Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
Oh, just when I was thinking about worrying about appliances..... something popped up and gave me true perspective.
So, I'm not worrying about the appliances.
Instead I've arranged for the boy's mother to pick him up in the morning so as to NOT have him on my plate any longer. I kept him much longer than was supposed. I feel obligated to get my household and life back to where I'm comfortable again.
I've done that, without discussing it with the young people, and now dd is making her adjustments around the boy's whining/manipulative anger/silences/questioning her feeling for him... and she's really uncomfortable with it.
I wish I'd had the benefit of SEEING healthy boundaries put in place when I was a teenager.... sans highly charged emotions.
As I move through this process I recognize my father's voice.... and all the emotions he brought to every table.
I recognize my teen self..... and I listen to HER voice... and shut down my father's voice.
I will be calm.
I will give my child agency over her body, choices and consequences, which isn't what my father did, btw.
I have my own business to attend to, and that's all I have to figure out....\
HUGE relief.
Lighter
lighter:
I am SO comfortable with my choices today.
I am SO happy to take charge and DO what I need to do without navel-gazing up dell and downhill everyone else's reactions and desires... whew.
Not.
My.
Circus.
Not my clowns.
Huge relief.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
Well done, Lighter :) It's an unprecedented time and we all need to make adjustments as we go along. I hope things settle for you. And that the dryer and stove get fixed even though you're not worrying about them anymore :) Lol xx
lighter:
The boy left yesterday. His mom came, we exchanged seeds, had a lovely chat and they went on their way.
I shopped... oldest dd went with, but stayed in the car... keeping me on track with lists and being safe. It was a nice day and was good to be out and about with her, but I wasn't feeling very good about being in public, wearing the gear or keeping up with wiping things down.
Afterwards I spent 3 hours harvesting moss from a yard about to be covered with mulch. SO MUCH AMAZING moss mixed together. Perfect for new friend's yard. We filled 8 large containers and could have filled that many more. Much of the time was spent pulling weeds from what we harvested, honestly. I might help her pull more weeds and plant today. It's beautiful weather for that.
The lady getting the mulch has lovely moss features in her yard. She's planted moss under a tree.... in between the roots... just lovely with little stones for borders. It was a treat. She put a moss spiral in her front yard, but one moss ate the other and ruined it pretty quickly. She also went to see the Moss lady in our area and bought her book, as did I when I started mossing. She showed me how she uses a little flat shovel, which was new to me... usually I use smaller tools and my hands for everything. The upshot is.... the gal new to mossing learned a lot about harvesting moss, stacking it, weeding it before planting and keeping it alive till you get to it.
It was interesting to have conversations that flowed SO easily. We had so much in common. The artist insists I select one of her paintings to thank me, and wants to have little gatherings at each of our houses to share what we're creating/have created with the moss... outdoor showers..... the perennials, etc. I wouldn't mind sharing and trading Hosta with them. Getting advice and giving advice. The new mosser has big projects to plan and I've made about every mistake there is to make with a moss yard. It's exciting, bc her husband is a hard worker and I don't have to do the work... mostly speaking about moving stones and leveling a large area.... scraping it.... creating a clean slate.
The husband completely bought into mossing, and they enjoy it together. It's nice, bc we all have such different yards. I gave the new mosser 2 substantial flowering pear trees I don't have enough sun for. The husband is addicted to planting trees, and lighting them. It's fun.. he sounds like he walked out of the movie FARGO.... such a heavy accent. I'm pretty sure I can get some help on some of my projects and exchange work I do well at their place.
Last night the girls and I spent time together.... they were super helpful with groceries, planning meals.... we laughed a lot and had fun. I watched COCO with oldest dd... youngest got bored with it, but oldest dd loves that movie with all the wonder of a young child... very sweet. It felt nice to have the house boy free. The loft was restored to sacred space yesterday and I'm enjoying it now. I have energy to work on the upstairs bathroom, maybe paint the trim around my window, and finish up some trim in the dining room that needs more caulk and a coat of paint.
I talked about my stored wooden Japanese soaking tub with the mossing gals too. It would fit in the outdoor shower or in either bathroom. Lots to think about.
Lighter
lighter:
It;s become necessary to delve into the concept of karma. I was thinking about it quite a lot.
T said there's no such things as evil or sin.... as she's come to terms with karma.....just light and the absence of light.
Those harming others are in very deep pain themselves. For all practical purposes, they're already in hell, if there is a hell. It's very dark inside them. Very little light.
The more luminous beings are more evolved souls. Souls return to the earth to complete lessons, as necessary, until they've learned enough.... gathered enough light.... they don't have to return when they've reached a certain point. I guess they're free and living fully in the moment. Even if we understand that for a second, before we die, if we understand it at the right time.... we don't have to come back. Whew, again.
That was comforting to me. Not having to return.
She went on to talk about lack of self-care really being about destroying oneself... eating the wrong foods... not exercising.... not caring for our inner world, etc. Self-destruction.
Karma isn't about punishment, or being punished.
Lighter
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