Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Tuppp's 'On The Move' Thread :)
Hopalong:
(((Tupp))),
I love this:
--- Quote ---I do want to belong and find my tribe but I want to still belong to me while I do it.
--- End quote ---
And these too, except that when the question marks disappear and you assert them as truths, you'll find them to be real, rather than just hopeful hypotheses:
--- Quote ---But what I think must be out there are enough people who have strong enough boundaries themselves not to mind when someone else sets one? Maybe that's the key? When we get stronger and belong more to ourselves we also need to be around other people who don't lose their own sense of self when someone tells them no?
--- End quote ---
I know they're real.
Just as real as you are.
hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
I'm still very behind on threads, you guys post quicker than I can read :) Lol. CB, I can't remember which thread you mentioned not being able to keep up on but I am exactly the same, I quite often read something, think about it a bit, come back on to reply and there's another four posts there and I lose track :) Lol. But my noticing's at the moment are:
I decided to put rest and relaxation at the top of my list. There's no point me thinking about moving, working, looking after son or anything else if I'm too ill and worn out to do any of it. So I decided to make the first eight hours of each day about rest and relaxation and to have two days a week that are nothing but that. Today is the first day I've felt like I have a bit of energy - all the other days I've just vegged on the sofa. I notice very much that as my body starts to relax, the emotions start to come out - hate, pain, frustration, boredom, loneliness etc. That makes me want to get busy, to try to block it out. So I've been trying very hard just to let it come, not to worry about it too much, not to see it as a bad thing or the wrong thing. Today it is starting to feel alright. I've reached out to a number of people I haven't seen or spoken to since we moved. The funny thing is, they all seem pleased to hear from me and all say they are keen to see us when we visit next year. Yet when we lived near them we hardly saw them and they've not made an effort to get in touch since we left. Is it laziness? Do people just not think? Are they insecure and think they won't be welcomed? I don't know what it is but i find it odd, but am glad I've caught up with them. I think I just need to let go of right, wrong, this and that and just reach out when I feel like it and say no when necessary. Maybe that's the way forward with it.
So yes, feeling more human today and less exhausted. Need to keep that in mind - no point doing anything if I feel too ill to enjoy it. Taking son out in a bit. And bought a microwave! To cut down on cooking time - going to try pizza in it later :) xx
sKePTiKal:
Lot going on here.
First of all, Tupp: about finding people with strong boundaries - those people don't come with labels you can examine before choosing to be with them. BUT, I find that if one strengthens one's own boundaries, that example often will be picked up as a cue by others... and they'll feel comfortable trying the same thing. Even if just for that moment in time. Or if they have good boundaries already, they'll appreciate and respect yours - opening up a new level of "common ground".
Hops - your inner librarian is a LOT like my inner critic and looks like my nasty 3rd grade teacher. LOL.
Lighter, I found some things in what you posted about women to be - "off" - but that's definitely through the lens of seeing it applied to me. We can discuss it on the co-dependence thread so as not to derail over here. But for now, the only question I've got is whether there's a discrepency in our ages. I know I was one of the last generational cohorts to have bridged the "traditional" conditioning of female roles and the rise of feminist philosophies. I don't know how old you are. I just turned 63. Thinking age, cultural differences around the country, etc might also have some influence in those FOO environments responsible for our "upbring" - or conditioning, pick a word.
Twoapenny:
Yes, boundaries, I think the problem I have with mine is that they need to be fluid and I find it hard to be supportive one week but then to need to say no the next. That's something I struggle with. Having rested for a week, I feel less tired than usual and I know this is the time when I usually start arranging to see people, listening to tales of woe on the phone, agreeing to take on unpaid work and so on. So that is what I'm going to try and avoid doing this time, and to put my time and energy into what works for us, and to avoid getting myself to tired to function properly again.
I've been looking at live in housekeeper jobs as a possible way of getting out of the current situation. There are some large country estates that employ live in staff, often with their own property on the estate. There is a chance that a job like that might be an option - son would be on-site so even if I couldn't get a carer for him, I'd be around and he could even come along with me if he didn't want to sit in on his own. Best case scenario would be that I get a carer in for him to work on his programme and/or take him out but that depends on funding so is never guaranteed. So it might work - definitely another option to look in to. I am liking the feeling of having options rather than feeling so trapped.
I have found a place that looks amazing - a centre that runs courses in photography, film making, radio programming, online magazines and various other things. All things that son would be into and would really enjoy doing (they're all run for people with learning disabilities so would suit him really well). Definitely worth looking into. Is situated in a town that's very expensive to live in. Need to be open to possibilities of making that happen. Definitely feeling better than I did and more hopeful that I did. The tiredness has so much to do with that and I'm very determined now to put my health first and focus on rest and relaxation before anything else.
lighter:
I'm glad you're seeing more possibility, and feeling less trapped, Tupp.
Lighter
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