Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
Twoapenny:
There is a shift when you realise you don't have to protect the kids anymore, isn't there? So nice to see them grow into adults and do their own thing, figure out their own problems, be their own people. And yep, abusers, in general, I think, create a narrative and stick to it, no matter what. Evidence is ignored, self awareness non existent, willingness to just accept difference. It's not there. They live in their own disparate reality trying to pull people in and it's horrible. I do wonder sometimes if it's how they react to the other person exposing them? I don't know the right way to say it, but my mum didn't start her stuff with me until after I spoke out about the sexual abuse from my step-dad. Was that similar with your inlaws, Lighter, that they came at you because you revealed the abuse at home? I wonder if that threat to them of damaging their story is the scariest thing for them to imagine. Maybe their story protects them from what they went through and people unpicking it might mean their own abuse experiences gets out. I don't know. Humans are complicated. I do think my mum's narrative protects her from truth and that me stepping outside of that circle was a big threat to her maybe having to deal with her own demons. Maybe she was just too scared to do that. I don't know.
It did strike me when you talked about meditation that I think that 'going inside' yourself stuff is just too much at times. I know sometimes when I do yoga I get flashbacks to being raped. Usually I have to stop immediately, and then I tend not to do it for a long while. Sometimes I think the same happens with meditation, you just get too close to what's in there and you can't always cope with that. Maybe there was still too much in there ten years ago and another part of you knew not to go poking around in there? Maybe it's safer for you now because of all the therapy and work you've done. I think it is. I'm glad things are safer for you now, Lighter xx
sKePTiKal:
Well, I'm not Lighter...
but I will say Tupp, that I think you're on to something real; at least I've seen the same thing in my own family about "keeping silent".
And as for the flashbacks - that kind of thing stopped being a roadblock for me when I finally unpacked all of that and accepted it as "what happened" and that I did the best I could under the circumstances and no nothing about it was "right". But it is how life happens sometimes, no matter HOW WRONG it is. It can't be undone now; and while the injustice of it still makes me angry enough to chew nails... I just can't let it get in the way of NOW; who I am, how I choose to be and what I do; how I behave.
I simply recognize what triggered the memory - if anything - and say "oh, that again; OK" and move on.
lighter:
My experience with PDs is they feel obligated to destroy anyone who exposes them, in any way they can manage, and they lose their minds when it happens. Not pretty. Usually scary, with the kids getting used as cannon fodder.
I can't say that's the exact case with my In Laws.... it wasn't just that. More complicated and creepy, IMO. Think crime syndicate with a bruised eye over the lawsuit.... their golden child looking foolish for having to pay a fair settlement in a divorce... they, particularly my MIL, couldn't abide that. SO much crazier, now that I think about it.
((Tupp)), it sucks you have flashbacks while doing yoga. I hope you put that on the list, and deal with it in T.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on August 21, 2020, 04:30:29 PM ---My experience with PDs is they feel obligated to destroy anyone who exposes them, in any way they can manage, and they lose their minds when it happens. Not pretty. Usually scary, with the kids getting used as cannon fodder.
I can't say that's the exact case with my In Laws.... it wasn't just that. More complicated and creepy, IMO. Think crime syndicate with a bruised eye over the lawsuit.... their golden child looking foolish for having to pay a fair settlement in a divorce... they, particularly my MIL, couldn't abide that. SO much crazier, now that I think about it.
((Tupp)), it sucks you have flashbacks while doing yoga. I hope you put that on the list, and deal with it in T.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
They sound horrible, Lighter, I'm glad you got away. Let's hope they stay living in their crazy imaginary world and keep away from yours. I hope your ankle feels better soon as well, not easy keeping the weight off your feet! xx
lighter:
The ILs got away with tormenting us through the legal system for years. The heinous fuckery began in 2006.... I guess it stopped in 2014... the year my mother died. That's when the Judge ordered them to pay 80K or so of my legal fees, on top of what they paid to their own little monster attorney. Had to sting quite badly, IMO.
It was the pivotal point where losing cases, for them, wasn't fun IF they couldn't starve us out while doing it. It had always been worth it, up to that point, to lose... and they lost every single case, over and over, and appealed and asked for reconsideration, on and on... "Bites at the apple" as the attorneys would say. Every case was like fighting 2 or 3 cases. I've lost count, frankly. I couldn't even guess how many cases there were. I feel as though I've been educated in heinous criminal fuckery, performed through the court system.
It happened exactly like I said it would, btw. That the HF would stop when the PDs had to start paying my legal fees. My attorneys all said it would never happen, but it did. Yup yup yup.
The PDs are still looking our way.... I know they are.
MIL sends her cards.
FIL sends the government to our land to make false accusations about whatever he complains about.... But that's OK.
It can't last forever.
Lighter
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