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Tuppp's 'On The Move' Thread :)
lighter:
OK. I wasn't sure what you meant... I was worried you were talking about choosing between coping, and looking for better situation... and you could choose ONLY ONE, and that had to be coping. I see what you were talking about now.
Prioritizing a move....allowing son to take that quarter or semester off so you have energy sounds very reasonable to me. I trust you, and your intuitions.
I'm personally looking forward to meeting the Tupp behind the struggle.... who's there inside the battling, maternal Amazonian warrior overcomer?
You're making time to stop, put down all the stuff people thrust upon you, and really SEE what you want... who you are. Who you were born to be.
You aren't the stories in your life.
Those things happened TO you, but they aren't YOU. You can observe those stories and the real things IN those stories, and watch them go by without letting them in, or letting them tip you over.
Observer mode, curiosity, nonjudgmental focus.....
and massive amounts of compassion for yourself in all things...
without fail, Tupp.
See yourself through our filters if you need to, maybe in the tough moments, then pick the thread back up, and know you're on the right path.
You're doing an amazing job, ((((((Tupp))))))).
Astonishingly well.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on November 28, 2019, 06:17:33 AM ---OK. I wasn't sure what you meant... I was worried you were talking about choosing between coping, and looking for better situation... and you could choose ONLY ONE, and that had to be coping. I see what you were talking about now.
Prioritizing a move....allowing son to take that quarter or semester off so you have energy sounds very reasonable to me. I trust you, and your intuitions.
I'm personally looking forward to meeting the Tupp behind the struggle.... who's there inside the battling, maternal Amazonian warrior overcomer?
You're making time to stop, put down all the stuff people thrust upon you, and really SEE what you want... who you are. Who you were born to be.
You aren't the stories in your life.
Those things happened TO you, but they aren't YOU. You can observe those stories and the real things IN those stories, and watch them go by without letting them in, or letting them tip you over.
Observer mode, curiosity, nonjudgmental focus.....
and massive amounts of compassion for yourself in all things...
without fail, Tupp.
See yourself through our filters if you need to, maybe in the tough moments, then pick the thread back up, and know you're on the right path.
You're doing an amazing job, ((((((Tupp))))))).
Astonishingly well.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Lighter ((((((((((((Lighter)))))))))))))) I appreciate your words so much. Yes, I am thinking to stop putting the energy into coping and start living :) I'm so tired, it's just so bone deep and every tiny bit of stress now feels like someone attacking me with a sledge hammer. It's small things, but they often add up. Just today, there have been four emails over a trip son is going on next week. It's transpired that he wasn't being included in the plans for the trip as it's on a day he isn't usually in - but someone's told him all about it and given him all the information, so he wants to go. I know, with my mum head on, that the total amount he'll be doing now (including this trip) will be too much for him, particularly as we're now entering Christmas season, so I've asked him to take a day off in between but he's refused, because he doesn't want to miss out on something else that's going on. So my workload will be greater next week and I'm trying to avoid getting to a point where we're both too exhausted to do anything over Christmas. I don't mind sitting in on my own if I feel alright. But if I'm exhausted, depressed and hormonal it will be an awful few days and just something else to endure. I'm tired of enduring. We went to collect his friend on the way today, he'd made his own way in but no-one let me know so it was a journey we didn't need to make. The boy's mum is then asking about more lifts for him and I'm saying, no, I don't mind the odd time but not every time. It's a stress I don't need. And now the arrangements for next week have changed again (due to all the emails) so now I need to call her over the weekend to tell her I can't do one of the lifts I said I would. They're all minor things on their own but at the minute everything feels like a big deal and it's a real struggle. So yes, I think it's time to drop down a gear and focus on what I want more of in my life, which is peace and health and enjoyable times, not an endless drudge of things to cope with.
I'm hoping Tupp behind the struggle is an older, wiser, calmer version of the bubbly, full of life Tupp who used to enjoy life and had hope for the future and thought everything would turn out alright. I hope she's still in there somewhere and that she'll be able to make her way out one day, just with better boundaries and a more assertive, "bugger off" mode to get rid of difficult people and situations quickly. Lol. Thanks, Lighter xx
lighter:
She's IN there, Tupp.
And she needs to know the universe is on her side.... is friendly... wants good things for her.
Keep those boundaries in place... folks will figure their own rides out if you can't do it for them.
DS will be tired from all this activity, and so will you, but there's rest on the way with the break from school. What do you need to do for Christmas anyway?
A little decoration... some lights... I pick up trimmings from Christmas tree lots, and do a little something that smells good in the house, but not much else lately. A simple meal that brings comfort... I like CB making a beloved soup recipe this year. Easier, and it's just nuts to knock ourselves out cooking if we don't feel like it.
Put something on TV you guys love, and relax, Tupp. The old Christmas movies, or movies you and ds loved together years ago. Yesterday youngest dd said PREDATOR was OUR movie when she was little. I laughed at that, but she remembers it with happiness. I don't remember, but it brings her joy so... we're going to watch Predator, lol.
It's sunny, and windy here..... I have to go check and make sure a bear doesn't get the turkey... it's draining on the back porch, properly spatchcocked.
