Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Tuppp's 'On The Move' Thread :)
Twoapenny:
That sounds like an amazing day, Lighter, the hard work is worth it when you have such a good time :) Yes, a seafood Christmas sounds as if it might be a little easier on the stomach lol. Fortunately you've got all your garden work to keep you fit :)
I am finding it easier to think now that college is off the table. The weight that has been lifted is enormous. I'm disappointed that it's gone so badly wrong and that I've kind of backed myself into a corner by throwing everything at it the way I did but I've learnt from that and it's making me take the next step more slowly. I'm going to really take my time looking around at other living options and I do want to get some at home work in place before I do anything, as well as clearing my debt and getting a bit of money put by. I think I would like to have a Plan B that can be executed easily in case Plan A turns out the way that this has. But I feel alright about taking my time now that the college stress isn't present and I feel quite excited by the prospect that I might meet some interesting and useful people as I delve into the world of paid employment again. Son is keen to earn money and likes the idea of doing that from home so even if I just find a way to 'pay' him an allowance in exchange for him doing x, y and z it would be a step in the right direction. But for now I am concentrating on my jobs I want to get out of the way. The forecast is okay at the minute so it looks like the car boot sale will be happening tomorrow and anything that doesn't sell can stay in the car and I'll take it straight to the charity shop on Monday morning. If nothing else it will free up a bit of space at home, but hopefully we'll make some cash as well. Son is looking forward to doing it. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas? That hardly ever happens, I usually dread it, but I just feel like the pressure's off and we can just have a nice time and enjoy ourselves now. Lots of film watching. Maybe Predator :) Lol. xx
Hopalong:
Tupp, I'm so glad you're feeling this relief! It's almost the first time you sound as though you've given yourself permission to not fight for what feels impossible.
It sounds as though you have scaled your expectations down to something that can accomodate both your son and yourself, and are no longer going to fling yourself against brick walls for something that just hasn't worked. You had high expectations but you learned to adjust them to accomodate the reality, even though it was frustrating and took a while to do.
That said, you learned and grew such a great deal from your efforts and it also sounds as though he is maturing and learning too. I'm awed by both of you.
One human-scale plan at a time is all most people can manage with very limited resources and the stress of solo-parenting a nearly-adult special needs child. I hope you truly appreciate what a heroic parent you have been. You have done an amazing job of it and I believe there have been benefits to you both. I hope you won't feel you wasted your time...you've gained so much confidence and strength.
I have faith that new plans will take place at a sane pace, with realistic steps, and that the possibility of good things happening is becoming more real every day for you.
I can't think of another person who deserves it more.
Hugs,
Hops
Twoapenny:
Hops, I think I've always been very fixed on 'getting back to normal' - going back to work, seeing friends, doing the socialising thing, and that means other people looking after son. What I wasn't prepared for - and I'm going to blow my own trumpet now - is that I've done such a good job with him most other people don't look after him as well simply because they don't know as much about his conditions :) I wasn't expecting that; I thought I'd just hand him over and everyone else would know what they were doing and then do it. So the slow dawning realisation that other people's care makes him unwell - because they don't understand and therefore meet his needs - means just handing him over isn't an option, and as I don't want to sit indoors with him for the rest of my life neither option seemed like a good one for me. So I do feel a real sense of relief that I can find something in the middle that will work and it has also dawned on me that I don't need to endlessly worry about social services and education welfare now because he's almost 18 and all the child related legislation no longer applies. So I don't have to keep proving I'm doing x, y and z, or worrying about my mum telling people I'm not doing those things properly, because he's a grown up :) And I'd kind of not realised that, because he's still child like in his intellect. But he helped me get some stuff down from the loft earlier and when I wobbled a bit on the ladder he instinctively put his hands out to steady me. And I thought, aw, he's a proper bloke now! So yes - I can see something more like a working partnership now rather than 'mum looking after son'. I'm going to hold off getting in paid carers until I have a better idea of when and where we might move. If it's a really long way off I'll sort something out here, but if it looks like it's going to happen in a reasonable amount of time then I'll wait until we're settled in our next place.
The car is loaded up ready for the car boot sale tomorrow and it's freed up space under the stairs, so I'm going to do some re-arranging which will hopefully make the sitting room feel a bit less busy. Wish me luck! Lol xx
lighter:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on November 30, 2019, 01:08:04 AM ---That sounds like an amazing day, Lighter, the hard work is worth it when you have such a good time :) Yes, a seafood Christmas sounds as if it might be a little easier on the stomach lol. Fortunately you've got all your garden work to keep you fit :)
I am finding it easier to think now that college is off the table. The weight that has been lifted is enormous. I'm disappointed that it's gone so badly wrong It's so hard to stop judging, isn't it? DS loves college, and that's bc of your efforts. What would you feel if you hadn't given it your all, and he didn't love it so much? I think the magic is YOU, Tupp. All the lessons you've learned lead to the place you're supposed to be. Neither good nor bad, just lessons, necessary,and yours to learn. and that I've kind of backed myself into a corner by throwing everything at it the way I did but I've learnt from that and it's making me take the next step more slowly. You never could have half assed the college effort, and received all the answers you now have to consider as yuou go forward. I'm going to really take my time looking around at other living options and I do want to get some at home work in place before I do anything, as well as clearing my debt and getting a bit of money put by. I feel as though you have more space, and air, and calm to think, Tupp. I think I would like to have a Plan B that can be executed easily in case Plan A turns out the way that this has. But I feel alright about taking my time now that the college stress isn't present and I feel quite excited by the prospect that I might meet some interesting and useful people as I delve into the world of paid employment again. The universe is on your side.
