Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Tuppp's 'On The Move' Thread :)
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on December 06, 2019, 02:29:51 AM ---((((Tupp))))
I'm sorry for the adrenaline reflex, Tupp. But so impressed with your persistent clarity about it these days. You no longer sound horrified by what happens, but just aware, and intentional, and clear...about what it is, how to cope with it, and more.
It's lovely to think of less clutter in your house, and a tree, and some less-obligated time ahead for you.
I truly hope the music and lights and sweet spirit buried under the Xmas culture-clutter will bring you...well, tidings of comfort and joy.
(I always hang onto those. I love the sacred music, the lights, and people being nicer to each other for a month. That is enough for me and I like skipping hoopla.)
Big hugs
Hops
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Hops, I do love the lights and overall twinkliness at this time of year. The local churches put on a Christmas lunch and a lady near us is taking in fifteen elderly people for the day, cooking them a traditional Christmas lunch, all at her own expense, and then they're all settling down to watch a film and The Queen's Speech afterwards. Those kind of things really make me smile. I do enjoy doing small gifts for friends. If I've got time I'm going to make up some herb sachets for relaxing baths and some lavender pillows for a few people. I like doing little things like that. We've grown some hyacinths as a thank you for some of the people locally who've helped us this year - the library staff, who are lovely and have been so welcoming to my son, the staff in the local hemp shop who've been similarly kind and the complementary therapists we see, who've also helped a lot. I like doing things like that. I do find I think about my mum a lot this time of year. It still feels very wrong not to be buying her a gift or seeing or speaking to her over Christmas. We'll have some nice food, son has done his present list so he'll be happy with his gifts. I'll get some films and books out of the library and we can go for some nice walks. I got son's bike fixed so we might be able to go out for a bike ride, I'll have to see how he is on the day.
I am finding I can see a clearer pattern now with the triggers and reactions. I think the whole public sector thing is just too much and it triggers such an avalanche of both physical and emotional symptoms that it knocks me for six. We'll get next week out of the way and then that will be it. My focus in the New Year will be on finding some sort of business we can work at from home, or if it's out of home in a way that suits us both. I'll carry on working on my health and we will get to a point where the public sector stuff won't knock me for six any more. The stuff with my mum doesn't floor me like it used to, it's just taken about twenty years to get to that point. So it will be okay. I already feel more relaxed knowing we have a way out now. I felt very trapped before and I don't cope well with that at all. It will work out. I have a good feeling about what's coming next. I think I have healed and grown a lot this last year, albeit in a very painful and unpleasant way. But I think it's given me a good foundation to move on from xx
Hopalong:
I do too, Tupp.
I think you sound much much more anchored in yourself, rather than in outside circumstances. And it's lovely to see. Mind blowing how far you've come.
I won't wax holiday much more except to say how delightful what's going on within and around you is. My D haunts me this time of year but I'm extremely lucky to have the distraction of travel with M coming up. It'll be my first holiday with someone who feels like family in decades. Maybe I'll get used to it!
Hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on December 05, 2019, 11:43:40 PM ---
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on December 05, 2019, 04:20:38 AM ---Lighter, I am noticing and observing a lot :) The trigger pattern, as I see it, showed up well last week because I'd had such a nice acupuncture treatment before hand. At the moment I am trying, each day, to do yoga, meditate, build in a bit of down time, eat fairly well and generally look after myself. Really good to read.I went in to acupuncture feeling tired and listless but not stressed and all over the place - anxious, perhaps, but manageable. I came out feeling better than I had for ages and woke up the next morning with a bit of energy for the first time in I don't know how long. WOW. That is fantastic, Tupp. Then we had two incidents with college on each of the following days and they weren't big incidents but for me it was like a grenade going off and the physical effects are huge. I think the trouble is every small problem brings up every single thing that's happened over the last fifteen years and it's just too much for my nervous system to cope with. It feels like getting thrown BACK into the last 15 years.... like it's right there, in front of your face doesn't it? I think it's a bit like being an alcoholic - if you're trying to get away from drinking you wouldn't keep going to the pub. I think it's the same with me - in order to get over it all, we need to keep away from the public sector so that I don't keep being triggered. Once the stress and anxiety wears off I feel exhausted - presumably because it causes a big adrenalin push and then a big crash the other side. I'm thinking it's distance, and relief from the traumas, but also convincing our bodies, and nervous systems the trauma's really in the past.... it's done, over, not IN OUR FACES any longer. I feel really excited about the prospect of looking into business opportunities and working with son on his projects at home again and I want to focus my time and energy on that rather than on dealing with stress and nonsense. I am all for moving ahead, and seeking your joy, yup yup yup.He's got three days there next week and then that's it - all over :) Whoo hoo! I have an acupuncture treatment booked for the week after so I'm hoping that I'll have this one and then, because I won't have a college stress to deal with, it will kind of feed in to all the healthy, positive habits I'm trying to put together instead of being obliterated by another string of emails that need to be done. I'm looking forward to not being stressed about it all anymore. Sounds like a plan to me.
It would have been nice to get some cash for the car boot sale stuff but at least it's cleared a bit of space out and other people can benefit from the items now. I took another car load of stuff to the dump so at the moment the house is a bit less cluttered than it was before and if/when we move, it's a job that won't need doing then. The Christmas tree is up :) It warms my heart to kmnow you and ds are cozy by the tree. We haven't done any decorating, and I'm not sure we will this year.And we've got five days at home now without any drama or interruptions so I might be feeling human again in a couple of days time :) xx You're a really good person, and you deserve good things.... and not bc you're good. Because you're worthy, and whole, and enough just as you are: )
Lighter
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I missed your reply, Lighter, sorry! I feel human today, just from doing nothing yesterday. Yes, I think a time will come when the reactions fade and the trauma starts to leave. I think I need to stop re-traumatising to get there. I'm just going to keep focusing on doing things that help and make me feel good (or at least not dreadful) and try and avoid everything else :) xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on December 06, 2019, 12:46:31 PM ---I do too, Tupp.
I think you sound much much more anchored in yourself, rather than in outside circumstances. And it's lovely to see. Mind blowing how far you've come.
I won't wax holiday much more except to say how delightful what's going on within and around you is. My D haunts me this time of year but I'm extremely lucky to have the distraction of travel with M coming up. It'll be my first holiday with someone who feels like family in decades. Maybe I'll get used to it!
Hugs
Hops
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It's a very hard time when there are people that you miss. Of course, you miss them all year through but it does feel harder this time of year. I'm glad you've got M and the holiday to distract you a bit.
I am feeling more anchored in myself and calmer. I've been number crunching and next year is going to be tight for at least some of the time. Practically and sensibly I'm better off putting thoughts of moving aside until I've got a decent pot saved up and some work sorted out from home (which will take a while) and usually that would make me go a bit insane but it feels alright and I feel like I can manage it. I'm missing my friends from back home and would like to get back up to see them but if I have to wait, then I have to wait. It is what it is now and I do feel calmer about it all. The yoga must be working :) Lol xx
Hopalong:
--- Quote ---I am becoming fierce in my need to have uncluttered space. My whole self relaxes.
--- End quote ---
Beautiful, CB. Whole.
Tupp, I can only say, "What she said."
Fierce peace to both of you,
Hops
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