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Mindfulness and codependence thread
Twoapenny:
I pressed the wrong button! Lol. I find I function better if I problem solve first and then can focus on how nice it feels to be in the bath or how my body feels when I'm doing yoga. But when I'm stressed, anxious, upset or anything like that the last place in the world it feels good to be in is inside my body and I find trying to focus on that just makes me feel worse, plus I get stressed because I'm not dealing with the thing that stresses me :) Lol.
I have had interesting chats with the acupuncturist guy about all these sorts of things and I do think some people's brains are just wired differently and function better in different ways. We were talking about that thing about acceptance - just accepting the situation you're in and not fighting against it. But I immediately think of all the injustice and inequality that I think we should fight hard not to accept and to just go with. So for me I kind of take what I want from these things now and leave the bits that don't work for me. At the minute I'm finding it easier to cope with stress because I can channel my anger or frustration or whatever into moving and/or setting up some work from home. I have another goal to work towards, which helps me cope. Before I felt like whatever I did drilled me deeper into the pit and if I focused on that I just fell in a bit more. So I have no idea why it helps some people and not others :) But just wanted you to know you're not the only one it doesn't work miracles for :) Lol xx
sKePTiKal:
Aye-yie-yie... I know what you two are talking about. Where if ya don't start deconstructing the problem right away and looking for points where you can change it... you feel even worse. IMO, that's because of past roles parenting the parents; we put that pressure on ourselves to try to hold things (and people) together. And then that whole thing can spiral out of control. Emotionally; bio-neurologically and then physically.
What mindfulness is suggesting one do, isn't 1/2 hr of meditation so much as... giving yourself permission to "take care of yourself first". To take a time out; breathe yourself present in your body FIRST... allow yourself to remember "I'm safe in the here and now"... and really feel solid in that space before turning to look at the "problem" again. Some people can do that during activity, as well. Washing dishes works for me - especially putting dishes away in my small kitchen. I turn that into moving meditation, tai chi, dancing... whatever. Just to get "present" in my body. It kinda sets the tone for the day, for me.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on October 31, 2019, 08:32:08 AM ---Aye-yie-yie... I know what you two are talking about. Where if ya don't start deconstructing the problem right away and looking for points where you can change it... you feel even worse. IMO, that's because of past roles parenting the parents; we put that pressure on ourselves to try to hold things (and people) together. And then that whole thing can spiral out of control. Emotionally; bio-neurologically and then physically.
What mindfulness is suggesting one do, isn't 1/2 hr of meditation so much as... giving yourself permission to "take care of yourself first". To take a time out; breathe yourself present in your body FIRST... allow yourself to remember "I'm safe in the here and now"... and really feel solid in that space before turning to look at the "problem" again. Some people can do that during activity, as well. Washing dishes works for me - especially putting dishes away in my small kitchen. I turn that into moving meditation, tai chi, dancing... whatever. Just to get "present" in my body. It kinda sets the tone for the day, for me.
--- End quote ---
That makes sense to me, Skep. I know I've talked to several people about what happens when I start to 'spiral'. If I don't catch it before it happens then it takes forever to get back down out of it again and I find it so exhausting. It is like an instinctive response - almost like an out of body experience in some ways. Like an autobot takes control and you're kind of banging on the door trying to get back in so you can put yourself back in charge. It's catching it before it takes off that I find really difficult to do. We must all keep practising! Lol. I think Lighter is star pupil on this one :) lol xx
Hopalong:
Amen, Lighter, to what Tupp said...you're the consistent and devoted one, and you really know from that kind of discipline. It's like martial arts but inside you. Awes me.
Tupp, yupp. I can relate a lot to what you describe except that you work a hell of a lot harder at solving your problems than I do. I tend to loll around defining and redefining and re-redefining them, none of which actually moves the needle.
Amber, thank you for this: "I am safe in the here and now." That's something I can say to myself when anxieties contribute to too much stasis. Another, I think, for me might be: "I am happy doing this." It could be the simplest thing, like completing my unpacking I left undone when I came home sick. Even cleaning up the kitchen.
When domestic mess piles up I give up and run away from it too easily.
Hops
Hopalong:
Tupp, an afterthought:
I wonder what it would be like if you continued all your hard work toward a better life, but instead of being motivated by ANGER, you tried on experimenting with a motivation of PEACEFUL PROGRESS.
You might accomplish just as much, but with less cost to your well being?
I don't know, it just popped into my head.
Hugs
Hops
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