Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Farm Doin's - 2020
sKePTiKal:
Lighter, interesting comments about boundaries and the heightened feeling of conflict and fear of emotional drama. And I believe this does apply in my case. I will chew on that awhile and see what else comes up.
But, her friend John is now insisting that I transgress Hol's boundaries in a HUGE way, and assert my ownership and control here and essentially destroy her relationship with this guy - for her own good. I flat out told him no and it isn't any of his business. I won't be triangulated.
I tried to explain to him, that sure - I could do that and destroy my relationship with her in the process. But it would be very much better if we simply gave her the space to decide for herself that the relationship isn't what she wants. She's 42. She isn't a child who doesn't have the ability to make her own choices - and suffer the consequences, if she chooses wrong. It's one thing to share the space here, and try to work out the process... but it's verboten in my value system to interfere with her relationship, EVEN (maybe ESPECIALLY) when I can see how it's not going to last or be a two-way relationship. He is very kind and sweet to her - even if he seems to expect to do nothing else. And that's what she is responding to. Is is genuine? Will he just up & leave when she starts expecting more participation from him? I don't know and it's not my outcome to fuss over or try to direct.
Man, things were a lot easier around here when I was a hermit. LOL.
lighter:
Amber:
It's curious that John would feel he's entitled to give you marching orders regarding your relationship with Hol, and her sweetie.
I'm guessing his anxiety got the better of him, and he just went off.
You seemed to handle it well.
Have you implemented any boundaries around your space and how you require it be kept?
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Yes. And so far it's working. On both men, and Hol. We do have about 6 inches of snow that means we are STUCK with each other, and therefore HAVE to get along. I made brownies & dinner for Hol's birthday (a day late, since she finally went out on a "date" with him for her birthday)... and it seems I was the only one eating; she did eat some of it and highly approved; did her happy dance.
Due to the explanation about Buck's duty status; the news has made me feel the full impact of what military wives have to deal with. The gov can change their mind at any moment, you know, and send him overseas due to a lack of trained experienced divers. Even at his age. That has a LOW probability of happening for real. I use probability to counter my "worst-case scenario" fears, and it's helpful for me.
But he's not yet well enough to even do training - neither one of those situations is warm & fuzzy for me - but he's easing my anxiety better than one would think, not actually being here. He's just had his pic line - where he administers the IV antibiotics, clog up and had to get that cleared; he was supposed to have sutures removed but the hospital had no one working qualified to do so that day (?????? WTF??? It's a HOSPITAL.) He took out the ones he could reach and his D got the ones on his back. And now his last medical device has been set improperly; too high overall, and not directed across his lower back, along with his legs. (That would be the nerve stimulator).
But otherwise, he's bouncing back and adjusting to the high dose antibiotics pretty well. He's been out walking trails, with and without carrying weight. Keeps him from going stir crazy.
lighter:
I'm not following about the last medical device... the stimulator. I thought all infection had to be cleared up before anything went back in?
And.... he's out walking trails! That's fantastic.
I have a question.... if and when B goes back into the service are you planning to go with him, at least some of the time? Or not?
Lighter
Twoapenny:
I'm glad Buck's able to get out walking, Skep, that is something at least, and I hope they can get all of this other stuff sorted soon (not him going away, I mean him getting better and hopefully someone seeing some sense and making sure he doesn't get sent away! I am really shaking my head here). I hope you and he get to spend some good quality time together soon xx
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version