Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
I'm hungrier in the evenings, Tupp.
Since we aren't cooking rice and lentils and beans all the time I feel better, but I sometimes hurt myself with food...meaning I eat too much.... too much dairy and sugar.
The neighbor is pushing me to teach him to punch properly.... he's come so far, but..... watching him stretch a bit was a wake-up call.... he's still so compromised. Some ligaments and muscles were destroyed... larger ones I didn't know about. I can build him up, and make his stronger. That appeals ot me. I wonder if that's a healthy thing or a codependent thing.
It feels like a healthy thing for both of us, but it informs me...... sometimes good feelings set off alarm bells for me.
Maybe part of it was how hard he was pushing me. How little he understands about nutrition, but believes he knows a lot..... his idea of good nutrition is not drinking cokes all day if he's going to drink beer in the afternoon, so....... it's a bit frustrating and I'm really not in a mood to explain or discuss it. I was impatient with him today when he kept on and on. He's one of those type A driven men who acts, and doesn't listen. I don't mind having the discussions if it goes both ways. I don't think think he can hear me. That dampens my mood to train him. I won't be lectured. I will bounce ideas and experiences back and forth.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on April 27, 2020, 04:43:23 AM ---I'm hungrier in the evenings, Tupp.
Since we aren't cooking rice and lentils and beans all the time I feel better, but I sometimes hurt myself with food...meaning I eat too much.... too much dairy and sugar.
The neighbor is pushing me to teach him to punch properly.... he's come so far, but..... watching him stretch a bit was a wake-up call.... he's still so compromised. Some ligaments and muscles were destroyed... larger ones I didn't know about. I can build him up, and make his stronger. That appeals ot me. I wonder if that's a healthy thing or a codependent thing.
It feels like a healthy thing for both of us, but it informs me...... sometimes good feelings set off alarm bells for me.
Maybe part of it was how hard he was pushing me. How little he understands about nutrition, but believes he knows a lot..... his idea of good nutrition is not drinking cokes all day if he's going to drink beer in the afternoon, so....... it's a bit frustrating and I'm really not in a mood to explain or discuss it. I was impatient with him today when he kept on and on. He's one of those type A driven men who acts, and doesn't listen. I don't mind having the discussions if it goes both ways. I don't think think he can hear me. That dampens my mood to train him. I won't be lectured. I will bounce ideas and experiences back and forth.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
(((((((((Lighter))))))))))))))))))) I don't think you need another demanding man in your life. You just got rid of loft boy. You have your girls, your moss, cute pug girl (although noisy sometimes, it seems). The beach house will, no doubt, continue to cause problems and need work doing. Point him in the direction of some good videos or a professional instructor (people here are carrying on with all sorts of one to one sessions via Zoom or something similar - I'd guess there will be people there who are doing the same thing). Maybe tell him he can call you if he has specific question. He's not yours to fix, particularly if he's refusing to engage with the basics like nutrition. And space? Can you do all this whilst keeping 2 metres between you at all times? If he does injure himself you'd need to help him up, presumably? It's not a risk worth taking, in my opinion. Concentrate on having a nice time for yourself, and your girls. You don't need to fix anybody else xx xx xx
Hopalong:
Everything Tupp said rings wise to me too, Lighter.
I don't know if these things are codependent or not, but I notice you often express things as you being in charge of fixing something/someone, and in that teacher/guide/mentor/therapist role.
What that says to me is that you have a lot to share and to offer, whether it's about moss or food or EMDR or alternative cures or decor or or or or....
And sharing knowledge is wonderful, and working intensely and physically side by side (well, six feet by six feet) is also wonderful. BUT FOR YOU, FOR NOW, NOT WITH MALES. At least, I'd recommend, not with males who have access to your homes or property (insane contractor) or who might not respect boundaries (Frenchman) or who live so close that misunderstandings could cause long-term friction or stress (neighbor).
I think you are safest approaching entanglements with males only after deep work on how tangled you can get, with a therapist. And then, only safely well away from your home and your personal life.
Like, meeting for tea in a public place once the pandemic's over. (I know, sounds simpery. But we want you to stay safe and not have a resurgence of agony over male aggression.)
You might be horny! Understandable! But please don't take risks with men who know too much about where you live and how you are and such, imo. Or who might be tuning into YOUR energies that you may not realize you're expressing with them. Especially such physical stuff...you've observed before how men react to a sweaty physical woman who's NOT focused on them.
This doesn't seem like a good season for those flirtations (not intentional flirtations, just hanging your male-attractant energies out there).
Cluck cluck mother henning....
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Richters (out of Canada) has Thai Basil seeds Lighter. It's simply
richters.com
lighter:
Thanks for the Thai basil info, Amber.
Hops, the guy I'm posting about lives 2 doors away and is the one-eyed married neighbor convalescing himself back to health.
The other neighbor I've been posting about... the one helping me with the washing machine install who lives a few streets away, is married as well. Our dogs have regular playdates so we see each other several times a week if not more often. I just put up a hummingbird feeder for the guy 2 houses away. We planted seeds together. He loaned me his tiller. I helped empty 2 truckloads of mulch onto his property... I can have all the free mulch I want IF I wanted it.
No emotional or romantic entanglements to worry about.
About the boxing lessons. That won't work, bc of the 6 foot distancing thing. I wish I could hold pads for him.... bc it's walking medication for me. I'm good at it. I'm a good teacher. I get a good work out holding the pads BUT the 6 foot distancing thing.... thanks for reminding me Tupp. It's a problem AND I don't have to worry about any other problems that might pop up with that much face to face time.
I'm glad he's feeling strong enough to want to HELP me into a good physical routine. The thing is, I don't need his help and I didn't ask for it. I can certainly handle that, not that I SEE what was bugging me about it. He stepped on a boundary I didn't realize I needed to put in place. He's been so lovely. I look forward to enjoying time with him.
Lighter
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