A friend asked me to his TG dinner this year, and we were SO happy to go. Then his father fell ill, so I'm cooking a second big dinner.
Lord... why do we do this to ourselves?
BTW, I think you're the same person who used to enjoy life, but certainly wiser with better boundaries. It's time cast off old battles, and struggles..... and turn to what's in front of you. The future you deserve. The future you're going to build.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
Lol. Predator is a great film to have as your family tradition, Lighter :) Decision has been made - I'm pulling him out. I went to bed last night having decided that enough was enough and woke up this morning feeling more relaxed than I have in ages. I haven't told him yet - I will do that in the New Year. I have wrestled with taking him away from something that, for a lot of the time, he enjoys doing. But the pressure on him because of the lack of support is making us both ill. I was contextualising it in other ways - if paying for it meant we couldn't pay the rent then I wouldn't do it, however much he liked it. I see it in a similar way - we're paying for it with our health and nothing is worth that. We've given it a good go but the bottom line is the public sector trains its workers to implement the system - not to be experts in the conditions that they're dealing with. I am an expert in the way my son's conditions affect him, and he will become an expert as well. Home ed worked a lot better for us and just knowing now that I don't have to slog through Christmas keeping one eye on trying to keep him well enough to go back to college has made Christmas feel like something I'm looking forward to rather than dreading. We're going to have a couple of months off in the New Year and I'm going to keep searching around for some sort of business we can run from home and a different living solution. Even that feels like less pressure now, because I feel like I can breath and take my time with it, rather than fighting to cope whilst desperately looking for a way out. That feels good.
I hope the second Thanksgiving dinner goes well, Lighter, I'm kind of glad we don't do two festivals close together over here! :) xx
lighter:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on November 29, 2019, 04:13:37 AM ---Lol. Predator is a great film to have as your family tradition, Lighter :)Look, I LIKE the movie, but DD remembers, has a happy holiday point in time fixed in her mind as part of our happiness. And that's OK. I asked her if she wanted to have it playing in the background while cooking together. She said "No, we'll save it for when we can snuggle and pay attention" bc THAT's the speicial part... I think. We continued dancing around the kitchen to oldies until guests were singing and dancing too, then it was football time, which I do not understand. Decision has been made - I'm pulling him out. I went to bed last night having decided that enough was enough and woke up this morning feeling more relaxed than I have in ages. I haven't told him yet - I will do that in the New Year. I have wrestled with taking him away from something that, for a lot of the time, he enjoys doing. But the pressure on him because of the lack of support is making us both ill. I was contextualizing it in other ways - if paying for it meant we couldn't pay the rent then I wouldn't do it, however much he liked it. I see it in a similar way - we're paying for it with our health and nothing is worth that. You put together a plan, strategized, did massive amounts of homework, thought ahead, got very proactive, and you made that move, new living situation, and location happen. BRAVA, Tupp. Heroic effort, and now you're reflecting, and taking stock,which is very wise, IMO. We've given it a good go but the bottom line is the public sector trains its workers to implement the system - not to be experts in the conditions that they're dealing with. I am an expert in the way my son's conditions affect him, and he will become an expert as well. Very well put. Easy to understand. Makes complete sense to me. Home ed worked a lot better for us and just knowing now that I don't have to slog through Christmas keeping one eye on trying to keep him well enough to go back to college has made Christmas feel like something I'm looking forward to rather than dreading. Oh, this sounds like a well thought out pivot BACK to something you know works well, and better than present situation. I remember when you started thinking college through for your ds, bc you wanted him to continue growing, learning, and gaining experiences in the world. AMAZING mom, btw, but you made that happen, and he enjoys it bc you worked hard to make sure he's comfortable there, and congratulations on giving that TO him. Taking stock, and reviewing sustainability..... acting around the facts is heroic, IMO.We're going to have a couple of months off in the New Year and I'm going to keep searching around for some sort of business we can run from home and a different living solution. Even that feels like less pressure now, because I feel like I can breathe and take my time with it, rather than fighting to cope whilst desperately looking for a way out. That feels good. I feels good just to read it, Tupp.
I hope the second Thanksgiving dinner goes well, Lighter, I'm kind of glad we don't do two festivals close together over here! :) xx ::uncomfortable belch::. Honestly, last night was one of THE best social gatherings focused on cooking way too many items (Yam Casserole made with coconut sugar, yams, salt, molasses, butter, pecans, and more coconut sugar, squash casserole with gf crackers, eggs, sharp cheddar cheese, Baked Beans made with molasses, coconut sugar, TONS of bacon and caramelized onions, ketchup then topped with uncooked bacon MORE coconut sugar, and baked almost 3 hours... longer if it's a really big casserole, then I spatchcocked a third turkey, and roasted it till we were standing over it 4 times, after eating ourselves full of side dishes and the lovely Honey Baked Ham a guest finagled out of the HBH company, sans a reservation, and THEN, when we were all so full we couldn't eat another bite, I carved that turkey. Youngest dd ws the only one who ventured in, snarfed a wing, then, happily asked for the other. Again, she surprised me.
I'm looking forward to seafood over Christmas; )
Lighter
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