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Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
OK, T went straight into ACT memory reconsolidation session yesterday.
There are two things she loves.... for herself, and for clients....
1) Moving through the ACT EMDR memory reconsolidation with client/T in session.
2) Desensitization the client can perform with a strict focus on emotions and sensations... giving them a number from 1-10, then doing 10 quick back and forth passes 10 times. Check the 1-10 number. If it's the same 2 or 3 times, quit. If it continues getting better, continue until it's zero.
She's sending me a link.... I think it's the Nova Reconsolidation Memory Hackers info.
So, I feel really good about the session. Memories apparently change every time we pull them up. We brought up a painful memory, and did EMDR on it. We went on for maybe.... 45 minutes total.... bringing up the memory...... EMDR.... then I could begin changing the memory.... the picture in my mind..... changing it to something pleasing... an outcome I wanted.... more EMDR.... then I went from the beginning of the picture... I chose very early childhood through the moment, then added another, and another..... changing them.... for me it was entering these events as an adult. Helping my mother parent.... attending to my siblings, and myself while Mom did what she was doing as a very young parent.... things that were normal for her, but allowing us, her children to travel through normal childhood phases without being punished for Mom's lack of supervision, and ignorance of normal childhood phases.
We paired the old memory with the new memory... back and forth, back and forth.
We traveled through the entire story with the new pictures.... to the end.
Finally, we traveled through my entire life bringing up every sad/painful/difficult emotion I could recall.... more EMDR.
I can't remember the exact order, but we also colored over the old images with a color of my choice, green, and when she moved her hand, I pictured it covering over the old image until it was filled in. THEN we replaced it with the new image.
I was to let it sit, and not think about it too much, bc the memory does change. The work we did needed to just be. No thinking about what we replaced.
All through this process T continued checking in with somatic experience.... where, what did it feel like, put a number on it.....
closer to the end she shifted to focus on the ease in my body, where... what it felt like.....and focusing on that. The comfort eased into the more tense painful areas still under pressure at that point. The pain/tension was stomach, chest, throat, jaw, and head when we began. At the end the bodily sensations were at an zero: )
I was happy with that session. At one point I couldn't bring up the most disturbing image when asked to. It was just sketchy, and eluded me, where at first it felt huge, popped right up and brought big emotions with it.
If I think about it nom, there's no emotional response at all. It's like that memory has been overlayed with a postive happy experience, and changed... hopefully, and I believe... forever.
I'll research the science behind it, bc that's what I do.
I wish I'd made notes yesterday, but I was just too busy.
Lighter
lighter:
I have 2 paperwork things to tackle.... maybe 3, but I'm trying to notice the anxiety, and deal with it as it comes up without ramping up the fear.
WIll see how that goes.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
Are you finding the new memory stays with you, Lighter, or do you find that the original memory works its way back in? It's such a lot of work you're doing at the moment, are you finding it tiring or does it perk you up? How did you get on with the paperwork? Just that word is so loaded now, lol, I can see myself ending up living in a cabin with no post box and no email so that paperwork can never find its way to me again. Lol. I hope the sessions are carrying on well, they seem to be helping you a lot xx
lighter:
The memory hasn't changed.... that is to say... the new installed memory is the default setting that pops up when I think about it.
The old memory isn't in the files, or so it seems. When I try to recall it, it's like.... I SEE a flash of it, then it automatically changes... like an old slide projector.... to the new memory.
I don't know if it will stay that way, but I BELIEVE it will. The T asked me to put a percentage on my belief around that, and I was amazed to find my answer was unreservedly 100%.
I left everything be, and didn't revisit those memories right away, as instructed.
So....memory reconsolidation.
::nodding::.
I'm heading out the door for another session of just that thing. Different year, same kids, I assume the same changed story..... I didn't think about what I'd LIKE the real memory to be. The answer washed over me, and appeared, and it was good.
See you later; )
Lighter
Hopalong:
It all sounds like such a powerful system for processing trauma, Lighter.
I'm so very glad you found it.
Adding another thing to the list of what to be grateful about! I'm glad for you.
Hang in, and Happy Thanksgiving!
hugs
Hops
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