Lambert I mentioned. He surprised me!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npA94B71jAE
Twoapenny:
I'm glad you've got over the Covid again, Lighter, it seems to be very widespread here again. It's very difficult when you can still pick it up so easily, not least because the symptoms (initially at least) are so similar to so many other bugs and viruses. I'm glad it didn't wipe you out.
I echo what Hops says about food; it's hard to find stuff that hasn't been messed about with too much and hard (in my opinion) to have enough time and/or storage space to buy, prep, keep in the freezer and so on. I guess we all muddle through as best we can. I don't know specifics about additives or preservatives but I do have a couple of friends whose bloating and irritable tummy stuff after eating bread stopped when they started making their own. Presumably there's something in shop bought bread that didn't agree with them. It's having the time to do it that becomes problematic, in my experience.
You are so busy with all your different projects, adding food sourcing and prep into that must be very hard. And sometimes you do just want a pile of something you know isn't good for you. It's a funny relationship we have with food, for sure. I'm glad everything is swimming along with all the different refurb/managing projects (and the Halloween prep! I'm not sure if they're big on Halloween here, am going to have to ask about a bit).
lighter:
The Covid wasn't too bad..... got a cough aftewards and it's just now releasing it's grip. I think my sister got it at the wedding, bc I seem to be a few days behind her in symptoms. I think today might be the first day with under 10 coughing fits. Exhausting and the Covid left me a bit.....fatigued, if I'm being honest.
The food..... the food. I've been too busy to worry about it. Not eating that well, but doing what I can. Chic-Fil-A salads on the road with roasted chicken.... lots of beautiful food when wer'e cooking. Just made white bean chicken chili this eveing and big beautiful salads with pear. My feet hurt a bit from all the stairs and imprefect food choices, but those are choices I make.
When the pain increases, I focus on eating cleaner, for sure. It's the same with the 49yo journeyman, his wife, my sister and his MIL. We feel the weight of our food choices physically, so we try harder to make good choices... not just for ourselves,but each other too.
Journeyman has had both hips replaced, a stroke, struggles with contraction in his fingers and an autoimmune disorder...... the only reason he's alive is bc he figured out food and committed to healing himself when docs failed.
I know better. I wish it was easier to eat better all the time.... but it's not. I 'm not sure how much whole/clean food is available, frankly.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
COWS, Lighter, Crisis of The Week. Yes, I don't know if I missed that earlier post you made or read it without taking it in but yes, the big change for us since moving here is the lack of crisis around us. I haven't had to deal with drama after drama after drama. And having that pause and that space - makes it easier to decide whether a crisis is a crisis, if it's our crisis, if it's a crisis we need to deal with or if it's one we can let uncrisis itself without needing to do anything. That's an interesting change for me. I know you've talked for a long time about that difference between reacting and responding and I understood it in my head, but it still wasn't happening for me. My nervous system was still doing its own thing, regardless of anything I did.
Journeyman sounds like bionic man :) I think my concern with food and clean/prescriptive eating is that it can teeter into disordered eating without really noticing. I'm trying my best with it at the moment but I don't want it to become another thing I stress over. Throughout my life food has been a source of comfort to me, and also a way I demonstrated being a good mum? I've cooked this from scratch, you can't criticise me now. Difficult, isn't it, to get the balance right. I hope the pain and Covid related stuff clears up a bit. Touch wood we've avoided it again at the moment, I've had my jabs again and son's are due end of the month. I'm stocking up on tins next week in case we get a 'can't leave the house' situation. But trying mostly to avoid it, I don't want it again, mildly or otherwise. I hope you can avoid it, it must be harder for you because of all the different projects and people around you, multiplied for each lovely D as well :) xx
lighter:
Reovery from Covid, this time, was a bit slow. I could feel the fatigue.... deep and sometimes painful in my right thigh, just hanging on and on. I still feel like a tiny mule kicked me in the leg..... just very odd and makes me want to get my stamina back up.
I wish you and DS the luck of avoidance... for sure. It seems my cousins and brother and sister are all getting it lately. My brother got it while traveling in Alaska and the hospital charged him over 4,000,00 for a half hour visit... crazy!
As for my respond vs react abilities.... today was a tough one. Partially bc the journeyman;s wife left yesterday and partically bc I have to DO MATH figuring out the basement kitchen cabinet arrangement with repurposed cabinets.... it makes me want to weep just thinking about it now and I went out to buy trim and outlets, a tile cutter and light fixtures for 6 hours, so I had a good sized break.
Math. Grrrr.
OK, so the wife is gone and that set my teeth on edge to be alone with the journeyman...... truthfully he resembles the crazy contractor a bit AND tends to sit down if I'm not working alongside him, so.... it's a LOT of together time for this introvert.
The math blew a fuse in my ability to be responsive and all morning I was reactive..... if j went into the bathroom I'd just used..... it BUGGED ME. If he sat down and looked at his phone.... it BUGGED ME. Even if I knew he was looking up directions for laying a herringbone pattern LVP floor.... I was bugged bc it's taking him forever and he's pulling it back apart then putting it back together and I guess I'll just pull him off it tomorrow and focus myself and HIM on things we move through quickly and with purpose.
No more spinning and falling, nose on the pebble, like today. It was a huge lesson for me....... self care..... notice when I'm not feeling centered..... take a break and get centered....... redirect him/j to things he's familiar with.
And even if he/j dioes get too familiar.... I'd handle it, likely with scathing humor, but I'd handle it. If he walks away, which he'd have to do sicne he has no vehicle..... I;d figure this thing out with the new journeyman. J hans't been too familiar,btw..... but I can feel he likes me a lot and I'm not going to live in fear he'll do somethng stupid. He might, but hasn't yet. There it is. I'm 20 years older than him this is going tobefineI tellya but he said I was "very datable" and I think that kicked this off bc he didn't say it till his wife was gone, darnit.
::smoothing pajamas::..
Removing the fear...... trusting I'll keep myself safe.......doing what I can...... taking tme for self care, despite the little losses in J's productivity.... all very necessary.
I miss my girls..... want to be with them..... feel guilty being gone so long. It's a weighty thing to balance getting these projects done and being there for them, in person, during these years before they have lives of their own elsewhere.
The weather is Halloween perfect..... just cool and breezy and sunny at the same time. No bugs. I made sure to line up several outdoor projects over the next few days. I can feel myself slipping back into creative flow again.
The Nervous System has it's own time table, IME. Two steps forward, one step back, IME.
I hope you're enjoying lovely fall weather too, Tupp.
Lighter
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