Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Friendship Moments: good or bad
Hopalong:
You're right, that's all so true. Thanks for the perpetual insight, Lighter.
She just wants a sounding board for the performance persona she's developed over many many years in order to cope. I get it. The eruptions are when, when challenged, her woundedness comes out. I don't need to fix it.
I just am not attaching as much to it any more.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
Acceptance is a deeply healing/freeing balm, IME. Sometimes more, or less, difficult to make peace with.
I suspect I just made it over a difficult hump, myself. Will see, soon enough.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Happy Hot Sunday Hops... <smile>
Maybe we'll get another afternoon thunderstorm.
How're you keeping in this heatwave? Finding enough to keep you busy? to eat? to watch on the mind-control devices? (puter, tv, etc)
The generous rain this year, means that everything is lush green (mowing for Hol), I don't have to water gardens (but the weeds are threatening a take-over), and this year I have a HUGE crop of mullein coming up everywhere. I dried some for tea and am sending to a few takers on one of my forums - fair number of herb-curious folks there. I had to harvest in the early morning - but even at 9:30 am it was unbearable.
Hol's landscaper friend is coming out this week to help on some postponed/delayed projects. He's bringing his 6 yr old boy... so we'll see how I do. I don't have a lot of patience for some kinds of kids. Thinking about making ham salad, or at least that's the planned experiment - I was warned the young'en is a real picky eater at this stage. And it's too hot to cook. I still a few kid-friendly yard games (since all my grands are teenagers) but it sounds like he's never experienced the great outdoors in free-range style. You know, looking at bugs, checking out streams & ponds... running forever free in open spaces until dark and then watching the lightning bugs or actual lightning.
Maybe Hol will want to entertain him some too. She has a stock tank she uses for cooling off & floaties. Kids do like her a bunch too. We'll see. B & I are real comfortable with the Dad but some of the things I hear about what's happened to this kid while at his Mom's sound waaaaaay too familiar; in a bad way. Mom has a new BF and neither of them act much like parents. I bought him a supersoft teddy bear to tell all his secrets to last Christmas.
Lots more circus going on here but I got get to get moving a little to finish up some odds and ends before they get here. I hope you're finding a comfy balance of quiet time & fun! this summer.
Hopalong:
Your circus sounds primarily cheerful and most of all FUN, Amber.
Hope the little guy behaves well and is nice to be around. Do update!
I'm doing pretty well. Just avoided a bump in the road (metaphorical) that would've derailed me...almost contacted my D because she's been on my mind a lot. Then I reviewed some of her last diatribe emails in which she said I never take any responsibility for anything and I'm responsible for most of what's gone wrong for her, etc etc etc and how she realized "right away" in family counseling that I wouldn't accept responsibility. (She quit after two appointments with two different counselors....ummm....I certainly was present and ready to do or accept ANYTHING to heal our relationship.) Anyhow, all that was triggered by a Hax column about an adult child addict and it hit me how many of D's delusions and denials and pure projections remind me of what that family was going through. She's not an addict, but behaviorally, there's a lot of overlap. I'm desperately sorry for her but that's trumped by knowing I can't trust her or set myself up to be newly vulnerable to her. If she ever accepts my offer of online counseling with the person she chooses, I'd definitely do that. But right now I don't know if she even has shelter or a computer.
Managed to back out of the trail and delete a foolish draft. Whew. I still worry about her, but the way one would about a pet Komodo.
Otherwise, some practical problems: central AC broke. The system's fan burned out so the distorted bearings screeched and so in the middle of all this heat, Pup and I just lie around panting. It's been very uncomfortable despite fans and I sleep (ish) soaked in sweat. We're waiting for the fan-motor vendor to send a quote. The local company that maintains my system would like to sell me a new system. Makes sense, if you have thousands and can afford it, which right now, I can't. Fan first.
Just cancelled a repair to half my kitchen floor from that broken pipe that went undetected. I'm going to buy some colorful rubber puzzle-piece mats to fill in.
Otherwise, with friends, things are going well. Another Zoom with Poet went okay, nothing new or surprising, so I just was supportive and she was cheerful. I didn't dread it and felt a startling boredom listening. So that's where that is. Not worrying.
Met a new friend through the Village pres. yesterday. Quite nice, English, a writer. Eager to make friends so I'm stepping up. (The pres. is her close friend but about to be gone for a month so she was eager to make a connection for her just-moved-here friend.)
Another friend I haven't seen in a while, I'll be visiting tomorrow afternoon. English friend next door is suffering, having a hip replaced next month. And I'm volunteering weekly...next week is a woman who needs help decluttering. I think it's a perfect service to do and maybe I can bring home some of her motivation. She lives in a neighborhood quite close to where my parents did. Their house is so glamorous now, but I feel no nostalgia.
All in all, I'm feeling generally peaceful and forcing myself out of isolation. Most days I don't see anyone, but I do try to put things on the calendar more consistently.
Thanks for checking in, lady. I hope your summer will cool a bit and you can still enjoy your land and your projects. One fun thing: a neighbor came by to ask if she could take blooms from my huge pink crepe myrtle out front and make bouquets that are being sold for a counseling charity at a women's arm-wrestling event. I sicced her on my tree-sized hydrangea, too and she was very happy.
Hope you are too and that things are going better for B.
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Oh man, I hate to hear your AC has gone out! You must long for a kiddie pool filled with ice cubes! Can you hang a wet (stick in the freezer) towel in front of the fan? That might help. You're better off trying to fix the existing AC fan than replacing it right now. The older units are more mechanical & less digital - so less ways for it to stop working. (Lots less $$$$$ too.)
I'm sorry your D is still incommuncado. I know that must be a chasm of hurt. Even if you've gotten used to dealing with it. My short face to face with Amy was pleasant enough; I did have to overlook the same foibles I was hoping she'd outgrow by this age. But she hasn't and this is who she is now. B was not impressed and got a little freaked out when it came up he lived in the same state as her (for now). We didn't hang out long. Not our circus; not our monkeys! And everyone was loud and there were 3 large dogs to manage. Totally not our "happy place". Amy seems to be doing OK at taking care of herself; so Hol & I have been shifting our "help" to the boys - they are still trying to move out and be independent. Its one struggle after another for them.
B and I are still mostly homebodies. It just feels like there is so much to do here we can't make plans to just "go somewhere". And Hol's schedule impacts ours - because we end up dogsitting a lot for Knuckles for her. Maybe we can get out some this fall. I still want to try to get to the Cedar Creek Civil War enactment in October. I've been living in the area since 1980 and still haven't been. I mostly want to peruse the suttler's camp for period fashions & utilitarian items. Pet some horses - ha! B's interest is more personal, as he's related to one of the generals; I forget which one. I participated in the development of the Civil War Battlefield Foundations work many moons ago and I'm sure you know just how many places in Va were involved. I did drive B past a French & Indian War era Fort Site last week on one of our "hunting & gathering" trips.
It's about time for us to start topping off our wood for next winter and if it would EVER cool off & stop raining - my gardens need work too. AGAIN. But I'm hearing much the same around the country.
I'm glad you're getting out & about meeting with people. It must be helpful to feel connected to your community.
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