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Tuppp's 'On The Move' Thread :)
lighter:
Not much snow here, Tupp. Lots of high winds and occasional flakes. Freezing temps, and fresh worries about North winds affecting our winter boat ride on the Atlantic.
I'm sorry you're triggered. That's tough to shake, but it has a cadence, doesn't it? One of the more helpful symptoms is the anger, and fight response. It gives us energy to get through and beyond.
You know this better than anyone. It's not just fear, and feeling shattered. The anger got you through, and out the other side of the legals.
I think it'll help in some ways, until you can unhook those triggers, and leave them behind. Ya, it sucks to get gut punched, but I believe that's going to slow and maybe stop for you. You've gotten yourself through worse, and your indomitable spirit will get through this. You'll continue to shed and gather habits, patterns, and pathways to cultivate more of what you need.
I like writing about your needs, Tupp. When the crisis fades, and you're healing journey continues....what will your needs and wants look like? I hope you remain curious, and observant, even when the triggers strike....or especially when they strike.
I'm tapping with one finger....I hope this post makes sense.
Lighter
Don't judge them, Tupp.
lighter:
Sorry you had to give away all your loaded up boot sale items, Tupp. That was a lot of work, and it sounded like you and your son enjoy doing it.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
Lighter, I am noticing and observing a lot :) The trigger pattern, as I see it, showed up well last week because I'd had such a nice acupuncture treatment before hand. At the moment I am trying, each day, to do yoga, meditate, build in a bit of down time, eat fairly well and generally look after myself. I went in to acupuncture feeling tired and listless but not stressed and all over the place - anxious, perhaps, but manageable. I came out feeling better than I had for ages and woke up the next morning with a bit of energy for the first time in I don't know how long. Then we had two incidents with college on each of the following days and they weren't big incidents but for me it was like a grenade going off and the physical effects are huge. I think the trouble is every small problem brings up every single thing that's happened over the last fifteen years and it's just too much for my nervous system to cope with. I think it's a bit like being an alcoholic - if you're trying to get away from drinking you wouldn't keep going to the pub. I think it's the same with me - in order to get over it all, we need to keep away from the public sector so that I don't keep being triggered. Once the stress and anxiety wears off I feel exhausted - presumably because it causes a big adrenalin push and then a big crash the other side. I feel really excited about the prospect of looking into business opportunities and working with son on his projects at home again and I want to focus my time and energy on that rather than on dealing with stress and nonsense. He's got three days there next week and then that's it - all over :) I have an acupuncture treatment booked for the week after so I'm hoping that I'll have this one and then, because I won't have a college stress to deal with, it will kind of feed in to all the healthy, positive habits I'm trying to put together instead of being obliterated by another string of emails that need to be done. I'm looking forward to not being stressed about it all anymore.
It would have been nice to get some cash for the car boot sale stuff but at least it's cleared a bit of space out and other people can benefit from the items now. I took another car load of stuff to the dump so at the moment the house is a bit less cluttered than it was before and if/when we move, it's a job that won't need doing then. The Christmas tree is up :) And we've got five days at home now without any drama or interruptions so I might be feeling human again in a couple of days time :) xx
lighter:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on December 05, 2019, 04:20:38 AM ---Lighter, I am noticing and observing a lot :) The trigger pattern, as I see it, showed up well last week because I'd had such a nice acupuncture treatment before hand. At the moment I am trying, each day, to do yoga, meditate, build in a bit of down time, eat fairly well and generally look after myself. Really good to read.I went in to acupuncture feeling tired and listless but not stressed and all over the place - anxious, perhaps, but manageable. I came out feeling better than I had for ages and woke up the next morning with a bit of energy for the first time in I don't know how long. WOW. That is fantastic, Tupp. Then we had two incidents with college on each of the following days and they weren't big incidents but for me it was like a grenade going off and the physical effects are huge. I think the trouble is every small problem brings up every single thing that's happened over the last fifteen years and it's just too much for my nervous system to cope with. It feels like getting thrown BACK into the last 15 years.... like it's right there, in front of your face doesn't it? I think it's a bit like being an alcoholic - if you're trying to get away from drinking you wouldn't keep going to the pub. I think it's the same with me - in order to get over it all, we need to keep away from the public sector so that I don't keep being triggered. Once the stress and anxiety wears off I feel exhausted - presumably because it causes a big adrenalin push and then a big crash the other side. I'm thinking it's distance, and relief from the traumas, but also convincing our bodies, and nervous systems the trauma's really in the past.... it's done, over, not IN OUR FACES any longer. I feel really excited about the prospect of looking into business opportunities and working with son on his projects at home again and I want to focus my time and energy on that rather than on dealing with stress and nonsense. I am all for moving ahead, and seeking your joy, yup yup yup.He's got three days there next week and then that's it - all over :) Whoo hoo! I have an acupuncture treatment booked for the week after so I'm hoping that I'll have this one and then, because I won't have a college stress to deal with, it will kind of feed in to all the healthy, positive habits I'm trying to put together instead of being obliterated by another string of emails that need to be done. I'm looking forward to not being stressed about it all anymore. Sounds like a plan to me.
It would have been nice to get some cash for the car boot sale stuff but at least it's cleared a bit of space out and other people can benefit from the items now. I took another car load of stuff to the dump so at the moment the house is a bit less cluttered than it was before and if/when we move, it's a job that won't need doing then. The Christmas tree is up :) It warms my heart to kmnow you and ds are cozy by the tree. We haven't done any decorating, and I'm not sure we will this year.And we've got five days at home now without any drama or interruptions so I might be feeling human again in a couple of days time :) xx You're a really good person, and you deserve good things.... and not bc you're good. Because you're worthy, and whole, and enough just as you are: )
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Hopalong:
((((Tupp))))
I'm sorry for the adrenaline reflex, Tupp. But so impressed with your persistent clarity about it these days. You no longer sound horrified by what happens, but just aware, and intentional, and clear...about what it is, how to cope with it, and more.
It's lovely to think of less clutter in your house, and a tree, and some less-obligated time ahead for you.
I truly hope the music and lights and sweet spirit buried under the Xmas culture-clutter will bring you...well, tidings of comfort and joy.
(I always hang onto those. I love the sacred music, the lights, and people being nicer to each other for a month. That is enough for me and I like skipping hoopla.)
Big hugs
Hops
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