Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
I'm sorry to hear that lovely T died before her time, Hops. It sounds like she was an important person in your healing journey.
My T does Reiki, but she hasn't mentioned it in our sessions. I've never experienced it, and I don't understand what it is exactly.
:: going to look it up::
Lighter
lighter:
OK, Reike looks a bit like what an Oncology Nurse did for my Bill in Washington when we attended a seminar on different cancer treatments. What she did appears to have been Raiki, though she didn't call it that.
She found his energy...... way off the side, away from his body, then attempted to remove the pain in his liver by holding her hands over that area. Bill made upset noises about increased pain... the pain was bouncing around, and getting worse.
The nurse said the pain was "sticky, like taffy" and stopped trying after a while. It appeared she was catching the pain, and trying to pull it OUT. I didn't understand what I was looking at, and wouldn't have believed it if B wasn't crying out in pain as she moved her hands near, but not ON his body. Amazing.
We also saw an MD who practiced acupressure. Bill was amazed to find his arm strength came and went, depending on what the Doc dropped in his lap. B didn't want to leave that doctor's office. Ever. He was a believer, and wanted that doctor's help.
I think B could have been helped if he'd been more open to alternative medicine before he became ill. As it was he was dx'd with the same colon cancer his father had at exactly the same age his father died of it. How much of that is controlled by the mind? Outside factors, like drinking alcohol, which B did, as did his alcoholic father. How much is in our genes?
I have no idea, but B said he remembered thinking he would die, just like his father, and wishing for it during his marriage, which I won't comment on except to say I had a chance to see boundary trouncing and PD behaviors from his ex-wife, and his oldest dd when B was unable to defend or protect himself at the end of his life.
His dd tormented B and me, come to think of it... the entire 5 months, and she did it while referencing her mother. Like she felt responsible to torment in her mother's place. I'm sure there's a lot of stuff I didn't understand, and I didn't want to. My focus was on healing relationships and putting things down on paper for his adult kids The oldest dd smashed all that to bits, which was sad for the younger siblings.
I wonder how much of B's illness was created by the emotional turmoil in his life, if any. The ex-wife never missed a chance to gut the man, IME. Controlling and denying access to his MIL, who he adored, while she died of pancreatic cancer.
So Reiki. I think I've seen it, and didn't know what it was.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Lighter honestly, I truly would imagine that visiting a Reiki practitioner (as supplement to, not replacement for, the intense T-work you're already doing) would be amazing.
If you try it, hope you'll let us know.
(And now you know I truly am a cafeteritarian about healing modalities, "western" or alternative! What helps from each, just helps. Mind stays open. Evidence matters.)
Hugs
Hops
lighter:
I spoke with ex martial arts instructor for hours over the past 2 days. Catching up was a lot of fun, bc we're interested in lots of the same things.... not a lot of people are.
We shared information, sites, and statistics about law enforcement, martial arts, legal system, boxing for Parkinson's patients, Buddhism, brain integration, psychotherapy, mind/body/spririt connections and self care rituals at every level.... it's like a happy game of mental Twister. Very enjoyable. His background as one of the first Navy Seals, martial artist/healer/student of Buddhism/Toaism, hair dresser, salon/school owner, bounty hunter, PI and trainer of law enforcement officers/hairdressers/massage students, bounty hunters, martial arts... make him a very interesting character, IME.
I worked on 3 paperwork issues this morning.... solved 1, escalated 1, and left another message on the third. Felt good, no emotional reactivity... or not much at all I noticed, then put together a breakfast salad, and enjoyed it.. very satisfied.
I dropped teacher's gifts and snacks off. Those people deserve good chocolate and coffee.... they just do, uh huh.
I'll send out Christmas cards tomorrow. I don't send many, so it's easy.
I'm curious why I don't work out the way I used to when I KNOW it helps regulate chemistry, mood, hormones... everything. I'm curious what has to shift for regular workouts to drop back in place and I believe they will drop in place.
Lighter
lighter:
The last couple of days have been interesting. I've felt very grounded and steady, while noticing things pop up that might usually start an anxious spiral.
I notice them, and let them go by.
Here's what's interesting about it....
If I notice the feeling of loss come up.... like the girls not being little any more, or my not being in tip top shape..... it just got swept away in the feeling that.... it's still there. It's still real, and with me, and inside...... it's not gone, never left, is still here inside, safe, and real and the feelings turned into warmth, and comfort.
The second thing I notice is there's a bit of a bubble keeping the jugments of others OUT, which cerainly hasn't always been the case.
It feels like believing I'm whole enough, good enough, worthy just as I am.... and always have been. It's like T said..... it's like I've remembered it, not created it, bc it was always there.
I also believe the universe is on my side... 100% I believe that, and flow seems to be a symptom of that, IME.
I began putting trash and recycling together... and I didn't fret over it, or put it off, I started exactly when I felt it was right, and put the recycling into the hands of the guys picking it up... right on time. Smiles, no rushing.... he was happy. I was happy. He said he'd wait if I had more. I didn't run.... I just met him in the exact right moment, then trash pick up came about an hour later, 3 or 4 minutes after putting the last of the fridge clean out in.
In that moment I noted I can ONLY DO ONE THING in a moment, and I truly have the choice as to what that thing will be.
Procrastination is familiar to me, but I didn't choose that today.
I experienced flow, and ease, and noted the comfort, and neutral or positive somatic experiences of the last 2 days.... just watched them go by, met the girls in the kitchen to jump in and chat or help with whatever they were doing there. I scoop up baby girl Pug (BGP) and take her outside with me without thinking about it... it's JOYFUL, and I'm happy to do it.
I don't have any resentments or judgment about oldest dd19 caring for BGP, I'm happy to have what I have with BGP. Oldest dd19 and I get along very well lately. She has less resistance to me..... and things are easy, and good right now. I note that. I'm present with the feelings. I enjoy them.
Being present is different. It's where the elusive flow lives, IME. It's not a mystery now. It seems simple, and I think it is.
I don't know why it's seemed pretty effortless the last 2 days, bc as I mentioned in earlier post... I took on 3 things I was absolutely dreading the weeks before, and they all fell into place with just a little effort and time on my part. The procrastination was the painful part, IME.
I'll write it again, I think some of that's viewing the universe as a friendly place, and not a negative place I have to battle. I don't see myself having to battle any longer. I don't feel the resentments, and anger I used to watch come and go all the time, depending on what was going on around me.
This is new, and welcome, and feels so very fresh.
I think it lives inside me, along with all the negative and neutral possibilities..... and today I choose positive in all things. It's not hard... it just is.
:nodding::.
Lighter
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