Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
sKePTiKal:
I notice how all of us respond to "specifics" based on our own frame of references and past experiences... and emotional predilections.
I tend to be as pro-active as Lighter, if not a little more. The way it works for me, is that I assume full responsibility for my own security around here. (Closest friends are 10 mins away; sheriff longer; and maybe one of my neighbors would respond or maybe they wouldn't.) My security extends an umbrella over every life at my farm. Down to shelter and food - number of servings available per person. I can't afford to ACT on compassion until that's secure and there is surplus. I can FEEL compassion - but it's foolish for me to act on compassion and possibly set my small group of people at risk by not maintaining their security first.
The location and amount of space around me, actually poses some problems in the way of security - but having the kids here is helpful because the Hut faces the only other access into the property (without rock climbing gear). It's true I seldom see other people here because of the location. When I DO see someone - I'm usually expecting them. Occasionally, there is someone who WASN'T invited or expected... who was out "exploring". And I need to take some more actions to prevent looky-loos and the stray realtor who might try to convince me to sell. (grrrrr) That means signage; a gated entrance; and notice of private property; no trespassing. For starters.
There are quite a few "moving pieces" in the puzzle of society right now. As above, so below. In my group - John is preparing to depart, his purpose in being here having been as fulfilled as its likely to be. So he'll be moving on to work with a group that responds to disasters and at the moment are running an auxiliary "meals on wheels" kind of effort for people who are extremely self-isolating. I will be getting my house emptied out again when Hol moves into the Hut, and Buck isn't bringing much except tools, necessities, his "just in case" inventory for weathering unexpected situations... and his skills and knowledge. I'm postponing the non-necessary projects until he's here to help design.
Hol and I disagree on this particular balance of security to compassion. She thinks a friend of friends of one her inner circle of friends can be trusted with our location and welcomed in without any restrictions. I say NO... because on the off chance that society's glue comes apart even more... one of the best security features we have in the location is that not even locals knew "this was here". True - I can find it on Google earth - but their marker is in the wrong location. LOLOLOL. And GPS is really spotty out here. Even when I've given specific directions to someone - they've had trouble finding it. I like it that way. Not because I'm paranoid or afraid - but because it's an advantage; an extra edge that I don't have to worry about security on a regular basis.
That frees me up to do all this other stuff.
lighter:
Tupp and Hops:
I appreciate the care and concern you're expressing. I'm trying to figure out a sane way to navigate the world.
I live a few minutes away from the posh neighborhood's walking trails where the naked, pooping, masturbating man was reported and the middle-aged, dog kicking woman screamed at the young mother and young children.
That didn't happen at the downtown grocery store, which is located very near the bus station, now that I think of it.
I, like everyone else, want things to be OK. I want my daughters to be OK, no matter what. I agree.... avoiding bad situations is the highest form of self-preservation.
I hope I strike the right balance with self-preservation skills and the girls. The goal is to empower them, help them feel less at the mercy of, and more secure in the world. Not less.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Well, Lighter, on balance in this situation--ONE naked pooper creeper and ONE woman losing it in public probably aren't a shocking level of civil decay. It just sounds so intense when you describe things at times, I may have misunderstood it as Defcon Three. Glad the girls are okay and of course you're doing a great job.
Amber, that's cool that even Google can't fully figure your location out. I've lived in several mountain areas and understand that sense of security. Despite scary stories on TV, I think it really is pretty rare for people to be attacked in their homes in mountain culture (barring domestic abuse, which is everywhere).
If the zombie apocalypse comes, I'll meet them at the door and hand out knives and forks. Actual confrontation with violence is just not on my menu. I feel lucky I've avoided it so far and accept my limits. I also try not to attract confrontation.
I hope all of us stay aware without feeding the fear furnace, keep what we do see around us in proportion, and focus on the positive connections that also keep us safe. Caring neighbors, decent local governments (or helping grow those) and a one-tribe attitude.
Very easy to write. Not as easy to fulfill, but I think it's where we have to go.
Hugs all,
Hops
lighter:
Hops:
I'll be more precise about my vivid jottings. I meant to be more careful. I thought I was. You aren't the only one who's confused, so it's me.
In the same spirit you're posting to me, I will add a handful of salt and share my reactivity around the phrase......
"I try not to attract confrontation."
I know you didn't mean it in a way that suggests trouble is asked for, or sought out, can always be avoided. It pinged that way for me, even though I know you want to keep everyone safe and away from harm. This is your spirit, Hops.
I trained to feel safer in the world, and avoid conflict. The way we carry ourselves is part of staying safe. That was lesson number one.
Lighter
Hopalong:
I hear you, ((((Lighter)))).
Thanks for your sensitive tuning.
I think I OVER-tune to language choices and rhythms sometimes.
It just all goes deep into that poetry place, which is almost beneath
my consciousness sometimes.
I do not ever think anybody (or anybody here!) intentionally attracts or stimulates violence.
I think I just lack the brain-part that is warrior-like. It's just...entirely absent.
Compare a bunny wabbit to a tiger and you'll get the idea.
I'm glad you shone a light into how interpretations, rightly or wrongly, can tilt how we see each other. And to ditch the royalty...how MY interpretations can do that.
Still pondering what the lesson is but I feel I've just been given a perceptive and sensitive observation that will teach me something I need to hear.
Thank you.
hugs
Hops
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