Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
Cervical vertigo. The stretching....what a very odd thing....it might be my neck. Yawning and tensing made things spinny this morning. Have to track down my retired chiro buddy. I think he's still at the lake.
Lighter
lighter:
I fell the week of the storm. Hard. Didn't hit my head, but it was a jarring impact under quite a bit of weight. My bones are strong, but it might have jammed up something in my spine.....I guess?
I was more worried about my hip, at the time....in the dark....trees down all around us, going nowhere.
This dx is typically difficult to make....ruling everything else out, basically.
Mother of pearl.
lighter:
This month marks 5 years since engaging my beautiful, fearless, clear eyed T. We briefly touched base after the hurricane and her kind words brought tears to my eyes.
On reflection....she put a banquet of skills and strategies before me....I picked and chose morsels and bits I could make sense of. Bits, but I sometimes had to manually (fig.) put aside unconscious beliefs to force space enough to pick up, carry and apply.... sometimes only for a short while.
I'm doing some review on this thread. So many personal pearls I want to revisit and handle again. Choose again, practice in a more peaceful headspace, bc I choose them...have success and knowledge how to weld them. Not choose bc I feel chased or pinned.
The night before the vertigo, one DD was in a bad headspace. I know my BP has to be up.....I likely wasn't drinking enough water....
there were people in my space creating tension and very little serenity....not knowing how bad things were at home ....discovering the destruction , loss of life and horror some people were dealing with.
The vertigo may be a confluence of the fall, tension, BP, dehydration, vitamin deficiencies and general ongoing stress.
And my lack of attention to my internal world.....inability to select and use tools from that beautiful banquet T set....is something I'd like to tend mindfully for a while.
I already texted Chiro friend. Will set up schedule.....try to figure out what's out of whack and remedy. Lengthening and shortening whatever's pulling things out of balance, yup yup yup.
ENT tomorrow. I hope he can provide helpful info.....along with clean ears.
Lighter
Hopalong:
SO strong, for SO long, with SO many tasks and responsibilities, at SO much speed.
Your inner self is trying to keep up with the outer whirlwind. Your psyche has received a massive shock, along with everyone around you.
You are a take-charge, caregiving human. But inside is a bone-bruised vulnerable child psyche too. It's shuddering at the massive aftermath of the storm.
I think she deserves to cry, to sit and grieve, to listen to soft classical, to let her heart break.
From that comes peace, I believe. It's so painful to let it come through.
Let tomorrow's decisions be what they are. But let her be with you in parallel, and let yourself be vulnerable.
SO strong for SO long. It is human and natural to be weak when you need to. Then healing can begin.
hugs,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Lighter, from what I'm reading at my "home spaces" on the 'net a lot of us are feeling like life is piling crap up - needlessly - and not only is it overwhelming, it's carrying with it a huge uncertainty about the near future. This is what people are expressing.
And that sense of things whirling apart is very prevalent. Some people are masking it, but still will admit they have moments when it forces thru. Hol's been called out to "first respond" to friends of her generation having meltdowns lately, so it's not age specific.
I think you're making a good choice about going back through the list of things in your "toolbox" and intuiting which ones will help now, while you find out if there are any physical causes of the dizziness. That could take awhile given the entropy happening in corporate medicine/health insurance.
B's docs LOST the approval paperwork for his stimulator lead change test. He only found out when he tried to ask about an appointment. And when he called the Federal Worker's Comp insurance, his case manager has changed again and she has no idea whatsoever about paperwork sent in the past 3 weeks.
We are trying to simply put one foot in front of the other, sometimes having to hold the "caregivers" hands and TEACH them their jobs. The only other option is to walk away; and we know the outcome of that choice.
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