Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
LOL, Hops. You're funny and putting difficult concepts into concise sentences. Again.
Thanks.
Lighter
lighter:
New moss friend L texted for a visit today. She returned several containers and brought me a sturdy new one as well, explaining how they drilled holes into theirs for a rope to be pulled like a big pan with a lip. I think it's a good size for lots of things. I'm very pleased as it also has a measure strip on it's side. Not sure what it's for. It looks industrial.
::swooning::
I love very useful things.
L is lovely and her husband is one of those BIG PICTURE guys. I hope I can have them both over for a brainstorming session on final stone and planter layout in my yard. All 3 of our backs are in some kind of trouble right now. We all like rocks, and moss and planting things... too heavy of things. We reminded ourselves we aren't 30 anymore.
I really like her and again we marveled at all we have in common. I've never had this experience before. I'm not quite sure what to do with it, frankly.
It's certainly giving me insight into things I haven't thought about before.
Lighter
lighter:
Youngest dd had labs done today. Everything but the actual draw is done on the computer.... checking iron levels mostly, Bs, Ds and Cs. People wait in the parking lot till a text tells them to come inside. Patients have to wear masks. In and out, no problem though I did regret not tossing a "Don't touch your face" reminder to dd before she got out of the car. There's concern. I AM concerned.
I ran to Hopie, just around the corner in a not great area of downtown, which is small and noticeably shut down. This means the people out and about are mostly homeless, drug addicted, mentally ill. The police came into the store while I was shopping and spoke to the manager....
No, they hadn't had anyone in the store making trouble today....besides the guy walking around with the uncapped hypodermic needled he filled with drinking fountain water. The cops asked if it was the tall guy? Yes, it was, just call them back if he shows back up.
Holy cow..... naked men pooping, masturbating on the same nature trail an older woman was kicking dogs and cussing at a young mother with young children..... purses stolen from shopping carts, shady people casing neighborhoods in vehicles... giving different stories to different people... breaking into vehicles. I'm not angry or complaining.... I'm noticing. And concerned. People shooting guns with bullets ripping into trees in their neighbor's yards... just not putting up proper targets I think, but Lordy. Some people are aggressively angry..... the drug-addicted mentally ill people and stupid neighbors are OUTSIDERS and they don't belong in their opinions. They have zero compassion and I don't know for sure I wouldn't feel that way if they showed up on my doorstep. Maybe I would. Compassion would stop way short of them harming my pug or daughters, for sure.
I suspect a smashed car window or two would dampen my compassion as well. We used to carry food to give to people begging on the side of the road. DOING something... if only giving them something to eat.... they don't want and might throw away or trade for booze or drugs.... was something we could do. I'd feed them on my doorstep if they asked, but that's not what they want. I notice I don't take this personally as some neighbors do.... it's not personal... I don't perceive it to be aimed at me, but I'm aware they'll do what they do to anyone if the opportunity presents itself. I notice I feel pretty safe. I'm surrounded by people who are always home. People who care about us and pay attention to what's going on around us.
I also notice the neighbors talking about outsiders, like they're not human beings, bothers me. IS it their lack of compassion and would compassion be a mistake? Likely, so I'm letting it go... just let it go. Whew. Better.
It got windy and dark so I ran into he garden and stupidly laid down Preen weed preventer.... which stops seeds from germinating. I hope it stops the weeds and is GONE before I sew MY seeds. Not sure what I was thinking. I have to tell on myself.... I did the same in the neighbor's little patch. He's germinating seeds outside the garden and I assumed not planting seeds, but hey..... I might have really messed up OR done him a tremendous favor that saves him lots of weeding and worrying about weeding. Hard to say, really.
Lighter
lighter:
Spoke with T today.... about things we do to STOP feeling... to comfort ourselves... to avoid tending to the injured childlike part of ourselves is where that ended up.
In a nutshell:
When we eat, drink alcohol, do drugs, etc we're throwing a wet blanket on that child.
When we stop, make a cup of tea, do yoga, ask what that feeling is about, what needs tending to... we're picking the child up and attending to it. This is body/financial safety root chakra stuff.
I notice I tend to eat in the evenings or sometimes too late at night when I'm tired. That makes it more difficult to remember to notice and tend to the feelings underneath.
Remind myself I AM safe in the moment, and observe what's going on around me, pay attention to my breath, and engage in nurturing actions. Put time between the feeling and reactions. Time provides opportunity to respond.
Shifting into the limbic system... emotional brain.... or amygdala/fight for flight survival brain, means I'm less likely to SEE solutions... make good choices.
The more I do it, the easier it gets... like building a muscle. Everything changes when I practice. Chemically. Energetically. Physically. Emotionally. It can change in a second... doesn't have to be hard or take a long time.
I'm committing to doing yoga for my back..... Yoga For The Rest Of Us DVD / back care basics is the starting point... just placed my order. Will hope to branch out from there.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
That's a good comparison, Lighter, between throwing a wet blanket on a child and nurturing them. That makes a lot of sense to me, as does repeating the new habits and building them like muscles. Let's all continue to build our child nurturing muscles.
I hope the seed prevention stuff turns out to be good rather than not good :) Easy to do something instinctively and then realise afterwards you may have shot yourself in the foot.
I think stay away from rough neighbourhoods, Lighter. People are going crazy; it's what some people do under pressure. Domestic violence here is through the roof. People are indoors all day with nothing but fear and misleading or contradictory information going around and they throw the wet blanket on the child. And people do dehumanise other groups of people. They want someone to blame and I'm noticing a lot here that a lot of people are talking about what other people need to do to change, in many different ways, but far fewer are talking about how they want or are willing to change to try to make what comes after this better, fairer, more sustainable. I'm trying to only connect with the ones who are trying to do something different, even if it's just growing parsley on the window cill. Personally, I don't think compassion is ever a mistake. You can be compassionate and still keep your boundaries in place and keep yourself safe. People in desperate situations do desperate things and make desperate choices. Compassion from a distance, maybe that's the way to look at it.
I eat all sorts of crap when I'm tired, Lighter, and stressed, lonely, anxious lol, it's my answer to many problems. And I take my foot off the gas when I feel better. I've been doing yoga and taking Epsom salts baths each night. Didn't bother last night because my back felt better. I am feeling it today so that's my lesson, keep the good habits up, even when it feels like I don't need to.
Do you do any of the Yoga With Adriene stuff on YouTube? I really like her workouts; they suit me and she has a nice, relaxed style. And a cute dog who sometimes joins in. Maybe you could train Pug? Lol xx
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