Farm Doin's - 2020

[sKePTiKal]

And the floor installers are here bright & early. Slept on the couch last night - I don't know what time it was when Hol came down for her midnight snack; then S was up early - twice. So I just got up & made coffee. But the guy brought a helper and they've just about got the carpet out of the room already. Maybe I can sleep in bed again tonight... which would be nice.

[lighter]

I




want





PICTUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuRRRRRRREEEEESSSSSS!

[sKePTiKal]

OK Lighter... I will find a picture service that lets me post links here. Not doing much today except designing and shopping - in my head for now - as I check the progress the guys are making. Might require a few computers - as I have pics everywhere at this point. But without the historical pics (from when I bought the place) you won't have a lot of context.

Usually you can password protect folders on those sites, which I can post here.

[sKePTiKal]

Testing 1-2-3.... some pics of the Hut.

https://postimg.cc/gallery/18Mrb4n


ETA: YES! Worked first time, every time - no PW needed!

[Hopalong]

Ohhhhhh, it is soooooo beautiful.
I'm in transports of unrealized-mountain-houseishness....

WOW. I can just imagine how the hut and its landscaping and weathering will mature into a Really Comforting, Beautiful Home.

Kudos, Amber! And thank you for going to the trouble to give us these glimpses.

Hugs and huge hoorays,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

You're welcome. I MIGHT have time to get the other album populated - but those pics are on the office laptop downstairs (need to do some work in there anyway - but have to put my bedroom stuff back FIRST and get it out of the main living area).

[lighter]

Thank you, Amber!  That was so satisfying!  I love all those big, clean windows and skylights.  The concrete tub and metal railing appeal to my industrial chic affections. 

Is the concrete tub working out?  I've never seen one before.  Countertops, yes.  Tubs, no.

Having your home back will be such a treat!   Here comes cooler fall weather and B!

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

On the tub, there is still an issue with the tub filler. Because it's a deep soaking tub, there are no faucets/spigot inside the tub; instead the filler is floor mounted and intended to reach over the side... but the spout isn't long enough. Hol was thinking S could make a trough - like a downspout shield - that would direct the water but that still remains to be seen. Old sink hand pumps used to have that kind of shovel trough...

S has been spending every waking minute either in the garage or at the hut. He commandeered one of her fabric shelves for his books... and has been sitting around daydreaming in some la-la land state expecting her to keep him company and bring him "snacks" from the house. Avoiding me, is another way to explain that, methinks. She on the other hand keeps showing up here, saying she can't just relax there when there are still things that need to be finished and the rest of her stuff to go in. I understand that bit. And since he's not really interacting with her and talking about either future plans for planting or their relationship with her or helping her "do"... she's bored. She is still "doing" because she needs to organize and figure out where things are going to "live" in the house. And I think she is also thinking about what DOESN'T belong in the house....

my lips are sealed on that topic. But I can see some of her distress on her face. This phase of moving into the Hut was  supposed to be celebratory and joyous for her... but by co-opting the process to suit himself and upending all her plans... out of his perceived "need"... it's been ruined for her. Knowing her, it's not lost on her that he's quite comfy and can't be bothered to do what's needed to help get one step closer to HER finally being able to relax & enjoy it -- with someone also caring about her.

This is one reason I just jumped into getting the hardwood down in my bedroom. It was something I could tackle myself - clearing the room & putting stuff back - mostly by myself. And instead of putting everything back to surround myself with myself again... now I'm making room for B. And there will be some intentional "curating" of what comes back into the space and what goes elsewhere. I need to do some detective work to find 4 boxes of the stone I'm using on the wall where the fireplace was... everywhere I've looked it's not available. So I'm calling the manufacturer today about where to find it or maybe they can help me out. The color with the floor and original pine walls is PERFECT. It's all a soft blend, no dramatic contrasts. A soothing space in other words. B needs that too. With his quirky additions. Yesterday he was telling me about an alpaca hide he got through customs after a mission somewhere in S. America and has had all these years, safely tucked away. It'll be nice in here.

Ideally, the stone would've been done before the floor went in - glue & all that mess - but it didn't work out that way. I had to fully occupy and exhaust myself.

I'm checking out some rugs, too - but the floor is so pretty I don't want to cover it all up. I washed my curtains but they still need ironed... so I'll be busy - at an easy pace - all week. (Still will dig out the house pics tho.)

[sKePTiKal]

Babbling... burbling... while I have a chance. I soon have to get the trash out since we were all pooped last night. Decorating is my "happy space" I think. Altho since it cooled off a little, I have cooking/baking on the brain too.

