Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Farm Doin's - 2020
sKePTiKal:
Well, the rental companies aren't cleared for out of state rentals until after the 15th. (:P coronoavirus)
Then to get a truck big enough for what he's bringing there isn't anything available until the 26th. So he made a reservation for 5 days rental after that. Under the circumstances, that's the soonest it can happen - bigger pickup trucks aren't that common in the rentals; and not many available with a hitch to tow a trailer either.
After June 10 - he does the Navy thing. And will be retired after that.
His D's graduation has been pushed back to the 3rd week in July. And so far, nothing definite on her college situation yet. Which is actually kinda normal; schools get ready starting right after spring finals and graduation for fall. The virus situation has messed up the admissions processes - so there is a lot of flexibility in how it's being handled. She doesn't have to worry; good student and talented.
Then, he'll be here - and not going anywhere.
:D :D :D
and more purple dots!!!
Hopalong:
So around June 1, then with you until around the 10th, and gone for a good while for Navy thing? Then D's graduation in July?
Sounds like a kind of nice progression from here a while, gone a while, then back...which might make it easier to transition into FT living together, I'm thinking.
Can be transition shock to go to all at once all the time. (I'm petrified of it anyway.)
Oh this sounds really good, Amber.
Fingers toes and all hairs crossed!
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
I'll know for sure on the 16th the actual dates. He'll be here most of a week. Anywhere between May 26 - June 10th.
Everything else to do, was on his original year-long plan... just as described; except for all the covid impacts on normal stuff. Obviously, I'm beside myself with anticipatory excitement... but I've already warned him too. Asked him what is the first thing you're gonna do when you get out of the truck? Smart man, said I'm going to hold you as long as you want me to. I'm gonna cry, I just know it... LOL.
June 14th is when he was here last year. I'm pretty sure he's going to ask, as a formality, if I'm still OK with him moving here. But he doesn't have to; he already knows it's a yes. I don't think I've ever been more absolutely sure about any relationship before. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to hang in there for the duration of him, finishing his obligations in that part of his life. I'm not the most patient person. And I was sure some flag or another was going to pop up. That just happens; and may still. But it feels like the time has flown by - and regardless of what's going on with him or me... we're talking to each other throughout the day; developing that mundane life routine. Waking up; morning coffee time... together... off on our day; touch base at various points during it for no important reason usually... and then in the evenings, signing off with a goodnight ritual. He likes to have fun. And I like to have fun with him.
He's 100% up to speed on things here at the farm. I know just about all that's going on with him. He's been diving for the Sheriff - various things. I know when he & his D get into spats; latest one was she pestered him to get her X amount of kitten food... except there were no kittens anywhere around. When he walked into her room, she and a friend from down the road were trying to feed baby possums. All he said was: Them ain't kittens. And he got put on the list from that point on. LOL. Poor Dad.
Last night, I observed we seemed to have moved on to parenting together. He said it's just in our natures. And maybe it's part of the attraction, too, I think. He's raised so many kids; still works with veterans fresh out of the service to help them adjust and teach them marketable skills. That'd be guys in their 30s - kids to us. Family is important to him. There will be some travel too for us in the future. Dancing lessons... tango... LOL.
His VA T is beside himself with curiosity about why he's so happy and carefree. LOL. B still hasn't told him. LOL.... I'm kinda enjoying that I'm his big secret. I didn't think I would, but I am kinda a privacy freak - for as open I am about sharing with y'all and others.
Hol has convinced herself - and she's trying to convince me - that this lovely vision I have is all going to come crashing down; that I'm not able to discern anything for real & true about him. :shakes head: Strikes me that she's a bit green over my happiness. I just tell her she's entitled to her opinion and let it go. I want her to go and deal with her life - and try to find her own brand of happiness instead of worrying about mine. LOL. That was the deal, originally.
She and I will get along much better when we spend less time together. This is known. LOL. That, and a patient therapist would go a LONG way toward her having better relationships. She kinda reminds me of me, before those years with my T. All I can do is remind her of the idea from time to time. It would be good if she got a better understanding of what co-dependency is. I'm almost certain she's confusing trusting someone, with reciprocal dependency, and thinking that all of those things are variously co-dependence. When you're strong enough to stand alone - but recognize that you're stronger with a trusted partner by your side - that's NOT co-dependency. She kinda thinks it is. And of course, she knows everything so can't even listen to my understanding.
That's a giant tell, I think.
sKePTiKal:
Been a pretty good week here. Hol was moving some of their plants to the Hut today. :)
Last day before I hear from Buck when he's coming up. So since the sun is warm and it's not TOO hot... I'm trying to get some of the pale out of my skin. Been a few years since I've done that. And just generally floofing about not doing anything serious at all. Just a day to chill out and let the dust of the past months settle. I can go back to my crazy work tasks tomorrow. Ain't goin' anywhere.
Not really looking back at anything I've been through in the past. Pfffttt! What's it matter now? When I have a whole new adventure I'm looking forward to - that's as cozy and caring and fun as I could've imagined for myself? It's all because of who B is... and what that evokes from me. We know who we are; have been able to be honest & vulnerable to each other about that; that's amazingly helpful for getting a sense of "we'll figure things out as we go" instead of pre-planning. And I'm looking forward to it - because I haven't done this kind of life before.
And while that might seem out of character... just leaping off the cliff without even calculating the risks, as I usually do... I can do it 'coz B says: "I got you babe. You'll be OK." Who knew that would be so attractive to me, after such a struggle to be independent and strong in myself???? That's not going to change, ya know. I don't have to give that up to enjoy knowing someone is right next to me; someone who really has my back. All he wants is someone to appreciate the manly stuff he's all about... and let him do what he does. That is perfectly fine by me. It's grounding for me.
So... we'll see. There is a small possibility we decide this isn't going to work for us. For whatever reason. But so far, I have no reason to believe that's the case. We'll part friends if one of us decides "no". But I really don't see that happening. Chances are slim and none. So, I'm trying really hard to not get my hopes up he'll be here next week. LOL. And wondering in amazement at my luck... it's just too crazy good to be believed. It's a good time be alive. And having been through everything up till now.
We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Hopalong:
If there's any single thing that tells me B is good for you, ((((Amber)))), it's this:
--- Quote ---And just generally floofing about not doing anything serious at all.
--- End quote ---
I cannot believe my eyes.
Hadda go read it again.
Woo HOOOOOOO for you, for both of you!
Hang in, breathe, and trust the present.
I am so happy for you.
hugs
Hops
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