Oh No, now what do I do??

[DJ]

I posted a few weeks ago, the subject was "where to send gifts to your niece and nephew of an Nsister".  

  She is divorced, but her Xhusband has primiary custody of the kids.

Nsis has been a 'classic N' and managed to alienate everyone except another Nsister and Nmom, especially RECENTLY.

It was suggested, and me, and family members who are fed up with Nsister,  planned on sending my Nsister's kids mas gifts at their dad's house.

Well, he was contacted by Normal sister to get his permission.  Bam!  He said "since he was getting along with his Xwife (my Nsis) so well, it would be better to mail the gifts to HER house!    

Me and other family members were planning on sending our gifts to Nsis's X-husband to AVOID ANY contact with Nsister.

So. . . now what do I do?   Please, any advice will be greatly appreciated.

DJ

[Anonymous]

"Well, he was contacted by Normal sister to get his permission."

Why do you need 'permission' to send something to your neice and nephew?
If it were me, I would have just sent the gifts to the children at their father's address. What's it to do with anyone else, even other family members? There's a chance that your gifts will be intercepted but that's beyond your control. If they are, one day your neice and nephew will know that you did try.
I'm sensing that the kids are becoming the issue here, they're not. It's your Nsisters and Nmom that are the problem, keep the kids out of it.
Sorry if I sound too harsh for you DJ, I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

So. . . now what do I do?


Well--like the last person said I'd have just sent them to dads without telling him first.He would not have had the chance to say no so you wouldn't be sending over his "no" like you might now.Yes in a "normal" family it wouldn't hurt to check with the dad first when there has been a divorce but in this very different case with your ill N sister it would have just been easier to silently send.

Now for the little pickle that has been presented. I say still send them to dads. What can she do? She can't get mad at him because the sisters sent the gifts to him. It's not his fault. And she can't get mad at you because you aren't interacting with her--even if she tries.

Besides, if they live there with him, I don't understand why it would make sense to send them anywhere else but their home.

Without another word I'd send them to dads and be done with it if it were me.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I also agree just to send them on to their Dad's house.  It's unfortunate that your sister called him about it but you didn't call him and I would just send them on.  

Isn't it sad that N's just have to make everyone's lives so complicated....it's so pointless and so completely unnecessary.  It is so sad and such a shame.   People from "normal" families just don't get it...because it's so stupid!!!!   It frustrates me just thinking about it...having been in similiar situations many times.  It always felt so surreal.

[DJ]

It's a pickle all right.   I'm not worried about what Nsis will do if I send gifts to kids dad's house.

I'm just trying to respect his wishes, to not send things to his house.  Even though, I must admit, makes no sense.   I guess Nsis can really make his life miserable. . I'm sure that's why they're divorced!

I really don't want ANY contact with Nsis, even mailing things to her house.  The kids are old enough to live without gifts from me, I may just send cards from now on.   I live a plane ride away and have only seen them once a year IF THAT, since my Nsis hates me.

I've emailed the kids twice with no reply.  Yet my Normal sister has rec'd replies from my niece.   I'm sure my Nsis is deleting my emails or at least not encouraging them to reply.   Nsis is so evil and mean and hateful.  And it's the HOLIDAYS!   ha!  

N's just love making life miserable for us don't they?  I'm determined to STOP the insanity, and detatch from the AGONY OF INVOLVEMENT altogether.  The kids will just have to understand why I have chosen to remove myself from the situation.  They're not stupid.

Thanks for your posts.