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Friendship Moments: good or bad

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lighter:
I don't know, Hops.

One wouldn't have to be a robot, necessarily, while sitting in emotional awareness, sans reactivity.

It might just be observation, sans fear, guilt,  or shame.....I think.

Not sure, but, for me, dependence on a relationship seems to be a jumping off point for fear, IME.  Once I shift out of need, into wanting...... everything flips.

Same with needing to be seen a certain way, or not needing.

I understand everyone has important things, about who they are in the world......
if I neeeeeed others to see me that way
vs
understand they're free to hold whatever opinions they like...... I'm still me.  I'll be ok, no matter what they think AND if they're insisting something contrary, to my truth, is real........
there's a motive.  Something about me and my stuff is rubbing up against their stuff, and I don't have to fix it, change it or otherwise alter their belief.

Lately, when I drop the rope, they do a huge change and drop into normal behavior patterns.

Maybe, I'm saying you don't have to be anything, with the Poet, but authentically yourself. 

It's the neeeeding Poet to SEE your truth..... that's creating upset....maybe?

I dropped the rope, with my Army Ranger friend today.  I've done it several times in the last month.  I remain u bothered, and he figures stuff out, or not.  I'm always shocked when he figures stuff out, but the more I drop the rope, the more he comes'round to rational conclusions BUT only when I can release expectations.....so it seems.

You can extend compassion to your Poet friend.
She can remain your friend.
What she may not be able to do is extend reciprocity and the kind of vulnerability required for big growth.

If you accept her, as she is, then she's just a friend with limits and flaws your mindfully willing/unwilling to spend time with.

It's unrealistic expectations giving us the vapors, IME.  Rarely is it someone's repeated bad treatment of us.

What we allow, and don't allow, is up to us.  Not them, IME.

Telling the Poet you require some reciprocity.....is an option.  Requesting and requiring a bare minimum of decent behavior is an option.
Enforcing boundaries, you've set, with immediate delivery of stated consequences is an option.

 Allowing her to remain willfully ignorant, while ignoring your stated needs, is an option.

I wonder, if she'd feel ok, with your being treated, like she treats you, by someone else?

I bet she'd say you deserve better......UF she's not mired in shame and defense mechanisms.

The question is.....
do you need her to be anything, other than what she is, now?

I'm trying to internalize this, Hops......not telling you what to do, or believe.  Just sharing my lessons.

Lighter

Hopalong:
VERY wise lessons, Lighter.
Thank you.

You're right. Pining for reciprocal care and interest may not be rational. I'm letttttingggg go of fantasy. Dropping the rope.

I'll ponder stating some needs. Maybe. If she shows openness, wants to Zoom again, then I'd see an opportunity to state what I need/prefer (big diff) in a healing friendship. If she avoids....I'll let her do so. She's in charge of what she CAN do, and vice versa.

That helped. All of it.

thanks again,
Hops

lighter:
We tell ourselves stories about other people, our connections, and ourselves, IME.

Dropping the stories, frees one to see what's really there, weigh it up, and decide if we're still interested, IME.

Back to radical acceptance, I guess, sans any story telling, or wishing things were different.....I think.

And....

It's the stories, we tell ourselves....the stories running in the background..... the unconscious stories creating the energetic charges?  I think?

The journey continues.

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Well. Maybe reciprocity is more fluid than we think. And may not be there - even if we express a need for something specific - at the time we state it. Maybe the other is going through a time when their bandwidth shrinks... and they simply don't have anything to give. THEN.

Like we're on completely different timelines in other universes... and while sometimes they run together; the synchronicity factor... sometimes they just don't. For whatever reason.

I think you can hang on to your own feelings... and let hers do her. But of course, you also get to choose how you spend your time.

Hopalong:
True about stories (my head IS a story), and especially radical acceptance, Lighter.

And Amber, you're illustrating radical acceptance too, with or w/o synchronicity.

The little spurts of resistance I've felt about this friendship are fading. What's the point. She'll do what she can or wants to do, and otherwise not. Same for me.

How do I manage to make pretty simple things so complex? Well, I'm less haunted about it today. Though I'm crabby in the heat.

hugs
Hops

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