Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
Twoapenny:
That's amazing, Lighter :) Aw it's so nice to just do normal - yes stuff gets stressful and messy, I don't think anyone can avoid that, but having responses to it that are responses to that one situation and not dozens of things from the past - you really are getting Lighter all the time! Lol xx
lighter:
There will always be COWs....
Crisis Of The Week..... but you're right.
Responsiveness vs Reactivity to things no longer happening to us....
is everything, IME.
It's a sort of escape, really. Escaping the traumas of the past.... my martial arts instructor used to say....
"Suffer once." THIS is what he was talking about. Just this very thing.
Escape fearing into the future because there's zero payoff, it doesn't change the outcome and takes up space where other things, like joy, could live, IME.
I look back and I think.....
how dare you?! but it's not the bad actors or the systems or the luck I'm talking to.
I'm talking tio the familiar trance of reactivity and it's lazy existence in my life.... wihtout question. Without a fight, it lived with me, directed and decided how little joy and rest I could have.
And when I think of it now....
it's over there.
Lighter
lighter:
September update:
Youngest DD21 and I traveled to Canada for a wedding.
We didn't realize we were Covid Positive.... at least we traveled with masks on. The morning after we arrived, DD tested positive and I tested positive 2 days later.... DD did not. We're not suffering. The symptoms weren't anything more than a cough for me and general lethargy for DD with swollen glands. Thought she was still getting over a non Covid illness, frankly.
Today I have some aches in places I remember banging hard on trailer hitches and feet, hips, but cough is getting better.
We didn't attend the wedding bc DD woke up sans taste and smell the morning of. We're in quarantine for the duration of our Canadian visit, which happens to be enjoying fall weather with a fire pit on a beautiful park... backyard has fancy pavers and a little she shed with wifi..... it's the best case scenario in an unfortunate situation.
Here's the thing..... and I only suspect this to be true.....
once we arrived and ate a few VERY LARGE MEALS of sweets, pastas and breads....much meat and cheese...... our stomachs went down to almost flat.
This leads me to believe the "healthy" foods we're eating in the States are more poison than food. I mean.... it happened for my sister, DD and self..... like fricking magic.
I think part of it's the water. Part the quality of food and what they won't allow INTO it. Any thoughts?
I'm working on several projects with Escape To The Chateau in the background,which is SO enjoyable while planning for the Lake Lodge. So many ideas. Can't wait to decorate and photograph for Christmas with fireplaces lit and many little pine trees scattered about..... lots of fresh pine smells.
I'll post more about that on the lake thread.
The boy staying with us right now is caring for the Pug, even though his apartment came available on the 6th, he's still at the house as a favor. It's sad to watch him shrink away from kindness and any attention at all.... so sure is he of his unlovable status and unworthiness, generally, on the planet. That kind of programming runs EVERYTHING in a Nervous System.... and it's not controllable, IME. It has to be crept up on, snuck up on, worked around and unhooked. He's better when he's not directly in our view or line of attention. Evreyone validating him in their own way. Sometimes he joins us when we're laughing and hanging out.... and he IS FUNNY and nornal and completely appropriate if left to himself and join in his own time.
Honestly..... up to that point, I'd experienced him as a 7yo child........ which is the age his abusive SF came into his life.
I'm feeling level and present...... a little guilty about the Covid, but my intentions were good and I forgive myself.
I hang out with my BIL, as usual, his sidekick cleaning out their garage, gathering kindling in the part, and finishing small projects around the yard. We get along so well..... this is the first time I seriously consider moving to Canada.... my God..... we pay so much more for food in the States and it's insult to injury...... something in my stomach is clicking...... I don';t know how I can stand it when I go back home.
DD21 wants to raise chickens with me. We've scouted out the area under the porch for their house, but that's not for certain going to happen, though we could control the quality.
Will update other threads now: )
Lighter
Hopalong:
Lighter,
So admire your phrase "the trance of reactivity" and insights about how it once dominated your life. That's hugely reflective and mature, imo. And how many leagues you have grown since! Mega kudos.
I'm very sorry you and DD got bitten by the virus. It's hard to face that it's still here and a new contragious variant is rising, hence the whole suite of precautions decisions demanding awareness after a time when people got to savor a break. But it is NO reason for guilt, only learning -- both the lax and the compulsively prepared can get it, and the good news is that you're both doing okay. It's asking a lot for everyone to be perfectly vigilant at all times -- hello, imperfection. (We all live there.)
Your quarantine locale sounds pretty heavenly, glad you wound up installed there!
I have no thoughts about interesting flat stomachs after unhealthy fare, but maybe think changing countries because one anecdote triggers, errrr, reactivity...is worth a ponder? Or a self-affectionate chuckle?
As non-scientific evidence based on one anecdote from a one-person population with no control group or peer review, I indulged in some sorta healthy but still carb-laden food in quantity (can I say binge?) a couple weeks ago for two days and my stomach did not flatten. Quite the contrary. Oof. Since then I've eaten less, lost a few pounds, got back on the kefir, greens and berries smoothies and felt the positive impact immediately.
Enjoy and nourish, with a relaxed mind...I'm noticing how much better it feels when I let go of anxiety around food. BTW, strangely, I blundered into an interview on a podcast called The Happy Place that was SO insightful about anxiety. I felt like he was talking about my experience in many ways, and it was so illuminating and helpful I was blown away. The guest was, believe it or not, Adam Lambert.
Do you be----leeeve in life after love? (Check out the Kennedy Center video of his performance...brought that whole DC-stuffed-shirt audience to their feet.)
Hugs and hopes for fast and full recovery,
Hops
lighter:
DD and I feel better... she's back home and testing N for many days. I tested N 2 days ago. Thanks for the hugs.
Yesterday, we yanked out the non functioning stove vent and replaced it.... BIL was lucky to find an exact model at the same Asian store where he bought the last one 10 years ago. No name brand. We were roasting brussel sprouts, onions and potatoes by 6:30 pm...... grilling 3 different proteins by 7. Lots of degreasing and looking for the right screws and washers..... between the 3 of us, we got it done, but it was a challenge.
About the food...... there's a difference... has to be. I wouldn't be in these jeans at home if eating the same things. No way. I don't know what I'm going to do about that. Buckle down and source local farmers.... I have a file on that. We have lots of farmer's markets too.
Grocery stores back home stock food-like items.... but not actual food, as far as I'm concerned. That makes food problematic. Again. I've been very relaxed around food and what I eat over the last week and I'm going to really miss that. Just saying.... I am.
I'm all for finding our Happy Places, Hops. Will look up the Podcast: )
Lighter
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