The college B's D is going to keeps moving the start date. We're looking at the middle of Sept now. He still has to do some more clean up on his house & get it sold; and he's hoping to get up here before then, for another visit. In the meantime, he's having some go-rounds again with the hospital & the lawyer is chomping at the bit now to "have at them" for what B's been through with them. In the last 4 years, every single "treatment" has created another serious, irremediable problem for him. And he still keeps going; as he says - they haven't killed him yet. But that's diametrically opposed to what "health CARE" is supposed to be about. Of course, they're held harmless for any serious side effects.... that's the chance you take. But with 4000 pages of medical history in their hands documenting all his allergies to drugs... it still hasn't stopped them from screwing him up even more. The recurrent meningitis is just the latest one and it seems to be becoming more frequent.

Poor guy even thought to ask me, if I'd still have him if they had to amputate a leg. It's all I can do some days, to keep him oriented to possible positive outcomes or potential solutions. He does the same for me, with the stresses involved in my situation.

Right now, I'm feeling like I'm in limbo. Hol wants to wait till the contractors are completely done to move everything in. And then she wants to do her "happy place" nesting thing too. I'm looking forward to having my house back to normal for a bit before B is here again. I am just DONE with the whole S thing and it's HER PROBLEM to resolve however she chooses to do it... as long as it's not impacting me. THEN, I will speak my piece plainly. And I'm at the point that I'm not diplomatic or tactful and I'm not going to go through years (again) of being her sounding board for the decisions she makes that are making her miserable. I'm not going to be an enabler for her to "put up with him", period.

As far as I'm concerned, he lost the right to have a voice in what goes on here when he put his "feelings" and "judgement of B" over mine. He is persona non grata. But I understand that Hol has always taken in stray animals and attempted to domesticate them. (Yeah, that's mean. But like I said, I truly am tired of trying to pretend I don't have negative feelings on this topic. That's just unhealthy.) And no way do I feel obligated to distort myself into a pretzel to accommodate unreasonable expectations or demands... like she does right now. She doesn't have to like that either. I'm staying inside my boundaries... and she knows it's all her to choose, decide, make it work or not... whether that's by herself or with participation from him.

Meanwhile, "happy places"..... are keeping me sane.

[Hopalong]

Amber, gooooood for you.

You're creating more than one kind of space:

--emotional/mental space by detaching from Hol's labor pains to give birth to her maturity (a long labor that nobody else can do). Bravo. You're also detaching from her final judgment whenever it comes about S. She'll either get there or won't. Knowing all the ins and outs of his character and minor doings (like swiping a shelf) are a waste of your own mental space, imo, so the more you do this mental/emotional distancing, the better. For both you and Hol, ultimately.

--comforting, beautiful physical space to share with B. It sounds absolutely gorgeous and what a welcome for this weary man. And beautiful for you as well, as your artist side is creating the feeling, the calm and the gentleness you want to be able to rest in. Lovely. It won't be fake "spa"/"hotel suite" HGTV superficial. It sounds authentic, beautiful and warm. And for once this is for you (and B), about you, and as you envision.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Well, Amber.... I hope you can withdraw with love from Hol's process.... but maybe shine a little light on what appears to be a pattern for her in relationships?

One of my girls has labeled it a "daddy issue" and SEES it for herself, and in her last relationship, which apparently she's still tethered to by internet... in case he changes.  In other words, it's over, BUT if he manages to make huge change (unlikely) she'd date him again.

It looks like dd hasn't finished all the lessons there yet.  I'm amazed and happy she's SEEING it as childhood trauma issues popping up... needing work.... getting attention.  She has distance on it I never had at that age, for sure. 


From here..... I so want to tell Hol to consider looking over her history..... asking her if it has any meanting THEN telling her to let you know how things work out for her....and drop it.  Go back to what you've been doing.... editing, curating and considering what a comfortable life, for yourself and B, will look and feel like.  On the feet.  On the eyes... the way you feel when you occupy your space. 

I noticed you shift from Hol BACK to yourself, B and your space... to the future... to B's ongoing struggle with the healthcare system and perhaps legal battles, and whatever comes next for him and his health. 

I also think it's time you put a deadline for being OUT of your house and IN the hut, for Hol and the boy.   Your post felt like Hol is determining that, stretching out the date, for whatever reason.... her comfort, perhaps.   I don't think she needs more comfort... as you said...you're done being her sounding board to enable her to keep repeating mistakes and stay in untenable situations.