It wants good things for you, Tupp.Son is keen to earn money and likes the idea of doing that from home so even if I just find a way to 'pay' him an allowance in exchange for him doing x, y and z it would be a step in the right direction. But for now I am concentrating on my jobs I want to get out of the way. It's time to take care of you, and your needs first. Putting the airmask on yourself, and all that. The forecast is okay at the minute so it looks like the car boot sale will be happening tomorrow and anything that doesn't sell can stay in the car and I'll take it straight to the charity shop on Monday morning. If nothing else it will free up a bit of space at home, but hopefully we'll make some cash as well. WIth people shopping for the holiday, it's a good chance you'll sell some stuff: ) Son is looking forward to doing it. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas? That hardly ever happens, I usually dread it, but I just feel like the pressure's off and we can just have a nice time and enjoy ourselves now. Lots of film watching. Maybe Predator :) Lol. xx
That is wonderful, Tupp. To be happy about the holidays, for me, means NOT doing what everyone else wants. It means honoring what I want to do.
This morning I woke up and it felt like snow, bc of the light filtering through my white bedroom curtains. I see that every day, but today it felt like holiday snow, and happiness, and it echoes through my day... that feeling of happiness, and joy.
So glad you're in a good place right now. Did you sell much stuff?
Lighter
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Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on November 30, 2019, 01:48:22 PM ---
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on November 30, 2019, 01:08:04 AM ---That sounds like an amazing day, Lighter, the hard work is worth it when you have such a good time :) Yes, a seafood Christmas sounds as if it might be a little easier on the stomach lol. Fortunately you've got all your garden work to keep you fit :)
I am finding it easier to think now that college is off the table. The weight that has been lifted is enormous. I'm disappointed that it's gone so badly wrong It's so hard to stop judging, isn't it? DS loves college, and that's bc of your efforts. What would you feel if you hadn't given it your all, and he didn't love it so much? I think the magic is YOU, Tupp. All the lessons you've learned lead to the place you're supposed to be. Neither good nor bad, just lessons, necessary,and yours to learn. and that I've kind of backed myself into a corner by throwing everything at it the way I did but I've learnt from that and it's making me take the next step more slowly. You never could have half assed the college effort, and received all the answers you now have to consider as yuou go forward. I'm going to really take my time looking around at other living options and I do want to get some at home work in place before I do anything, as well as clearing my debt and getting a bit of money put by. I feel as though you have more space, and air, and calm to think, Tupp. I think I would like to have a Plan B that can be executed easily in case Plan A turns out the way that this has. But I feel alright about taking my time now that the college stress isn't present and I feel quite excited by the prospect that I might meet some interesting and useful people as I delve into the world of paid employment again. The universe is on your side.
It wants good things for you, Tupp.Son is keen to earn money and likes the idea of doing that from home so even if I just find a way to 'pay' him an allowance in exchange for him doing x, y and z it would be a step in the right direction. But for now I am concentrating on my jobs I want to get out of the way. It's time to take care of you, and your needs first. Putting the airmask on yourself, and all that. The forecast is okay at the minute so it looks like the car boot sale will be happening tomorrow and anything that doesn't sell can stay in the car and I'll take it straight to the charity shop on Monday morning. If nothing else it will free up a bit of space at home, but hopefully we'll make some cash as well. WIth people shopping for the holiday, it's a good chance you'll sell some stuff: ) Son is looking forward to doing it. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas? That hardly ever happens, I usually dread it, but I just feel like the pressure's off and we can just have a nice time and enjoy ourselves now. Lots of film watching. Maybe Predator :) Lol. xx
That is wonderful, Tupp. To be happy about the holidays, for me, means NOT doing what everyone else wants. It means honoring what I want to do.
This morning I woke up and it felt like snow, bc of the light filtering through my white bedroom curtains. I see that every day, but today it felt like holiday snow, and happiness, and it echoes through my day... that feeling of happiness, and joy.
So glad you're in a good place right now. Did you sell much stuff?
Lighter
--- End quote ---
--- End quote ---
Waking up to a snow effect sounds lovely, Lighter, have you had any snow yet? We had a hard frost this morning and it's beautiful and sunny. Looks like an Alpine resort outside :)
The car boot sale was canceled! We got there with a fully loaded car and couldn't unload so I have taken it all to the charity shop this morning as I couldn't face unloading the car and finding places to put everything indoors again. We don't have another free weekend now before Christmas so it would be weeks before we could do another one so off to the charity shop it went :) At least it is out of the way and other people can make use of some of it now.
I have been very anxious and unwell feeling again and it is because of another couple of incidents at college. None of them on their own are a big deal but I feel like I am constantly on tenderhooks now and the smallest thing sets me off. It isn't like that with other things, generally speaking, but I think just 'public sector' is enough to set me off and I am working on it but I don't feel that setting myself off several times a week is a good thing. I'll be glad when the next two weeks is over and then we'll be focusing on our new business venture (which I haven't thought of yet but I'm working on it!). That's going to be our new phase and is what I want to put my energy into. Onwards and upwards xx
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