Maybe shifting her INTO the hut, sooner than later, will help her shift out of her old habits.... just squeaking by and hanging on to something that's not going to work, OR needs a strong kick in the rear to improve, or not improve.

I'm all about economy of motion, and you have a house to prepare for the new life you're launching.
 It's difficult for me to imagine you putting up with the boy's ongoing messiness, and Ho's stuff all over the place..... even for one minute longer than necessary.  HOL can put up with her stuff all over her place, and the boy's mess , without involving you.  Why should you suffer too? 

Something to think about, and it doesn't have to be delivered with drama... it can be a very calm boundary.  It can be a very good lesson on HOW to be assertive AND kind, but firm. 

I have the feeling Hol will deploy these very useful tools for herself.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

You ladies are getting a good handle on the actual situation, as I'm seeing it anyway. Clarification is needed on one point: because the CONTRACTOR over-extended himself, there are more & more delays about getting to final inspection point and occupancy permit. Camping down there when no one is around is one thing - but technically speaking, they aren't s'posed to MOVE IN, yet. That said - Hol said if there's no one here this week from the contractor crew (plumber is here today) - then SHE & S will start hanging doors. She is very TIRED of waiting and all the excuses for why he has to keep other customers happy when at most - two days work for a 3-4 man crew and they'd be done. (Except for negotiated things on the exterior.)

She just said next week she's going to bring everything here from the storage unit - DONE OR NOT; it's just one trailer load with my jeep. Then, she will work on all of the stuff - including projects she's taking on for herself. And the contractor will have to work around her. Occupancy permit or NO. I've had a conversation with the contractor too. And made it abundantly, unequivacably, passionately clear that it was past time for them to move out of my house.

What she CAN'T do - while there is necessary work to be done - is just sit down there & relax. Which is what S is doing. Basically to avoid being around me. I understand that.

Yes I'm detaching in as many places/ways as I can see where it is the right thing to do. Yes I'm shifting to looking forward - first to that time alone to reclaim my space as who I am now, after 4 years here; 2 of which integrated Hol, then S, into the picture. Then, to Buck. We have already talked at length about patterns in relationships and even explored past history with her Dad to an exhaustive degree. (Funny; those sectors on my neural hard drive seem to have been erased almost completely... LOL. GUESS WHY? I know only that it adversely triggered the previous trauma; not how or why - and it's not important now.) I've shared my own experience and what I know from conversations with people who have been through this kind of thing... what I've learned in T and relearned in real life. It's up to her now. She can check in; can ask questions; can discuss things pretty intuitively and eruditely... and we can own up to our own personal differences, knowing there's no one "perfect way to be" that fits everyone... and discuss those too. Without it being taken personally; as a criticism or "should".

We've both learned a lot from each other. Tried on bits & pieces of the other's personality for "fit". Usually what's borrowed is given back - but an adaptation is gradually made in both our understandings and standard protocols. There's been joint evolution going on - in our individual work too.  And it doesn't mean we have a strictly cerebral relationship; there is STILL a lot of essential warmth and reciprocal "giving" going on - even when we disagree on some things.

There is still that little emotional "tug" though... about her moving on to a new phase - despite her not wanting to be in my way (or A&B's way) and me eager to have to my space back. It's totally irrational; totally emotional. Because she can be here or me there in 5 minutes tops. And we will see each other often throughout the week.

Going down to studio now to see what she's up to with the dresser she's spiffing up and to repair a canvas for her and give each other pep talks. LOL. And plan... lots of planning going on. So less personal conversation... more fun stuff. Since my bed was set up again last night, I slept wonderfully. She's continuing having disturbing dreams and midnight rambles & snacks. I think her subconscious is working overtime on her stuff. I've got some more stuff to think about ordering, trying to find, etc.

[lighter]

Oh, yes, Amber.

More fun. 

You've said everything to Hol you can say..... it's out there.  Her mind seems to be working on it, even as she sleeps... so more fun seems exactly right. 

She'll figure her stuff out. 

You design and put your life in order.  Savor these final moments of her in your home, as there's no changing the timeline, it seems.

More joy. Yup yup yup.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

In these days of incredibly frustrating customer service, long wait times, etc - comes a little ray of sunshine:

Yesterday I called the distributor for the stone veneer I need 4 more boxes of to finish the wall in the bedroom (prior to wood trim). This afternoon I got a call back from them, saying Home Depot would have it back in stock next week. I made sure to let him know I truly appreciated the callback.

It just makes a person's day, to give/receive those little kindnesses.

[lighter]

That's great, Amber. 

I'm glad to hear it.

Lighter